Have an accident? No thanks, I’ve already had one!?

Oh Marmight! How awful, you poor thing! A 'losing the will to live' moment I suspect!! Hope all is well with you now. ? (?!!)

Shortly after I downsized & was feeling particularly down, fed up, lonely, I cooked a Sunday lunch for One. Took it into the sitting room and placed on a tray, the type with polystyrene balls at the bottom which nestles into your lap, along with a large glass of red wine Glass toppled over so in panic I ran with the tray to the kitchen via the hall and dining room not realising that the wine was pouring through the bottom of the tray leaving a trail of red liquid over a pale gold carpet (not my choice, came with the house). It took me over 3 hours to work my way along the trail slooshing it with cold water and soaking up with my entire stock of towels, sobbing all the while. The lunch went in the bin. I still cry when I think about it ?

Once when I was collecting DS from his little friends house I was shown into the kitchen by the little friend. The parents were sitting silently and glared at me. On the wall was a huge red dripping splatt where obviously a plate of spaghetti had just been thrown with force. Hard to say who had been the thrower. It wasn't mentioned at all. We made polite small talk and DS and I made a quick getaway. Talk about the elephant in the room.

Many years ago when I was young I handed the glass bottle of tomato Ketchup to my older brother not realising the top was not screwed on. He gave it a violent shake and the
sauce flew out everywhere including all over him! Boy was he mad!! Blamed me of course.

Laughing my head off at these stories We've all been there and done it I think! Many years ago my husband shook the newly invented squeezy bottle of mustard and the top flew off throwing yellow mustard everywhere - up the white walls, up the door, all over the carpet and himself. He wasn't amused but the kids thought it was hilarious!

It never ceases to amaze me, you can guarantee if I’m wearing a white or light top it, I will miss my mouth and whatever is in the bottle will squirt out all over it, or if I’m eating I will spill it down me, I don’t know why I miss my mouth it’s big enough, maybe I should wear a bib

I remember when I was first married buying a bottle of Tom Ketch and placing it at the top of my shopping basket! Yes you've guessed, I'd hardly left the shop when it slipped out of the basket,, onto the pavement and smashed!! Glass andd Ketchup everywhere!! I'm afraid I fled!
I remember my mother advising against Grapefruit as a starter! To my cost I thought I knew better!! So many traps when trying to be sophisticated on a dinner date!!

Tomatoes Ketchup!!! Always needed handling with great care!! 'Shake oh shake etc' was a favorite saying of my stepfather when it was in a glass bottle. Now they're in plastic bottles, if you shake gently , with top firmly ON, remove top GINGERLY!,then squeeze VERY carefully, it should be ok! but nothing is guaranteed!!!!

Not ketchup, but cola. The first time I tried cola when I was a little girl I found it was too fizzy. My DF, in his infinite wisdom, had heard somewhere that a sprinkle of sugar would help to flatten it.

So . . . he sprinkled a few granules into the bottle and it promptly started fizzing like mad. He put his hand over the top of the bottle to contain it, but forgot about the straw! Have you any idea how high and far cola fizz can travel when propelled out of a straw?!

Haha, nice to know I’m not alone?
I either never use ketchup again or never wear pale colours again.
At least it wasn’t done in public.

Oh how I hate ketchup accidents. A few weeks ago I had a very large bottle of Hoi sin sauce which was very gloopy, I gave it a good shake and it ended up all over the kitchen. Why did I not check the lid was secure before shaking ?

Reminds me of a holiday we had in the Norfolk Broads, with DS1 being particularly obnoxious. I had "at last" bought a bottle of squeezy tomato sauce - they were expensively new - and we were having ??? using said sauce. DS1 said something that tipped me into a volcanic rage. I picked up the bottle , squeezed it at him, missed spectacularly and squirted the wall of the boat! we looked at each other in stunned silence, then all burst out laughing!

it was messy but a funny reminder of that holiday.

DD and I were having lunch in Frankie and Benny’s a couple of years ago.She picked up the tomato ketchup bottle and shook it vigorously not checking if the lid was secure first?
A perfect arch of ketchup sailed through the air and landed on the meal of the people behind her.They were not amused!

Going our for meals isn’t something we did growing up but I remember a time I went out for a meal with my best friend and her parents. I knew my table manners very well so I was safe there, I was a cripplingly shy 12 year old. My heart sank when I saw there were peas on the plate and straight away planned how I was going to eat them gracefully. Unfortunately, I my knife slipped as I cut my steak and sprayed the peas all over the table. I was mortified but the worse thing was is that no one said a thing but carried on as if nothing had happened, leaving me to pick the peas up and replace them on my plate. A little joke or lighthearted remark from them would probably have made it a bit less embarrassing!

I was getting ready to watch an episode of The Good Karma Hospital (this is irrelevant btw).
Put our mugs of cocoa in the microwave, but when I took them out half way through to stir them, I caught the oven with the mug.
Cocoa cascaded in the microwave, on the worktop, all down the cupboard doors, in the drawer, on the floor, under the units.
“Oh blow!” I exclaimed.?

No GKH watched, spent the next hour cleaning, and next day DH removed the floor panel to get the remainder of the cocoa cleaned up before it smelled.

Watched GKH on catch up another day.

Oh no! That reminds me of going to a Chinese restaurant back in the early 1970s. There were several of us and we had had a drink or 3 and it was late on a night. I had a new cream coloured dress on at the time, which I loved. I put soy sauce on my dish and the top flew off and it was all over my dress. Everyone laughed their heads off except me as I was soaked in it. I can still remember the smell of the stuff as well as it ruined my lovely dress. Going home was a nightmare as the group just wouldn’t shut up about it and I never got to enjoy my meal.

Brings to mind the day I went to the supermarket when very heavily pregnant, and at the end of one of the rows was a stack of tomato ketchup bottles, someone must have spent ages building that. Following my husband round the end of the row whilst trying to control an errant toddler, the bump caught the edge of the stack. It was like a slow motion horror film, the stack began to wobble, then to sway, and then the whole lot crashed to the floor, the bottles smashing as it hit the floor.

I was wearing white trousers, and the bulk of the debris hit the front of them, I looked as though I had wandered out of a Nightmare on Elm Street set, or even worse, was suffering a horrendous miscarriage!

There was nothing we could do, and we tried to make a hasty exit from the shop, but our toddler son was not going that easily. He was wildly excited, pointing and reciting over and over again at the top of his voice 'Mato sauce all fall down Mummy!'

Lovely. Doesn't it always happen that you make a great big mess RIGHT when you're wearing a white top!

One of my brothers once squeezed the ketchup bottle so hard a couple drops ended up on the ceiling!

Fab stories!

Dh once went out to dinner with a new colleague, who’d led a rather sheltered life. His colleague picked up the salt grinder and tried to use it to shake salt over his meal. Before Dh could explain how it worked, his colleague had unscrewed the top and then dumped the entire container of salt crystals onto his food!

my kind of humour Doodle! I'd have wept with laughter too!

Oh Doodle, sorry but I can’t stop laughing...

On holiday is a fancy Swiss hotel, I picked up what I thought was some kind of baked potato from the buffet and put it on my breakfast plate along with my bacon and eggs. All went well with my enjoyable breakfast until I stuck a fork in my potato and out from the middle squirted a huge amount of liquid chocolate! ?
It went all over my face, my top, the tablecloth, everywhere.
DH was looking out of the window when I did it and when he looked back his face was a picture. He couldn’t believe what he saw and just sat there with his mouth open ?

Although ( naturally) I have some sympathy for that poor soul
Chewbacca and....even worse, it happened in public for him!
I wonder how common these food accidents are??

You've reminded me of when I was sat in a Wimpy Bar some years ago. At that time, they had jars of sugar, with little metal spouts, on each tables. We were eating our meal when a man came and sat down, with his cup of coffee, at the table opposite. He picked up the sugar jar and tried to pour some into his coffee. None came out so he he shook it and tried again. Still none. He turned the jar upside down and belted the bottom of the jar with the flat of his hand. OMG! The spout flew off the jar and he got about a pound of sugar in his cup! I've never seen so much sugar and coffee exploding across a table before or since! I was crying with laughter!

How I wish I had known that rhyme SueD ?
It didn’t help matters that Mr Lemongrove nearly died laughing.