DH rant coming up...

I thought this seemed rather sexist. why not do it yourself?

I had a situation like this years ago, it turned out he wasn’t confident in getting it right and they were all wonky, but instead of saying that, he didn’t want to lose his male pride and admit it. Hasten to add I didn’t ask again

My DH is pretty good when asked to do something and he will usually do a good job. But he procrastinate. He spends more time planning how he is going to do a job and it can be weeks in discussion before he actually starts. I remember years ago when we had not long moved house. I wanted a bedroom painted. We prepped everything and put newspaper down over the floorboards. Several hours later and curious that it was so quiet upstairs I went to see how he was getting on. He was sat on the floor reading all the newspapers and hadn't even started painting. I wouldnt have minded, but the daily newspapers had been in the house for weeks and I was the only one of the two of us who read them.

Your post is funny @grannyrebel7 hahahaha... but I do see the seriousness of it all and have been right there in your shoes.. ( not with a shelf but in your situation ) 3 years ago my DH laid a CARPET in the bathroom, my protests of I didnt want a flippin carpet in the bathroom of alllllll places, fell on deaf ears.... so, for the past 3 years I have made my voice heard and how I would prefer vinyl or tiles LIKE THE REST OF THE POPULATION..... but once again, nothing has been done despite the fact I have threatened on numerous occasions to rip the bugger up.... but OHHHHHHH my DH has made some lovely, wonderful improvements to the garden and WHOAAAA we now have a painted garage and whoaaaaa we now have a very tidy tidy garage ...... and I open the bathroom door and stare at the flippin stupid, horrible CARPET !!!

We all feel your pain grannyrebel7

Isn't it great to have somewhere to vent your frustrations with partners, without starting WW3!
I have got DH to do several DIY projects since lockdown. Some of which have been outstanding since we moved here nine years ago! At least this has been a positive result of the virus.

I learned through out our marriage never to ask now late DH to put up extra shelves or do any small carpentry jobs knowing it would be 'are they/ is it necessary'? Going through Yellow Pages was enough and a 'think I will ask etc etc '.

As and when you get your shelves - I know you will! - leave gets perfume in the boxes or they will ‘fade’

If it's indoors, it's my responsibility, outdoors is his. The electric drill is mine as is the cordless screwdriver. The TV's are his responsibility, the PCs mine. He will do DIY, but it takes him 6 months to think about it, then another 6 months to get round to it.
At the moment, there is very little DIY on the go 'cause i'm busy!

Just be thankful you still have your husband and appreciate him while you can

I think my husband has some sort of jobs OCD. If I mention anything - it’s done - especially just now. I hate to tell you but apart from plastering I don’t think there is anything he can’t do.
This sounds great - and it is - but jobs and projects always more important than seeing friends for instance!! I am much more sociable!
He’s used this time off to be even more productive than usual due to being home.
Makes me feel sooo lazy in comparison. Mind you creating and fixing at least you can see for longer than meals cooked house cleaned beds changed - can’t you?!?!?

If I want something doing, I usually start it off myself, but I am quite happy for him to come and give me a hand or even take over the job.
For things I know he is good at and I am not, if asking him doesn’t work I bring the idea into the conversation when we’re with friends. The menfolk then discuss it and it happens and I am the helper.
That hasn’t been possible these last few weeks.

You're lucky he knows what a shelf is - oh to have a handy man

My DH is using his time to convert garage into a workshop.
Sounded fine until I realised that everything in his garage had to come out & has been all over drive & patio for weeks now. He has got a bit bored now so I am going to have to read riot act or it will all still be there this time next year. I speak from past experience!!

Some suggest Grannyrebel should do the job herself but I imagine she already does a lot of things around the house herself, like many of us. It’s about who can do what, who is the most capable and a fair division of labour, and a not unreasonable request I would have thought. I do most of the housework in our house and lots of other stuff like gardening, bills etc, and although it’s not the ‘modern way’ it’s too late to change now and I’m ok with that. But I do expect the odd bit of DIY to be done yet it’s hard work persuading sometimes!

I didn't know that.

My DH has been cajoled against his better judgement into painting the inside of our sash windows during lockdown. Our bedroom sashes were in a bit of a state due to condensation so he didn't put up much of a fight about those, and from there he's moved on to others. He's enjoying it so much that he's started on some of the accessible outside ones too! You can get paint delivered from B&Q if necessary.

I should add that I've been subtly hinting that they all needed doing since the outside paintwork was done by professionals 3 years ago.

Craftycat

During my marriage (ended long ago), I was the one who bought and operated an electric drill. I rather enjoyed drilling holes in walls and putting up shelves. I still have that drill, but probably my hands and wrists wouldn't cope with it. Better send for DS1 or 2 .

This always worked with my husband- all done gently gently as I only asked him to do something I was not able to at the time. This was very rarely as I did all that sort of decorating around our many houses but there were times when I could have done with some help.

I would say 'I would LIKE you to .............. whatever it was. I would say "I have made a note of this on the calender so I know how long it will take you to get around to doing said task".....

So, the next time you would like me to.....Take up a new pair of trousers, put a button back on your favourite shirt, cut your hair ( I always did this for him), make you your very favourite curry etc etc etc I would say to him that yes of course I would be happy to do this for him but it would be on the same timeline that you took to help me.

Neither of us waited for long if you treat others as they treat you there are no complaints.....
But now he is gone I miss him awful. Xx

Definitely a DIY household here - if I want anything doing , I do it myself!

But why can't you put shelves up...It's not that difficult...I'm a woman by the way but I was a single parent for quite a few years so just had to learn how to do these things and get on with it. I can actually understand why your husband huffed and puffed a bit...

The answer to Can you could be Cannot or Cant. The answer to Will you could be Will Not or Wont. I don't think many loved ones want to say the second one to each other. Sometimes it's not what you ask but how you ask it.

I have to admit I am rubbish at DIY, in fact my wife is better than me on the rare occasions we decide to carry out jobs around the house.

Cooking, cleaning and gardening I quite enjoy doing, but DIY, get the man with van in. The cost can be higher but at least it does not end up in a disaster which so often happens when we attempt anything. ??

I’m very lucky, my farmer husband enjoys being asked to do DIY jobs. He does them as soon as I mention them. The only reason I don’t turn my hand to it is that I really can’t be bothered lol. Although, I am a qualified painter and decorator so I do all the wallpapering etc which he proudly shows off to any visitors. He also does a lot of the cooking which I don’t complain about lol

I usually ask my 21yr old if a jobs urgent(like when the curtain track broke) as i have bad osteoarthritis- but ive been waiting over 6mths now for him to put together a flat- pack coffee table- (he's very good at following the instructions) and now I've finished knitting HIS blanket I'm hoping he will do table so i can do myself a jig-saw on it! He finished ALL his uni work completely yesterday& he announced he'd do my table today!(without prompting!) But I'm still waiting for him to start. (Strange,cause when he gets flat pack for his room,he wacks it up within an hour!)