That’s not my........For a laugh

Loved these . Thank you so much for playing along .

I am writing this one as though I am my DH......

That’s not my wife
This one is too young and beautiful

That’s not my wife
This one has made a chocolate cake (yummy)

That’s not my wife
This one is smiling and laughing

That’s not my wife
This one hasn’t got a floppy tummy

That’s my wife
She’s dancing in the Kitchen to a country music station
She’s crackers and she cries a lot..... but she’s mine

That's not my bottom
That one is pert

That's not my bottom
That one has smooth skin

That's not my bottom
It fits inside its knickers

That's not my bottom
It doesn't wobble when I brush my teeth

That's my bottom!
It's trying to introduce itself to the back of my knees!

That’s not my car.
This one is treated like a God.

That’s not my car ,
This one is cleaned every week.

That’s not my car,
This one has no pens, pound coins , drinks or tissues on show.

That’s not my car it has no spare shoes, cardigans or books and toys for the DGC.

That’s my car!
Scruffy, four wheels and reliable and gets me from A to B and back again .

That’s not my husband
This one doesn’t talk through complex films.

That’s not my husband
This one doesn’t think loading the dishwasher is a science.

That’s not my husband
This one doesn’t listen to the news four times a day.

That’s not my husband
This one doesn’t laugh like a drain, at his own jokes.

That’s not my husband
I don’t love this one ...

That’s not my face
It is round and pink

That’s not my face
The cheeks are full

That’s not my face
There are no lines from nose to mouth

That’s not my face
The skin is as soft as a peach

That’s my face
Those are my eyes

That’s not my house
It’s all clean and tidy.
That’s not my house,
There are no piles of knickers on the floor, waiting to be put away.
That’s not my house
You can sit down without being covered in dog hair.
That’s not my house
Two old people live in it, not the young couple who bought it 40yrsvago.
This is my house,
Actually, it is a home.

Cherry

That's not my hair
It has all its natural colour

That's not my hair
It is far too well cut

That's not my hair
It is styled to perfection

That's not my hair
It has no split ends

That's not my hair
It is sleek and soft

This is my hair
The grey hairs are showing through the artificial colour
It is thick and unruly and lost all its style
It is far too long and needs a good cut.

That's not my husband
he has thick dark hair

That's not my husband
he's sitting still

That's not my husband
He's sending e-mails

DH:

"That can't be my wife
This one mended my jumper!"

That’s not my husband.
This one is cooking!

That’s not my husband.
This one has hair!
(Other than a mad-professor white ‘fringe’ that badly needs trimming now!)

That’s not my husband!
This one knows a dandelion from a daffodil!

(Apologies to my lovely dh).

That’s not my husband
This one got thin wispy hair

That’s not my husband
This ones got a bit of a tummy and thin legs

That’s definitely not my husband
Mine is young,good looking and has fabulous thighs

That’s not my husband
This one is kind and considerate

That might be my husband
He’s put his foot in it again!

That’s not my husband
He’s married to a slim brunette

That's not my husband
This one looks smart in his chinos and shirt and lovely jumper

That's not my husband
This one is planting up my flower pots

That's not my husband
This one is doing the decorating

That's not my husband
This one has shut all the cupboard doors and drawers

That's not my husband
This one has long scruffy hair

That's my husband
The one with the smart haircut wearing an old jumper with a hole in it

He said:
That's my wife
I said I'd mend the hole and she said she'd do it.
But she hasn't.