Gransnet forums


Help to disengage from AC

(3 Posts)
Nanamar Sat 06-Jun-20 14:43:49

Before I ask for your help, I will say I do see a therapist on a regular basis and take antidepressant and anti anxiety meds. We have an only son who’s 40. He’s clinically depressed and also sees a therapist and is on meds. He’s divorcing his wife of five years (mutual and supposedly amicable decision). They have a delightful four year old son. They live a mile away (moved here because my husband has stage 4 cancer). Prior to the pandemic we did a lot of childcare which we loved. My DIL has no parents and no family close by and she confides in me a lot. Our son’s moods can be very difficult - he just lost his job due to the pandemic and he can get to a very dark place. She shares when this happens because she’s unsure of what to do (drag him out of bed, e.g, vs just let him sleep and sulk) and I usually try to talk to him. It’s obvious that she has “tattled” on him I’m sure, but I never disclose what she says to me or what he says to me. I just encourage him and her to COMMUNICATE especially since they want to coparent our GS successfully. I feel as if I’m swooping in like a helicopter parent too much but I can’t seem to let go of my protective instinct and desire to help - I KNOW I can’t fix it. Our son’s attitude is this is the way he is - he has vowed not to harm himself but says it’s at great cost and this is the cost - his black moods and anger that he needs to get through - and says he will - and we need to understand he needs the space to do it. This is especially important to me now because given the divorce he’ll be moving back with us while she and their son stay in the house a mile away. Help’

Summerlove Sat 06-Jun-20 15:04:02

I’m so sorry, this sounds like a horrible situation.

I wish I had advice for you

silverlining48 Sat 06-Jun-20 15:57:47

Sounds like you are doing the best you can in a very sad and difficult situation, and given you are seeing a therapist no doubt they can help you talk through things.
Do you feel safe? How is your husband coping? Your son sees a therapist but does he have support from the local mental health team? It’s a rocky road but Hope things work out. Good luck to you.