Question for those of you caring for family members who are ill

People who are dependent can feel they are a burden.
One thing I realised when I did Home Care years ago was how it could give the client a measure of independence and self-respect.

As an example I used to go to one lady in the morning and get her up, help her with the commode, change inco pads, wash, dress and get her nicely presentable for the day.

She could then join her husband for breakfast, sit in state in the lounge and enjoy visits from the rest of her family.

What went on in the bedroom was between her and me, in front of them she could still feel like a wife, mother and grandmother despite her crippling medical problems.

Although it is also important to acknowledge that there are times when the care of a loved one can feel burdensome - carers do feel like this at times and it is important that they are not made to feel guilty about that.

I cared for my OH for many years and I am totally honest about the fact that there were times when it felt more than I could manage. It is OK to acknowledge that.

In a lucid moment my OH recognised this and wanted to discuss going to a nursing home, which he eventually did - but I was with him 4 hours a day roughly; and family were there too.

My Mum keeps telling me that she so sorry for being a burden. She keeps offering me money to 'pay for all the things I do for her'.

I won't take her money so she keeps telling me there will be a nice surprise for me when she dies!

I wish I knew the answer to this question.

My parents-in-law are determined not to be 'a burden' to me and I can't convince them that they would not be, any more than it would be a burden to care for a beloved baby or young child, it's just what you do out of love and concern for people.

When I was caring for my DH he was very emotional and would get upset believing he was a burden, I would just hold his hand and say exactly what Luckygirl said it seemed to comfort him.

So difficult to understand from their point of view, I too would feel a burden if I needed care.

I have no advice just wanted to acknowledge that I had read your post.

Take care and be kind to yourself

Or ask what they would do if the situation were reversed - would they think you were a burden?

DH always adds, 'Sorry to be a nuisance' whenever he asks me to do something for him. I always reply, 'Don't be daft.'

I'm sure he knows I don't mind doing all that I can to keep him well just as I know he feels he has to say it so I don't feel taken for granted.

It's because they are sensitive and aware of all you do for them.
Let them feel how they feel. Maybe they're looking for reassurance from you that they are not a burden? How much worse would you feel if they just you for granted?