How to deal with a person who never stops talking about themselves

There's a lot of people like that, some lonely, others just plain narcissists, bores even, and they wonder why people make excuses to get out of their company. Sad.

Jeannie99 I sympathise. I have a friend and a neighbour both like this (I call them both Meme (Mimi)! My friend, who I have known since we were 14 and 15, sends me lengthy emails telling me all about what she has been doing, her health problems and attaches photos and videos of her grandaughters. I always respond and comment on her
activities, sympathise with her ailments and say how lovely her granddaughter are but , if I mention anything about my life or ailments and send her photos of my darling little granddaughter, she never makes any comments. I do find this quite upsetting.
If I ask my neighbour how she is, it is as if I've wound her up, she stares straight ahead and goes into a diatribe about her family issues and other problem. If I try to offer advice or help (if I can get a word in) she completely ignores it and carries on again about the same things next time. I think she just wants to offload.
I appreciate that both are lonely, although my friend lives with her daughter but it would be nice to be listened to occasionally as I sometimes think they don't care how I am and iIwonder how they would respond if I ever needed a listening ear!

This poor lady is obviously still grieving and has formed her own "bubble" where nothing and no one else matters besides her need to have a say.
If she won't go to any groups, please take her to one or two - doesn't matter if you continue to go, hopefully after a few visits she'll be interested enough to carry on.
Beyond that, unless you want to be brutally honest and tell her that you need to have your say or ask her why you can never seem to get a word in, you either will have to put up with the way it is or end the friendship.

Maybe she wants someone to go with to these groups.how about you? .seeing you a good friend .its just that she might need a little encouragement..a friend in need is a friend in deed.

Jeannie 99...... your problem is my problem as well. I have a friend since childhood.... who was never allowed to grow up and become an independent woman. Now of course ..no partner... no kids or grandkids.... all siblings dead. She cannot sustain any female/friend relationships as she is so egocentric. Luckily we’re don’t live close, but she phones me every day sometimes twice a day and three times is not unheard of. It’s the same rattling on about unruly neighbours ... people she doesn’t like because they don’t see HER side on everything . Sometimes I just can’t be bothered to answer the phone. She totally disregards the fact I have a disabled husband who needs constant attention, that I just MAY have family round. She will call dinner times (5-6.30 ) ... she will call Sunday lunch times 1-2.30. You can raise your voice and say you’ve ‘got family here’.... which you told her at yesterdays phone call, but it is water of a ducks back. She wants to talk about herself and you are gonna bloody listen. Your friend like mine is toxic!! They are user up of their friends’ time and energy. I can’t let mine go as I am her last link with everything she held dear ... our childhood together. It’s the reason I mostly answer the phone to her . If your friend isn’t linked into your past history , for goodness sake don’t put up with her. Life really is too short!

I have this problem with someone I'm related to and am very fond of. Her phone calls drive me mad, it's at least an hour of her talking and me listening...she gets very cross if I interupt the flow. And she is in poor health, so how can I be unkind?

There for the grace of god go i.If we can't spendctime with a friend who is lonely.We need to look at ourselves and ask what kind friend we are

She is lonely but I would go by your instinct. It’s not down to you to be her only companion. I wouldn’t feel guilty about making excuses not to see her.

I could have been that person many years ago after I got divorced, having been on the listening end since, I cannot be more grateful to the friend who listened to me for hours on many occasions. In effect it served the place of counselling for me. The other day I found myself falling into that trap with a newish friend and felt mortified after hanging up. I apologised but he said it was fine, and luckily next time he called he was the one who did the talking about a problem he is facing - but I have a sneaky feeling that he did it to make me feel better.

I agree with the suggestion that you find things to do in that situation - put the phone on speaker and get on with anything that doesn't make a noise - even watch cute videos of dogs or cats with no sound, or watch tv with the subtitles on! The friend might get over it in time, but if not, encouraging her to join things will give her more things to talk about.

On the other hand if she is only an acquaintance and you don’t want it to develop into a friendship, think up some excuses to cut her off. For example, you could find a ring tone or alarm on your mobile that you can play and say, sorry, that’s the door, or the timer to say dinner’s ready, or in a gap in her talking say it was lovely speaking to her but you have to go out now ( which you can actually do if you don’t want to lie), or just that you have to go without giving a reason. It is quite possible that she is aware of talking to much and regrets it, but then can’t stop herself next time. If she is on lockdown it could be making her worse.

I've a person like this in my life too, but when I mentioned this to another friend she advised me to have little jobs I can do when the phone call comes. She does this with an elderly lonely relative so that she doesn't get irritated, as she knows that these calls are one of the few contacts she has in her life.
On the other hand if your friend has many other people in her life & lives close enough to keep dropping round too, then it's another matter.
I find texts are a help with my chatty person who's at a distance. I just text little ordinarybthings like saying it's raining or I'm watching a programme she might like. Just short messages to let her know she's not alone. It works with my person & cuts down on the lengthy one sided calls

Have a fiend that talks about her family the whole time, not interested in anyone but herself. I suggested to my other friend that we go for coffee with that I will but out of this and leave her to go on her own as she seems to be ok with her. But she said that no she wanted to see me as well and that we would not stay long. Have often thought I should tell this friend that she is draining. After lockdown I do not want to go back to this feeling with her. Please help.

I think I would grin and bear it. Poor lady does seem lonely and looks on you as her sounding board. I think I would gently say when she rings, that you were just about to pop out and can spare 10 mins. Or you ring her when it is convenient for you and then make the excuse to get off the phone. Furret has a good idea if she doesn't live too far away and the walking and talking is something that my friends and I do.

Jeannie, you have my sympathy; I know someone exactly like this and I appreciate fully just how "draining " their company can be. After years of being talked at, I've ceased to see, or to initiate contact with, this person because I decided that life is just to short to waste my time with "friends" who have absolutely no interest in me, and whose company I don't enjoy. It may sound harsh but it was the best solution for me. My advice it to put yourself first and decide what is best for you .

I also have a friend like that. When it gets too much I go and ring our very loud doorbell, and say 'sorry, got to go, someone at the door’. I can’t do it every time of course, but we do seem to have a lot of callers ?

Oh I do feel for you. We must have kind faces!!! I seem to have a lot of friends who have no idea about ping-pong! Maybe we are just too slow jumping in - some people seem unable to bear a moments silence.

So difficult to end a conversation as the friend is not listening anyway. I've resorted to ringing the doorbell before now and saying, "Sorry, I have to go. There's someone at the door!"

Some people just do not respond to subtle, they are so locked in their own bubble and just have no empathy for others. Of course you have to show sympathy for her situation, however as a “friend” she is clearly draining you. Personally I would email her or send a letter, saying that you so value her friendship, but explain how she makes you feel. She may take offence and cut any ties, however, she may thank you and say that she didn’t realise how she comes across. Only you can decide if it’s worth the risk, good luck.

Good suggestion from Furret here, and if you feel very brave you could just try to stop her mid-flow (by holding up your hand, palm out, in a stop sign) and quietly say "Please stop, you are overwhelming me with all this chatter about yourself. Let's talk about (something else) instead".

Since lockdown I've used that phone from that friend as exercise time.
I walk round and round the living room, up and down the stairs.

I hit my 10,000 steps easily!

There's a similar thread under the Ask a Gran forum which might give you some ideas. It's 'Is it just me?'

I have a friend who only ever talks about herself on the phone and it is hard to get a word in. Last time I made the excuse (after an hour) of being desperate for the loo and the time before that I had to get a drink as I was so thirsty. She has a habit of telling me the same things about her sons and their families ad nauseum. I mutter that she told me that last time, but she keeps on. I have known her for over thirty years and she has always been the same.

I have a similar friend who is married, but they do not do much as a couple. When I see her she tells me the same story at least three times which incidentally I have heard on many occasions before. Other people have also commented on her doing the same to them, so I think people tend to avoid her.

If I butt in and say is that when so and so happened or I remember that etc., she still carries on from the beginning with fine details. She is also a gossip, whispers in front of people which I find embarrassing and makes hurtful comments.

I find it quite exhausting and tend to put off seeing her. I think I only put up with all this as I feel sorry for her.

Meryl ?
I have a similar friend to the OP, I have known her for most of my life, and she is similar to this.She isn’t at all lonely btw, is happily married with a good social life.I just find a comfy chair when she phones.

Springychicken
I've become an expert at: loading the dishwasher/ opening drawers/ hanging clothes in wardrobe etc, silently.?
I could say more but as we know some posts find their way onto FB of which she is an avid reader.
All I will say is: I feel all your pain ?

I sort of agree with Lemsip: talk about something else. If possible.

Your friend may be unable to talk about anything that interests you. In that case you are doing well but should stop the phone call sooner for your friend's sake. If she caries on like that your long lasting patience might be exhausted.