How to deal with a person who never stops talking about themselves

I think the clue is in the fact that she lives alone and is lonely. Do we have a duty to indulge people like this? I think we have but recognise it’s not easy.

Perhaps you could set aside an hour every week when you go and visit her (then it’s easier for you to leave than turf her out of your house). Make it a regular date, take a cake.

It will give her something to look forward to. Towards the end ask her ‘do you want to hear my news?’ and at least give her the chance to listen.

If this sounds like I’m talking from experience then yes, I am.

My SIL, of 31 years, is exactly the same. She only ever talks about herself continuously. She never asks questions about anyone else. You could have anything happen in your life good or bad and she will not comment on it. It's very sad as this has made family relationships very difficult. She is probably the most self centered person you could wish to meet. A lot of people are on constant transmit. I find that you can't really have a 'normal' healthy relationship with them. To this end, I distance myself from them.

with a situation such as this, you have to cut in with a totally different subject....say, have you heard about,..... did you see...what do you think?... get them talking about something random! It's your own fault if you let someone go on and on then moan about it later!! It may be a relief to the person to talk about something else, something funny maybe!

Oops, brackets shouldn’t be there!

Jeanie, was she the same when her husband was alive? If she doesn’t phone too often, I’d put the phone on speaker so that you can (quietly go about other jobs).

Dear Jeanie,this is indeed a hard one. I have a friend of nearly 20 years who is very similar. We met when our childeren became best friends shortly after starting school. On the whole I tend to hear from her when she is worried or having a problem and like you conversations can be a quick how are you and then the rest more or less dominated by what's troubling HER! It can be frustrating and very draining. In many ways her social skills are terrible! You may wonder why we are still friends.? At the root of it there have also been many giggles over the years. Shes also hard working,honest and basically a very kind person. Over the years I have learned a lot about her childhood which was genuinely awful including neglect and time spent in care. I look at where she is today and I'm proud of how well she has done considering the challenges shes faced. There have been times when I've stepped back a little but we've never had an argument. I think our friendships come in many different forms and meet different needs . I would say even though we are the same age I'm a big sister/mother figure that she never really had. She views me as her best friend and I in return know that in her own way she is always there for me as best as she can be. She is loyal and never catty about other people. Like any friendship/ relationship ours is built over shared memories, some of which are very happy and time. It's about balance. If the friendship is overwhelming with no positive points gradually withdraw. In the past I have felt frustrated but have remembered her good points. She often appeared to want a sounding board but ignored suggestions/advice. Over time that has improved because she values my opinion and there have been times where I have been uncharacteristically blunt! All I can suggest is that you probably are not going to change drastically who she is and how she communicates. Only you can decide whether it's a friendship worth developing. You can approach the lack of two way communication subtly or bluntly,or maybe with gentle humour but always with kindness. Think carefully about introducing her to any of your friendship groups if you think her one sided approach may cause friction. Maybe there is a voluntary role somewhere she would be perfect for? Good luck

So many lonely people so sad.

The poor lady must be very lonely and obviously sees you as a good friend. My husband has a friend like that, she often phones when she has had a few drinks and we can't get her off the phone. There is no easy solution, as I know I feel guilty if I try to get her off the phone.

When I was working and up to my eyes preparing school work, she would phone and I would get very stressed, as she insisted on telling me her life story before speaking to DH.
If I tried to tell her I was busy, she would take the huff.
I don't envy you.

As Grandmattie says, it would be a kindness to speak to her, however difficult you find it. However, I do understand how frustrating it is for you.

Interesting. I know several people like that. They talk too much because they are lonely, and they are lonely because they talk too much.
This woman is definitely a 90/10% person, i.e. she talks for 90%of the time... most people I know are generally about 75/25 with me doing the 25!
If you have the strength to see her, it would be a great kindness, but be prepared for the torrent of words.

Wanted to add, it's of course perfectly fine if you don't want to invite her into any of your groups. I can understand sometimes wanting to keep something for you. I just thought it might give her the courage to go if she went with someone she knew the first time, and it gives her a chance to expand her social circle and the number of people to talk with. If she's not so isolated, it might take care of itself. OTOH, some people are just like this regardless.

I think so much depends on the person and relationship you want to have with them. If you know her well enough, you could talk to her about it. You could withdraw from her, or cut back on seeing her, if you find it too much to handle. That might seem unkind but I know I'm at place in life where I have limited energy for that sort of thing, so sometimes it's necessary to pick who you have around you to keep on top of your own well being. So that depends on how many emotional demands you might have. You could ask her, "Would you like to hear about xyz?" It could be she's lonely and just let's rip when she gets a chance to speak to someone. Do you go to any groups (probably not at the moment) that you could invite her to? Church, coffee group? Just some ideas, but it depends individually.