Worries about the future

It might help to understand that during a crisis there's no single sense of direction but several, and whichever requires your attention most, focus on that until the next arises-

If you can't focus on anything pressing, distract yourself with a movie or a book or cooking until the dust settles-

You aren't alone- You're family isn't alone- The crisis is global-

I can imagine that this lockdown has caused all kinds of marital problems as younger married couples certainly don't have the same staying power as once was.

This has been a test for all families, many have failed, sadly and it's the grandparents who are unfortunately caught up in the cross-fire and also the ones who seem to worry the most.

I doubt that your DiL can just up-sticks and move abroad without question as there'll always be visiting rights being the father of the children.

This is something that only they can solve between themselves and sadly all you can do is remain in the background keeping an eye on things. I understand how worrying this is for you but just sit tight and see what transpires. You're doing the right thing by staying on neutral ground for now. I hope something can be resolved for the children's sakes.

I don't know what to say Oakwoodhospital; a very difficult situation.

Not being, or having been in your situation, I'm trying to think what I would do in your position. My instinct, if this were my son would be to suggest that he stop being at her beck and call. If she can't manage without his help, she should have thought about that before telling him to leave.

How are all of these arrangements fitting in with the current restrictions? I don't want to be rude but why on earth is he taking her to London, to her friend's house, for a weekend party?

Would it have perhaps been better if you'd not agreed to have the children so she'd have had to make her own way there, or missed the party altogether?

From your OP it looks very much as if your son, over the years has given so much ground that he's backed himself into an impossible situation.

If she is thinking about going abroad to her family, your son must get some legal advice and secure his legal right to have contact with his children. Once secured, it is extremely unlikely that she would be able to relocate abroad with the children, without his consent.

IMO your son needs to stop dancing to her tune and get some legal advice to secure his own position in the lives of his children.

I hope you can persuade him to do so and to stop giving into her domineering and controlling behaviour.