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Advice please

(10 Posts)
seacliff Sun 16-Aug-20 12:31:28

Why does SIL 2 want you two to "make up"? Is it affecting the rest of the family? Is it spoiling social events?

If not, I would just say to SIL2, you are both very different people and you think it best to keep apart. The other sister must just accept this.

Greeneyedgirl Sun 16-Aug-20 12:14:50

Many families have these types of problems and can cause a lot of unhappiness. My family is not exempt. I tend to agree with MoMB just listening to someone you disagree with can reveal a bitterness which they harbour, which you can’t really change by disagreeing, but at a more appropriate time stating your different, perhaps more compassionate views.
I think it’s a sign of strength if you can do this, and will leave you with less anger in yourself.

Toadinthehole Sun 16-Aug-20 12:02:03

I agree with the two disco’s, great minds obviously! My background is years, 25 to be exact....of trying to “listen” and see other points of views. It just makes them stronger in the end, and therefore worse. This life is too short to be wasting it on awkward, unpleasant people, and the destination will be the will just have been a longer and bumpier road, which could have been avoided. I wish we’d closed the door on our difficult families long before we did.

BlueSky Sun 16-Aug-20 12:01:43

I'm a maker upper because as we know life is too short and I know families where one side never spoke to the other again. But there are limits. Don't let her have her way and bully you, just be polite ma cool. Families, who needs them!

B9exchange Sun 16-Aug-20 11:53:33

I'm with MoMBoys, if you get on with SiL1, why not try for her sake to make it up between you. It is possible to sit through family meetings with people sounding off and just stay quiet, for the sake of the others. If I answered back to every opinion I disagreed with, I would have no family left, and I really can't bear conflict between then.

vampirequeen Sun 16-Aug-20 11:50:36

I wouldn't get involved with trying to make it up. I'm a maker upper and tbh it's seen as a weakness by people like SIL 2. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile. Keep your distance, be polite and challenge her when necessary.

mumofmadboys Sun 16-Aug-20 11:47:23

I have a different view. I am all for making up wherever possible. You don't have to have the same political views but you need to listen to what each other say and politely say you see things differently. Try hard to look for SIL 2's good points. Families are so important and it makes it so difficult if A isn't talking to B.

DiscoGran Sun 16-Aug-20 11:41:08

Disco dancer is spot on, SIL2 is unlikely to change her opinions, and I expect SIL1 is getting it in the neck from her. I'd keep your distance if I were you.

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 16-Aug-20 11:27:09

Are your SIL’s sisters themselves? I would stick by what you’ve done, and good for you. I get tired of badly behaved/ nasty people being accommodated by everyone else. SIL no. 1. Should be applauding your too by the sounds of it. She may have wanted to say something for years, but hasn’t had the guts. I doubt you’d hurt her feelings. I expect it’s the family dynamics changing that’s worrying her. About time I say. Don’t go backwards, stick with it, and well played!

Oldwoman70 Sun 16-Aug-20 11:15:50

I have two sisters-in-law. Sister-in-law 1 is kind, thoughtful and helpful.

Sister-in-law 2 is the complete opposite, selfish, demanding and totally self centred. She has never "approved" of me as she considered her brother should have married someone from his own community so our contact has usually been polite but at arms length

Usually everyone lets her say and do what she pleases to avoid conflict, however, when I heard her say that those who use food banks are not her problem, are lazy and don't want to work and have brought their situation on themselves - I couldn't hold back and told her some harsh home truths. We have since avoided each other completely

Now S-i-L 1 wants to get us together to "bury the hatchet" (the only place I would want to bury it is in her head!). I have told her that I have nothing I want to say to S-i-L 2 and I am pretty sure she has nothing she wants to say to me (she would expect me to apologise to her!)

However S-i-L 1 keeps pressing the issue - how do I get her to drop it without hurting her feelings?