Move to be near daughter and family?

Don’t do anything until you’re sure. Trust your instincts.

ComeOnGran
Sorry I haven’t read all the threads so someone else may have suggested this but I wonder if you have considered renting out your house and renting somewhere near your daughter for perhaps a year. This would give you a chance to see if you like living there before completely uprooting yourself. Personally I would move to the end of the earth to be near my daughter and granddaughter but, having said that, a good friend moved to Cornwall to be near her family and they have just moved to Scotland!

Don't hurry into a decision just yet. What does your daughter say about this idea? Do you have other children who might have an opinion? will you have amenities to provide for your essentials and leisure/hobby activities, Do you like where she lives? How close to transport links are they in case you can not drive in the future? Do you make friends easily? Will you miss your current circle of friends where you are? Which of the above are more important ?
Lots to consider and a tough decision.
If you change your mind or your daughter then moved away, will you be able to afford to make a second or third move. Moving from South to North is usually more affordable than the the way round for many people.

I moved from Norfolk to Glasgow 9 years ago to be near my daughter and family. I would say think about it carefully. I love being near them but miss my girlfriends so much so I feel I can't win wherever I live. The weather is dreadful compared to Norfolk which sometimes gets me down. There are pros and cons whatever you do but then that's life isn't it.

Take your time! Surely no hurry?

Nobody seems to be thinking about the cost of moving, it is a lot. It’s not just a case of move and if you want to move back in a few years you can. True but it will cost you a small fortune.

Have you thought of renting first near DD to see if you like the area

We had this dilemma 10 months ago. For a couple of years we wondered whether to move from Cumbria, where we loved and had friends, interests etc to go to North Yorkshire where our grandchildren live. We were ambivalent about moving and after ‘testing the market’, our house sold like lightening. This was a huge shock for me as I didn’t feel ready to leave Cumbria and agonised as to whether we were making the right decision. Anyhow, we went with it and it has proven to be the best decision we made. We love the new area where we live, are starting to make new friends and the best bit is being able to see the kids regularly and spend time together. I think no one can tell you what the right thing to do is, and in my experience I thought moving might be disastrous and it turned out to be amazing. I don’t know if this is helpful or not and can only suggest trusting your inner voice. Good luck with whatever you do decide.

My daughters relationship broke down. After 20 years. She lives round the corner from us now and has done for 4 years.
The key to this is you don’t visit unless your asked or ring to say your popping round. You ask is it ok. She does the same with us. She works full time in a high powered job so we know she needs her chill time.
She and we are quite happy with that.We are in our 70s but wouldn’t want our daughter to be worrying about us as we are quite independent.

I did exactly that. I have twin daughters and when there children were born I could not bear only seeing them a few times a year. I moved to be near them and it was absolutely the right thing to do. I miss where I used to live but not as much as I previously missed my grandchildren. We are all so close now and I see them often. But I have to say that I was quite certain one at least would stay living in the area as she missed us too!!! It is something worth considering.

You have hadxso much heartache you are probablyxstill griving for your father.You needcno more changes .Stay put

I like the idea of the older one(s) living independently but in the same house.

Btw I moved from south to north west in my 40s and didn't notice a huge change in weather. I loved the idea of a buzzing city with countryside on my doorstep. And I had the sea 30 miles away

I moved 150 miles to be near my daughter and family in 2005. I was here for a few years then my Son in laws employers were discussing moving him and family to Texas. My daughter insisted at the time that if they moved, I would be going with them. The move never materialised and we are all still happily settled here. In fact I better get prepared. They are coming for lunch at 1 pm today. Moving here when I was 64 is the best move I ever made.

I moved from the north of England to the south 8 years ago to be close to my two children, their partners and my 4 grandchildren. It was a hard decision as the property was much more expensive in the south but I am really glad I moved south. I am very happy here, it was the best decision ever!

ComeonGran - I think the big question is whether you've been invited by your daughter to move closer to her. If you have, then I would have no hesitation in moving. I did the same thing but the other way around, moving from a vibrant north western city, to Greater London as daughter requested we be closer to her and the unborn baby as it was then. Not one single regret, freedom pass, in and out of the city for socialising, entertainment in just 20 mins (not with lockdown of course), and have had the unbeatable pleasure of being present when gcs were born and of being in their lives. But, had I not been asked I wouldn't have broached the issue. Now, when daughter talks about moving when the children are at uni (if and when), she makes it plain that we're a family and we go together. This suits me but I know it wouldn't suit everybody. However, if you can work from home as I was doing at the time of my move, it's worth a try and moving to a new environment certainly kept my brain alive and introduced me to lots of new experiences.

They have their own lives. As our grandchildren get older we aren't needed so much. If you move you will be giving up your friends and lifestyle. I think you need to be prepared to build your own life making new friends if you do move

My grandmother had the option to move down to London to be near her only daughter when she is was in her forties but she didn’t want to leave her busy social life. She could have got a job down here too. She stayed in Manchester but as she got older travel for her became more difficult and we used to go and visit for the day in every half term and school holiday. However her daughter, my mother, also reached a point where she could go no longer travel north.
If you can be certain your daughter isn’t going to move and would like you nearer, then do it. You will be able to see the GC and if and when it is necessary your daughter will be able to offer you support and assistance. I assume you have a good relationship with her? If so buy a raincoat and a couple of jumpers and go.

I think if you have had so much trauma and upset you should give your self a break! Stay put and don’t worry about it any more.

It’s been so interesting to read all your viewpoints because they are all things I’ve been saying to myself for a while now, both for and against (including the weather).
We should have been with them this weekend, but after waiting several days for a result, and thinking it had got lost, DGS tested positive for COVID yesterday afternoon. It’s all been a bit of a shock. This year has been a real rollercoaster with both MIL and my father passing away during lockdown, my DS and DIL taking a break from their marriage less than two years into it, and me having a total hysterectomy literally the week before lockdown.
I think I need to think a bit more and wait! And maybe try to get over everything - I’ve cried twice in the last week in Teams meetings.
Thank you all, it’s been so interesting reading your experiences and thoughts.

One of my first thoughts was the change in weather that you probably get - it can be very wet here in the north-west and certainly not as warm as in the south.
Does the move have to be now? If you can still make the journey to see them without any hardships now, might it be more sensible to wait for a bit? As someone has already said they might move and you might be left on your own up here.
I've just seen another post very similiar to mine regarding the weather - wet weather can be very depressing, and it makes a huge difference to me mentally if it's wet or warm and can make my mental health take a nose dive when it keeps being wet.
Good Luck with whatever you decide.

I don't know why you're even considering this.

You're still working and relatively young, and presumably in good health - you can keep your life as it is and visit as often as possible.

And not to be flippant but what about the difference in the weather? In the south we have been basking in mostly glorious sunshine and warmth since the beginning of Lockdown - the NW has been mainly wet and dreary!

I’d stay put for the near future OP. I’m nearly 63 too and still working, single with one DD. If you enjoy working and like where you live, you might regret a move at this stage. Do you have local friends?

Truth is, I don’t really want to move!

I think there’s your answer.

Maybe something to think about when you are older, and working less.

It is not clear in my post. My roots are NW and I live in the SW now

We moved to be closer to dds, our hearts wanted to be back in cumbria but we also wanted to be involved with dgc. We moved from s wales because my husbands job had taken him there and that was our family home for over 30 years. We were 45 miles from each dd, that was 2010 and it has been nice, close but not too close

The children are teenage and pre teenage now and almost independent, I was widowed and just do an occasional babysit for emergency work cover in the day. I moved myself in 2019, to somewhere in the same area as before but with a few shops and buses and then covid struck and things have changed. The shops changed, groups stopped and this was the year I did not get to make new friends

So now I am 72 and wishing I was back in the part of cumbria that I knew well. My family are always there for me but they have their own lives to live and they do. OP if I could turn the clock back, we should both have moved back to cumbria in 2010, we could have been well settled and still have seen our dgc and dds but stayed for a few days instead of popping there

Now OP I have a similar dilemma in reverse to you, I want to go to cumbria and maybe I will but maybe it is too late. If I were you, I would not do it