Asking their son or daughter "What kind of a mum was I?"

I’ve always told my children how beautiful, cleaver and treasured they are. I never leave them without them telling me and me telling them, how much we love each other. Sounds really sickly doesn’t it!

Chewbacca hahahahahahahahahahahaha... THAT is hilarious and absolutely perfect hahaha.....

Bbbface ohhhh myself and my 2 children are really close, we go on holidays together, meals out, I am very much in their lives ( not through being pushy, but just through a natural 'being together' )

I am just curious to wonder what the reply would be if I did ask the question ( which I won't )

Like I say, it might alllllllll stem from this scar of feeling the need to ' do one's best to please others ' I dunno, BUT the replies i have received from everyone have made me see from a different perspective, and for that I thank you all ....

Flowers for those who don't partake in wine

And wine for those that do ....

My childhood was one I would not wish anyone to endure so when this subject came up recently with my daughter I asked if I had been a good enough mum. She wouldn’t answer me so didn’t push it in case she let rip with all my ( many and acknowledged) faults, and was left not knowing what she thought.
Some weeks later she said in passing that she had a happy childhood. Phew, thank goodness for that because I did my best which is all any of us can do.

I remember once commenting to the kids that I was a laid back sort of person and they both collapsed on the floor laughing. I was serious, oh to see yourself as others see you

I learnt a lot from my own parents about how NOT to parent so did the complete opposite when bringing my own children up. They have never been smacked, whacked, hit with belts or knocked about in any way whatsoever. They have never been put down or told that they are ugly or useless. Both my DS and my DD tell me they had a brilliant childhood and have turned out confident, honest, caring, hardworking and are both in strong, stable marriages with children of their own who are bright and trouble free. I have a DiL and a SiL that are loving and caring too. My cup, as they say, runneth over and I am blessed indeed

All I can say is I hope I was good enough. Both my girls have done well. They have good husbands, nice happy children, and that is all I can ask. I did my best, and I hope for my girls, it was good enough.

My elder son wrote an essay in his teens which included the sentence - I had a very happy childhood and I can count on one hand, the number of times I've seen my parents fight. I presume he meant argue as there were no physical fights!

My parents physically fought a great deal when I was younger and my sister and I used to curl up in bed together and try to block out the noise. I still feel sick when I think about it. I'm so relieved I didn't put my children through anything similar.

My daughter tells me she had a great childhood with love and attention. Bought for her what we could afford, holidays etc but not spoiled, however she knew when she got "the look" from me not to carry on what she was doing. She never needed to be smacked. In my childhood however I felt somewhat neglected when I think back with no real love shown. I was the youngest of 6 and quickly discovered the middle sister was the favourite of the family right into adulthood. Mum would never give you a hug or a kiss or any affection really, we didn't go on holidays or have presents etc. Luckily my other sister used to make most of my clothes and take me out etc and I felt she was more of a Mum to me.

With 2 lively boys I suspect they would say I was strict. I did wallop their backsides with a slipper at times if I could catch them as they ran past!!

I brought up five children on not much money with a husband who took little interest in the family, or me either, but he worked very hard to support us as best he could.
I don’t really know what the four ‘home-grown’ children think of their upbringing, but I feel that they think I did a reasonable job.
I have had more feedback from my adopted daughter, who is now 53. I have always worried that her birth mother, who was 17 and forced to give her up, has been waiting for years for her to trace her. My DD has never shown the slightest interest in doing so. When I pressed her about it she told me that I had done a brilliant job of bringing her up, that I was her ‘real’ mum, as far as she was concerned, and she needed no other.
I was very touched, but it hasn’t stopped me feeling bad about her ‘other mum.’

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I had a very difficult childhood and became a difficult adult because of it - prone to anxiety and nerves - but my children knew I loved them and they seem to have got over any grumps and gripes they might have had growing up.

I don't blame my parents for their poor parenting as they had a hard time as children themselves. I think that, beyond a certain point, blaming parents for everything and holding grudges is pointless and childish, and says more about the resentful child than the adult.

Our generation has been able to be more open handed, generous and tolerant with our offspring that that of our parents who often lived in straightened circumstances and with stricter parental control (and punishment) themselves. This easier and more spoilt existence has thrown up its own problems with the snowflake generation and its entitlement.

Given the desire of parents to put right the deficiencies of the previous cohort we will always be improving some areas and unwittingly adding some deficiencies of our own.

I think and hope they would say 'good enough'. They both live close by and seem to enjoy our company. Judging by the way they have grown up and are raising their own kids I would say that we got something right along the way.

I'm with those who don't want to know. I love my children and did my best by them (still do) but it was a different childhood to the one they are giving their own children. We had less money, for a start, and days out and other treats were fairly rare, but they always had enough to eat and a roof over their heads. We made sure they attended school and helped them where we could. Holidays were mostly UK seaside ones, occasional trips were to to museums, zoos and the theatre. They had books to read and were read to, they had friends to play and birthday parties, and modest present offerings at Christmas. But, as others have mentioned, we were frugal and we saved money for rainy days, so lavishness was out of the question. We were not harsh disciplinarians but we made sure ours were polite and well mannered and knew how to behave and they were not the constant focus of our attention (you can see where this is going!) So, if my AC compared their own childhood to that of the grandchildren it would be seen as wanting.
Different times.

When my son finally got married a few years ago, 13 years and 2 children later, in his speech he said something along the lines of "Now I have children of my own, I realise what a tiring and difficult a job it is, and my Mum did it on her own". I've never been prouder of him, or reduced to tears so quickly!

My mother had a favourite child-my middle sister and she did not bother to hide it either. She blamed me for causing discord in the family due to jealousy when my sister was born, but how can a 2 year old control their jealousy. If you ask me what my mother was like I would say she was a bitch, but my middle sister would say she was brilliant, and my younger sister would say our mother had a favourite child.

Geekesse I absolutely agree with all you’ve said. My two girls appear to enjoy all their time with me and it thrills me that they do. We are great friends and go away on holiday together.i love it!

I did the best I could. Definitely more loving and caring than my mother was.

I adored my children from the moment they were born, I tried more than anything to keep them 'close' to each other (because my brother & I weren't) & I succeed so I am more than satisfied in mine & their dads parenting.....we did OK!

Spot on TrendyNannie6.
I woudn`t need to ask either I did what i thought was right by myself and D`sons.

As far as I am concerned, my DDs have turned out well, so I must have done something right!!

Chewbacca

I've just phoned and asked my DS, " DS, what kind of a mum was I when you were growing up?" His reply, "You were great mum, now bugger off, I'm working". That'll do for me!

Brilliant!

Both sons are middle aged dads so they know 'all' about parenting! One has nothing but praise - I was the best possible mum. The younger one says I didn't make him do his homework! To which my answer is 'you mean the homework you always said you didn't have?' But I know he's kidding - as he was then!

I think if you can honestly say that most of the time you did your best given your knowledge, finances, health etc - that's all anyone can expect. Adults who blame their failings on their upbringing are not facing the whole truth. I could criticise my own parents for many things - but -THEY WERE DOING THEIR BEST AT THE TIME.

But dontmind, you could have reversed it. I took everything my mum did, and did the opposite. Luckily, my mum never asked me, I think she knew the answer.