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Grandparents rights to see grandson

(10 Posts)
Sequin Thu 17-Sep-20 14:33:10

Hi my daughter died on January 4th this year of a brain tumour she wasn’t married and had a son of 7 of which we are being dictated to about seeing him... my daughter couldn’t put it in her will ref access..And I promised her that we would have him 1 weekend a month and have him maybe 2-3 weeks of school holidays...but her ex partner is very controlling and doesn’t contact us it’s always us that do the contact...he’s acting like god with him... has anybody else has had this problem and have any advice I would appreciate it thanks in advance Chrissie

Toadinthehole Thu 17-Sep-20 15:03:17

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter, but so pleased she gave you a little grandchild. This is very strange...because we have been talking about this this morning. Was your daughter married? If she wasn’t, then apparently your grandson’s father has no rights over his child, he has to apply for adoption! We were staggered at this, but we know because our daughter isn’t married to her childrens father. His father has been researching what would happen if our daughter died,what rights his son would have, and it seems very little, even over his own child. It might be worth you contacting Citizens Advice. Obviously, I’m not sure about this, or how thorough the research was, but it’s at least something positive you can do.💐

Lolo81 Thu 17-Sep-20 15:20:45

Chrissie, I’m so sorry about the loss of your DD.
Do you still have regular contact with your GS?
Assuming your GS’s father has taken full custody of him, could you try to build a better relationship with him so that he sees you as a part of his extended support system?
Obviously the pandemic will have affected the ability to extend his household over the past few months, which is a circumstance that no-one could have anticipated.

AGAA4 Thu 17-Sep-20 15:51:53

So sorry you lost your daughter Sequin. Your grandson needs all the support he can get and should have regular contact with you.
You could contact Cafcass (family courts) for advice.

V3ra Thu 17-Sep-20 16:14:34

A mother automatically has parental responsibility for a child.
So does the father if they're married.
A father who isn't married to the mother has parental responsibility if he is named on the child's birth certificate. That could be the case here.

Did you have a good relationship with the father before? I'm wondering if he's afraid he might lose his son and that's why he's behaving as he is.
As long as he responds when you do get in touch I wouldn't read too much into him not contacting you, that's par for the course with men in my experience.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter Sequin and I hope you can reach an amicable arrangement with your grandson's father.

Madgran77 Thu 17-Sep-20 17:12:16

Sequin what a sad time for you.

A few thought s from me that I hope will help.

*Building a relationship with his father must be the best way forward if it is possible. I wonder how your relationship was with him prior to your daughters death?
*What was he like with your daughter? Was it a positive relationship from your perspective?
*He is presumably grieving too as well as caring for a grieving little boy.
*Did you have any discussions prior to your daughters death or just after, about your daughters wishes?
*You say he is controlling from your perspective. Was he controlling previously or is this maybe a coping mechanism with his grief and dealing with his son's grief?
*Whether he has "legal rights" over his son, the point is that the little boy IS his son. Thinking in terms of legal rights is worrying; would it be to the benefit of your grandson to go down that route?

Ofcourse you want to see him and you want to follow your daughters wishes. From the information you have given so far, I would advise trying to find a way through by talking to your grandson's father, speaking about what help he might need that you can offer, acknowledging his grief, your grandsons grief, your own grief.

I hope that you can find a way forward for your grandson, for you and for his father that works for all of you flowers

Madgran77 Thu 17-Sep-20 17:13:30

Sequin I notice that what I think might be your real name is at the end of your post; I wonder if you would prefer to ask GN to remove that personal information?

sodapop Thu 17-Sep-20 17:19:36

So sorry for your loss Sequin

I agree with Madgran and hope you can work things out with your grandson's father that would be the best way forward for your grandson.
I hope you can all support each other in your grief, flowers

Oopsadaisy4 Thu 17-Sep-20 18:28:13

I think that it’s early days, you are all grieving , your daughters partner and your Grandson, maybe his father feels it’s better that his son is with him at the moment, your Grandson will obviously be going through some tough times and maybe wants to be with his Dad?

MissAdventure Thu 17-Sep-20 19:13:44

It's also as well to remember that time spent without contact would count against you, apparently.

These situations must be so, so difficult.