Chauvinism and how do you deal with it?

The current fashion seems to be "My lovely" I just think to myself "No I'm not!" The silly thing is that when I lived in Cornwall I would have been very put out if anyone in a shop hadn't called me "My lover" of "My bird".

When I worked in a coffee shop one old chap was absolutely furious because my friend called him "Young man" we were very tempted to say "That's all right, we'll just call you miserable old git then"

I am completely with you on this Spangler and find these familiar terms of addressing women patronising, and in my experience only used by older people.

I worked until March in a customer facing role and addressed people as Sir or Madam as I thought appropriate

Mrs Rochester So you wouldn't find it peculiar if a car salesman called you sweetheart, darling and my lover - then turned to your husband, called him sir and virtually bowed down before him? You wouldn't wonder whether he was going to chuck you under the chin next, and produce a lollipop for this pretty little child?

I attend a formal do a year or two back where the audience were addressed as Men and Woman rather than Ladies and Gentleman.

It annoyed me that women had been bumped down to second place!

Beauregard, you obviously are not considered to be old yet! There comes a time when EVERYONE calls you darling, love sug etc etc!

I find generally that people don't think they are talking down to you, they think they are being nice, or polite, or chivalrous. Of course there are always some who are trying to belittle you!

I don’t find darling, dear, love, me ducks, my lover, etc., the least offensive, never have ?‍♀️
Each to their own.

Am I getting myself into hot water?

you are if you refer to women as Ladies.

That is why I said "in the same situation" Jane. In your business experience men and women were treated the same. That is how it should be.

In my business experience people's actual names were always used. To refer to an individual as sir or madam would attract only smiles and the assumption that the speaker was joking.
Of course written and spoken language use is different.
As regards my own personal experience of face to face communication nobody would dream of talking down to me in any way. The waitress in question was a nice lady and we enjoyed her attempt to be professional and its 50/50 success rate. Of course we didn't have chip on our shoulders.

Spangler That sort of contradicts my first paragraph, but I'm not suggesting any sort of right or wrong, I just think that the Ladies should get a similar kind of respectful greeting as a man gets.

Am I getting myself into hot water?

Well, a little bit I bristle a bit when men are men but women are ladies...

Please take this in the spirit its offered!!

I was once at a lecture where I was the only women. The lecturer graciously addressed us as "Madam and gentlemen"! Being only 19 at the time, I was thrilled.

At work I was very often the only woman in the room. Men People used to think that referring to us as "Gentlemen and Alegrias" was polite. It used to drive me up the wall.

Also, I was often referred to as the "lady" in the room. They got quite confused when I would tell them that they didn't know if I was a lady or not, use my name or don't refer to me separately at all.

Generally I'm not bothered by things like that as I'm quite easy going.

The only time I might be mildly irritated is if a much younger person were to call me 'love'. I'd find that a little patronising.

I am with Spangler on this. If a man is deferred to as "sir", then in the same situation a woman should get the same deference.

Equally, if the woman is being called "darling" or "dear", or "love", then in the same situation the man should be "mate" or "pal" or "me old cobber" or whatever a bloke informally calls a dear friend. If they wouldn't dare be as matey with a man, how come they feel it is OK to assume such familiarity with a woman?

Anyone who can't see the discrimination between the different levels of respect with which some people address males and females needs to take off the blinkers and see clearly just how sexist their subconscious attitudes are.

Jane10

PS I don't think 'sir' is particularly respectful these days. Its most often used patronisingly or ironically.

You mean as in everyday use? I must remember to make myself clear. My use of any sort of title comes from the business world, Sir is used until you know a person's name, then it's Mr, or Mrs or whatever the lady prefers.

But, having been out of the hot seat for quite a while perhaps things have changed, I wonder if anyone, in the business world, ever calls a man 'mate' instead of Sir?

Perhaps the use of formal titles is deemed to be something of class distinction.

PS I don't think 'sir' is particularly respectful these days. Its most often used patronisingly or ironically.

I just thought it was funny Spangler. If I objected to a man calling me dear or darling I wouldn't expect another man to complain on my behalf - I'd deal with it myself! A lot depends on the situation and the individual concerned.

I don't think I have ever called anyone other than a young child anything but their name, and I have never, and never will, call a man 'sir.'
On the other hand, it doesn't matter to me if I am called ducks, dear, darling or whatever. The only thing I don't like is Ms, because it is not a real word.

Sorry trisher!

Didn't mean to quote you there.

trisher

In Yorkshire it is common to refer to men and women as "luv" or "duck". Here in Geordie land it can be "hinnie" or "man" for either sex. Maye there's more equality up North!

I do get your point, Spangler

But I'm in the north west of England

Most people in my village get called darling, love, sweetie etc.

Men and women of all ages will use these terms of endearment to men, women and children of all ages!

Jane10

A nice middle aged waitress at a hotel we stayed at used to refer to us as 'sir' and 'dear'. Not sure what to make of that!

If you find it acceptable that a man is called Sir, but a woman is dear, then who am I to argue?

In the same situation my wife would be enraged and I would back her to the hilt.

That sort of contradicts my first paragraph, but I'm not suggesting any sort of right or wrong, I just think that the Ladies should get a similar kind of respectful greeting as a man gets.

Am I getting myself into hot water?

In Yorkshire it is common to refer to men and women as "luv" or "duck". Here in Geordie land it can be "hinnie" or "man" for either sex. Maye there's more equality up North!

I don't care what I'm called so long as it's not too late for dinner.