Husband won't accept 'charity'

Luckygirl you are both wrong and right. AA is granted on the basis that because of disability you need help with personal care, whether washing and dressing, moving around or hearing and seeing and other things (have a look at the form). If you put on the form that you need help with gardening or cleaning it will be ignored.

However once you are granted the AA on the basis of your personal incapacity, you are right, what you spend the money on is up to you, and if you use it to pay for a gardener, or a television with a remote control, or a taxi to get you fish and chips once a week, or even a small flutter on the geegees, on a Saturday (all things one of my clients did with his AA). Others spent it on new beds, armchairs and microwaves and rewarding a grandson, who always checked on his grandmother on the way to school.

But you have to prove a need for help with personal care to get it.

Attendance allowance awarded for help with personal care i.e washing dressing etc. It is not awarded for help with gardening etc.

That is not how it works. Recipients are allowed to spend the money however they wish to make daily living easier. It is awarded because you need help with personal care, not for it.

As I said above, my OH's was spent on someone to sit with him while I (the main carer) would go out to get a breather from providing personal care. This was key in keeping him at home as long as I did.

It also went towards someone to help in the garden and to clean the house - a recognition of the fact that my caring responsibilities left little time for these things.

When he had carers in permanently the AA was gobbled up by SSD as part of his contribution to the cost.

MOnica Thank you. I will apply. So many things you mention apply to me. I have a stair lift, wear pull on trousers, installed a shower in place of the bath as I have been unable to bath for about 12 years.

Apply for it on your own, don't tell him, if you get it use the money as you wish. (Maybe cancel his order for the Daily Mail , Times, Telegraph and/or Daily Express)

it is unusual to be visited by any official re AA.
they sometimes ring up.

Thank you

Monica, excellent post!

once it is awarded it becomes yours to spend on whatever you choose! Be it gardener, someone to help in the house or anything else!!! you are visited to see your circumstances
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Attendance Allowance isn't means-tested so it doesn't matter how much income and savings you have.19 Aug 2020

blubber AA is about so much more than about washing and dressing. I always used to say to my clients who answered like you 'So you jump into the bath and get out as if you were still 20, do you? And then they would start, ' Oh no, I have had special handles on the bath/ a special bath seat/ we have replaced the bath with a shower because I cannot manage a bath' All these devices are solutions to problems, the problem being that you do, ideally, need some help with washing and bathing. The same with dressing, do you choose clothes that are easy to take on and off? Do you wear socks instead of tights because they are easier to put on. How long does it take you to dress? Often the answer to all these questions are controlled by your disabilities.

This is the thing that is so difficult to get through to so many people. So many people, because disabilities come on slowly, make incremental changes in how they do things to accommodate their disability. None of these changes would be made if you were as fit and agile as you were in your prime. All are solutions to developing problems.

The AA also covers far more than washing and dressing. It covers any danger of falling and actual falls, moving around (do you have a stair lift?)

The AA form constantly asks whether you have any difficulties doing things and what aids you need to do things. The fact that you can manage to do things, doesn't mean that you will not qualify for AA.

As for your comment. I am disabled but can wash and dress myself therefore I would not dream of applying even though the extra money would be very useful. I presume that liek most of us you have worked all your life and paid National Insurance. The point of insurance is that it is there when needed. Your NI payments cover benefits you might need if you became disabled. If someone damaged your car would you refuse to make a claim on your insurance? That situation is no different from not claiming AA when you qualify.

Here is a link to the AA form
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/814733/aa1-attendance-allowance-interactive-claim-form.pdf
Read all the accompanying notes and then say you have no justification for applying for it.

Obviously if you want to cut your nose off to spite your face you have that choice, but when you say the money would be useful. it seems perverse.

blubber

Suziewoozie AA is awarded on the basis of need for personal assistance e.g. Washing, dressing etc. If such assistance is not required then applying for it would be doing so under false pretences. I am disabled but can wash and dress myself therefore I would not dream of applying even though the extra money would be very useful. Don't forget we are all paying for it through our taxes etc. so every false claim is being paid for by us all.

It’s not about false pretences - you tell the truth on your application form. It’s about what you then spend the money on. You might need help washing/dressing but say your daughter helps you with that. You don’t pay her per se but might treat her to something or the dgc.

why don't you apply for it, Blubber, depending on the nature of your disability, and that you are pension age.
SuzieWoozie has given a correct summary above your post.
there seems to be a lot of confusion about AA, which may put some people off from applying which would be pity. most people who get it, in fact should could have claimed much earlier than they did.
the person who wrote about their husband broken back, mentioned going back to work, so he would not have been eligible as it is for people above pension age, and where a doc can say the disability is likely to be permanent.

Suziewoozie AA is awarded on the basis of need for personal assistance e.g. Washing, dressing etc. If such assistance is not required then applying for it would be doing so under false pretences. I am disabled but can wash and dress myself therefore I would not dream of applying even though the extra money would be very useful. Don't forget we are all paying for it through our taxes etc. so every false claim is being paid for by us all.

Pensionpat am I right in believing that AA is not given to pay for anything in particular but is awarded to people who qualify on the basis of the needs they have? It’s upto the person who receives it what they spend it on. As I said earlier those of you without disabilities may not appreciate the extra financial costs that accompany disabilities that there is no extra financial help for. All that matters for the OP is that she gets help filling the form in so that her physical needs are clearly demonstrated. If she qualifies, them she can spend the money on what she wants - gin, gardener whatever.

Do you think you need his permission to apply?

You don't. Go for it and get your garden done by a professional, if he wont help.

Attendance allowance awarded for help with personal care i.e washing dressing etc. It is not awarded for help with gardening etc.

We had a lovely lady who came from Age UK and filled the form in on our behalf, made things so much simpler and they know the correct way to do it. DONT attempt to fill it in yourself.
My husband has Vascular Dementia and Parkinson’s and I was trying to do everything and care for him as well, so the AA pays for someone to mow the lawn every week plus all the other jobs that he previously would have done. Makes life so much easier.

Would your husband claim on your house insurance if the roof blew off in a storm?

How many years did he pay into the national insurance system? This is the same as t he roof, your body needs help so you are claiming against that insurance that he paid for all those years.

It is supposed to be for personal care, ie help getting washed, dressed etc so that you have some help paying someone to care for you.

Can you find someone locally to cut lawns, prune and do heavy gardening work if neither of you are fit enough.

Otherwise perhaps a local club or local people would come and use some of your land to grow vegetables etc. and do some heavy work. Someone I know used to do that for an elderly person, and shared in the vegetables. They may be glad because there is a waiting list for allotments.

Maybe he thinks attendance allowance is for real needs not luxuries like a tidy garden.

The weekly rate of AA for people who have difficulty with personal care during the day or night is £59.70. For people who have difficulty during day and night the weekly rate is £89.15. Not peanuts. Life changing for some people and they can spend it on anything at all. Or not.

he can't/won't help me even with the heavy work because I've always managed

Selfish git.

Make clear to him that you can't manage now and you need help, from him or someone else.

I filled in the form for my DM when she was awarded AA. It is long but it's common sense and you can see what's behind the questions. It's not a lot of money you'll receive either but it will pay for a gardener every couple of weeks. Keep an open mind when you're filling in the form - don't want to be negative but your condition is unlikely to improve so think about it as worse case scenario help with housework. Don't think 'I can do the housework if I just get help with the garden'. Think 'I need help with staying safe, as painfree as is possible, and clean in my home.' If you don't get help with work in the home maybe you would have to move into sheltered accommodation? Social Services do not want to recommend that, far too expensive, and you are far more likely to be awarded AA. I disagree about meals, btw, DM could make her own lunch but she had other health problems that meant she would not be healthy in her own home without help. Do get Age Concern to help, I hear they are very good, if DH is concerned tell him he's paid NI for it all his working life. Or tell him nothing other than you're going to get a gardener anyway because you're not well enough to do it. He probably doesn't realise how much work a gardener can do in one visit. Unfortunately, you might be on the beginning of a journey (carers etc) if you are both unwell, so the sooner he accepts you might both need help the better. AA is a signal to SS that you might need a bit of extra help in the future. It's hard for a man if the two of you have always managed without help, unfortunately he will probably need a bit of common sense talk. Age Concern, doctor or children might help to persuade him.

There is nothing to stop you applying for AA you do not need your dh permission. You may not meet the criterion for payment anyway. I say this because my dh broke his back in a car accident, several years ago. He had to spend 3 weeks in hospital and then 5 months on morphine at home on a blow up bed in middle of the lounge and wear a body splint when he got up off the bed even to go to the loo. He had catheter for a month. He could not go back to work until 9 months after accident and was left in a lot of pain he still experiences. No one suggested he would be entitled to AA. The criteria is supposedly higher than it used to be bit nothing to stop you from trying to get it. Either way your dh should help with you garden. Do you have any dc or dgc who could help with your garden?

I suspect he just doesn’t like change, and nothing you can say will persuade him to like change.

I don’t understand how he can stop you from applying for the money and spending it on looking after the garden of that’s what you want to do, except by him making it unpleasant for you by grumbling. You can decide NOT to have a conflict about it by not having an argument about it. Just do it, as the Nike advert says!

I would apply for it purely to protect your back, because as many of us know, once a back is damaged, it needs care.
Just tell him kindly that you respect his views on charity or claiming this benefit, and the fact that he doesn’t believe in it.
But you do.
Neither of your views are right or wrong, we cannot control how others view things.
Your intentions are good ones. Do let us know how you get on. Good Luck.