Husband has succumbed to depression

inishowen, if he can speak normally to numerous people on the phone, he can speak civilly to you.
Reading between the lines, he seems to be punishing you. Very difficult for you to sort out if he won’t speak to you.
For myself, I wouldn’t be putting up with it, can you visit your daughter for a few days and leave him to stew.
Then tell him that you’re not coming back unless he pulls his socks up, by either going to the Doctors if he’s depressed or speaking to you, if he’s upset with you for some reason.
He’s making you miserable, don’t put up with it.

I agree with what others have said but would add that you need to understand that he can't help it.

Mental illness isn't something we choose, being a heavy drinker may have started as a choice but will have become an addiction which he didn't choose. What he needs now, as well as professional help, is a supportive family. Yes, I know that will be hard but in the short term it is the best thing you can do for him. It may include 'tough love' and you need advice from a professional about how to help him.

If you feel it would help go on the Black Dog Gang thread where you will get a lot of support.

People who give up heavy drinking and going cold turkey can give themselves problems. If the body is used to large amounts of alcohol and then the supply is cut off suddenly they can become very ill. I was in a treatment many years and they dealt with alcohol and drug dependent people. They always put the residents on medication to help them detox from the drug or drink. Some people still had problems with fits while they were detoxing.
As others have said speak to your GP about everything. Even if husband won't seek help, you speaking to someone about the problems might help you with it all. And you may be able to help your husband then. Mental illness is an awful disease and you can't force anybody to seek help if they don't want to do it. Good Luck.

Thanks everyone for your kind responses. Today is another day of silence. I cant ring the GP because he would hear me and would probably take the phone off me. Our daughter is coming to visit today but I've warned her by text he might be horrible to her. He saw his doctor 6 weeks ago about high blood pressure and that's why he stopped drinking. He's a very competent man who has a lot going on. The phone rings constantly for him and he talks to people normally. My daughter says he's good at acting. I will let you know how things go. Thanks again.

Do speak to your GP urgently. Heavy drinkers going cold turkey could bring on all sorts of symptoms, some quite serious.

I tend to agree with Buffybee.
Alcohol is a known way of self medicating. As you know withdraw also brings o depression.
It I were in your position I ishowen, I would contact GP and maybe AA.
Why did he give up now? Does he have another health problem
(Liver?) Which prompted this change?
Poor man.
best wishes.

I think the answer could lie in your last sentence, regarding him being a heavy drinker and giving up 6 weeks ago.
Was this his choice or because of health reasons or does he blame you? Do you think he's struggling to not drink which is making him angry and on edge?
If you can find a time to speak to him, he could probably do with speaking to his Doctor but I appreciate this may be difficult.
Meanwhile, as there is nothing you can do about his behaviour, I would carry on with whatever you are doing as if he wasn't there and try to not let it affect you so much.
Unless of course you think he could harm himself.

I would imagine your husband's poor behaviour has a great deal to do with him giving up alcohol without any apparent support. You need to seek advice for you, on how to react to him and how to maintain your own life without being dragged down by his destructive behaviour. I doubt very much whether he will accept help or guidance for himself at present.

I agree with the other posters. He needs to see his GP asap or go straight to A & E at hospital. Does your husband have or had any interests? I found distraction helped. Men tend to internalise depression and sometimes need dragging to the GP/hospital. You need to stay strong for him. Gransnetters are in the main really helpful and good people. Keep speaking. All the best x

Make an appointment to talk this through with your GP as others have advised.

I do hope helpful advice as to what treatment your DH needs sees a change for the better for you both. ?

We are always here if you need support. Take care of yourself too.

It sounds like something triggered by the withdrawal of alcohol. I think as suggested try to contact GP but maybe look up sites helping people who are trying to give up/reduce alcohol and support sites?

I do think the GP should be involved here. If eh refuses then try ringing MIND for advice. Depression in men is often more serious because they do not seek the help they need and deal with it properly.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

inishowen he doesn't hate you, he just can't cope with how he feels. I agree ring your GP and talk to them, if he won't accept help that's up to him but you need some support as well. The drink has probably been helping him cope, but it is no long term solution lots of people who are bi-polar use drink to self medicate. If you can catch him when he seems less angry and depressed you can maybe persuade him to seek help. But take care of yourself and contact anyone who could help out, from professionals to friends or relatives, you don't need to tell them everything just that you need some support. Hope things improve for you.

I doubt he hates you - probably hates himself more. He definitely needs help.

inishowen Your post made me so sad. I haven't really any advice other than to contact your GP. This lockdown is causing so many problems. I have a friend whose husband is placid and upbeat. She rang me last week to say he had 'lost it' with her, shouting and telling her if she'd bought him any presents for Christmas, she can put them in the bin. I hope you find a solution.

I would call a crisis team or talk to your GP. Such a big change in demeanor needs to be checked out.