"Men unhappy when wives earn more"

We are both retired, but I now have more pension income than my husband. He used to have a business(where he would have earned more than me) and prior to that he worked as a Transport Manager, so again, would have earned more than me. He had to retire due to ill health, and his business partner (an Accountant) ran off to Spain with the contents of the Bank Account, and so he was made redundant. This took away his Pensions, Life Assurance etc. All this happened before we met and married, late in life when I was widowed and he was divorced. We don't have any problems with attitudes to money, or who has what. We have separate Bank Accounts, but will happily transfer money from one to the other, at any time, to meet any need!

I can only go by my experience. My OH always says he isn’t bothered if I earn more but when we married and I wanted to pool everything he refused, wanting separate accounts. I am nearly 10 years younger when we met, and had just had a career change which was expensive. I would say for last 15 years I’ve earnt alot more than him and have a very good pension. He is relying on inheritance to fund his. But underlying all this, he definitely believes he has more money because he is better with money than me. True colours. I’ve worked in male dominated industries alot and I firmly believe that yes, men want to be seen to be the breadwinners and head of household. Probably why they still expect women to give up their name on marriage and men rarely do.

I never went to work after I had the children but my husband suffered poor health so I did all the gardening, veg growing, decorating, house painting ( up the ladder to the gable) laying concrete drive etc. We were better off than if I had gone out to work.

DH and I have never had this problem, but a lot of women both in our generation and amongst the young do.

Basically, a lot of men feel uncomfortable or threatened if their wives earn more than they do, or are more intelligent than they are.

Ask a woman with two good university degrees or a professional musician especially one whose husband plays the same instrument professionally, and I'll bet they will agree.

It takes more than three generations to change these attitudes apparently, but at least we don't have to ask our husband's permission to work, as my mother did.

She had to fit her work into a schedule that suited my father. Even when she was making a major contribution financially, he treated her job like a hobby she did in her spare time, when and as it suited him.

When we were younger, DH was proud of what he earned so I could stay home with the children. (£6pw for shopping! How on earth did we manage?)
When I went back to work, and earned more, it all went into the same pot so wasn’t mentioned. When he was made redundant, we were both glad I was earning. I do remember my dad apologising for not earning so much when he changed jobs but it didn’t seem to be a big issue.

The couples I know where the wife is the higher earner don't seem bothered by it; the trouble seems to come if the husband is unemployed and resents being a house-husband.

Being a house-husband when there are no children is not comparable to being a stay-at-home-mum, any more than being a stay at home-wife with no children.

My granddaughter is the breadwinner and her husband looks after the three children and all the household tasks apart from cooking. He also converted the garage into a playroom and did the loft conversion unaided.
They are a very happy family.

since dh died, a year ago, I have learned how good we were together..

a lot of our time together I earned more than him, I asked him at one time, never bothered him, or me... he did stuff around our homes,, gosh that is lovely to remember.. how good we were together.

Given the number of couples who are not married, have separate accounts and only contribute equally to household expenses (even married couples live like this nowadays) don't think it is such a problem as the media is reporting.

Have these men never heard of Women's Liberation and the gender pay gap?

If that is so then the men have a problem that they need to address.

In some men they see themselves as the family provider, and dislike the thought of a wife bringing home her own income, it's the old fashioned idea of the Hunter gathered role whilst she stays home to raise strong healthy children. My own Grandfather was like that, born during Victorian times, it was simply not the done thing for a woman to work, and young girls were expected to give up their job and become stay at home house wives the day they got Married!

This sometimes went a step further, with only Sons allowed to inherit their Fathers estate, not Daughters, and to this day, it's common to see a Company listed as ' John Smith &Son' but very rare to find one registered as 'John Smith and Daughter'!

If a Man only had Daughters, it often fell on his Male siblings to inherit his fortunes, or even a Son-in-Law if he had worked in and help to develop a partnership in the family business.
Thankfully the Laws have now changed and Daughers have equil rights in inheritance to their brothers, but my own husband disliked the fact that my inheritance from my father was for a greater amount than he had inherited from his Dad over 20 years ago!

My Ex always hated me earning more than he did. Said his friends took the mickey out of him. Why did he tell them? Could never understand that! Glad not to have to have that ‘discussion’ regularly any more!

Depends on their background and how they have been brought up I'd guess.
If their father was one that was seen as the "head of the household" it may cause problems, but what happened to the "marriage is a partnership" idea?
If both salaries go into the same pot, it surely can't matter who earns what.
I would love to know just where the info for this statement comes from.

I've worked with a lot of professional women (usually graduates), perhaps over a thousand. I can only think of one whose family including her husband moved area for her career. However I've had many female colleagues who moved sideways or down a pay grade or 2 when the man got a promotion that was in another part of UK.
So if the question is whose career was more important? Man's almost every time.

I'm guessing Davidhs, that you've been a house-husband without small children at home. (I make this guess because it's a post-retirement situation.) What a difference that makes!

My daughter in law earns more than my son.
Son hopes in the next few years to be earning more but in relation to his wife's wages it is irrelevant.
Household money is household money

I nearly always earned more than my husband, consequently, I now have a bigger state and private pension. As all the monies go into one pot there is never any mention of it - so no problem at all.

My eldest daughter earns far more than SIL - spends more too!. Doesn’t cause a problem, they are not short of cash, in general it’s OK as long as the relationship is good.
The changes we have seen with more women taking middle management jobs might cause a problem for some men, admin and professional work that men would have done. With technology, mobile phones and computers it’s easy now to work from home for many women and fit in with family life.
A man with a high earning wife should consider himself lucky, he could have a lazy one at home always complaining how hard life is.

My OH was also a student when we married - and so was I for one year afterwards, but I could put him on my Home Office grant as a dependent - he was very happy about that!

When I started earning and he was still a student I had trouble with the Inland Revenue who would not accept me filling in the tax return in my own right - I had to fill it in in his name as if my earnings were his - barmy!

I thought that too sodapop! I stayed home for 7 years until our daughters started school-I’ve never worked so hard!!
Our DD1 earns more than her DH, in fact she employs him-no problem at all.

Davidhs I didn't realise how easy being a house husband is^

Really - are you sure you are doing everything ?

I was the breadwinner when my first husband sadly passed away (about 21 years ago). We had a joint account and after I’d informed the bank of my DH’s demise they blocked my salary coming in to the account. They were very apologetic when they realised the salary was mine not his. I hope something like this wouldn’t happen nowadays!

I earn about double what Hubby does. It doesn't bother him.

Men are designed to want to provide for their families. That's how they're made. That said, as long as they're providing something, it doesn't always matter to the husband if the wife earns more than he does.

This may be true of some men, but it's certainly not the case in my family - or with my friends, as far as I am aware.