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Ugh - Estate Plans

(9 Posts)
Nanamar Mon 23-Nov-20 19:41:17

Sticky situation - or potentially one. DS is divorced - one DGS. Amicable and we have very good relationship with ex. We have discussed our wills and estate plans with our solicitor. Ex DIL has no parents, no property, no assets. We want to ensure that DS inherits our estate and, after him, our DGS. So far, not an problematic issue and we know DS will not neglect his ex especially for the sake of his son. However, solicitor explains that should we both pass and DS also happen to pass while DGS is a minor, we should put the estate in a trust so he inherits at an appropriate age. Solicitor says ex DIL should NOT be custodian of the estate because it should be a person who cannot in any way profit from the inheritance and can ensure it’s used appropriately - for education, housing, etc. It seems insulting to our ex DIL to suggest that she shouldn’t be in charge but solicitor - as many of her ilk have - has seen terrible situations such as the second spouse of a divorced in-law getting their hands on assets meant for a child’s benefit. DS has said he will discuss with his ex, although appointing a custodian is strictly our choice. DS is an only, so no sins to take on this role. Also I believe DS and ex have yet to appoint a guardian for DGS in the event we cannot take him, although ex has a sister who’d fill the role gladly. Thoughts and experiences welcome!!

Nanamar Mon 23-Nov-20 19:43:02

Sorry - typo. DS is an only so no SIBS - not SINS - though I’m sure he has some.

vampirequeen Mon 23-Nov-20 20:06:59

Have you another close relative you could put as a second trustee and make it that both have to sign paperwork to draw cash from the trust.

Missfoodlove Mon 23-Nov-20 20:07:28

Follow your lawyers advice.
I’m speaking from experience!

MrsThreadgoode Mon 23-Nov-20 21:44:24

My first thought was that you shouldn’t have told anyone apart from the Solicitor what you are planning to do.
You could have waited and appointed the Solicitor to administer the trust or another relative, but the minute your DS mentions it to his ex. the sparks will fly.
After all your Grandchild might be an adult before you both die and the trouble will have been for nothing.
Surely wills and their contents aren’t for family chit chats if they are likely to be contentious.

SynchroSwimmer Mon 23-Nov-20 23:43:17

I heard a friend (a family of solicitors) use the term “blood relatives” in terms of who is allowed to benefit from her own will.
I am trying to build that same term into my own will (to similarly prevent my moneys being wrongly channelled to divorced non-family members)

Nanamar Tue 24-Nov-20 01:26:01

Good point. I guess I was attempting to be too transparent. In the very unlikely event that we’d all pass while DGS is still a minor, I didn’t feel it was right for our ex DIL to be surprised about the terms of inheritance.

FarNorth Tue 24-Nov-20 02:05:10

They should make an arrangement for guardianship of their son, in case one of them dies.
A friend's ex wife did die, when their child was 6 years old.
Her parents wanted to go to court for custody but my friend didn't have to go through that because his ex had stated legally that he was to have custody of their child in the event of her death.

Take your lawyer's advice re the trust. Your exDiL should be happy for things to be like that, so that the boy's money will be protected for him.

MrsThreadgoode Tue 24-Nov-20 13:30:24

Nanamar I know, we all try to do the right thing don’t we, so that there aren’t any surprises?
Who knows your ex DIL might be remarried and have other children in the future so it might be difficult.

We have left ours to ‘blood relatives’ only. However, we can always write another Will if anything changes.