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Husband's friends, how well do you really know them?

(12 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Mon 30-Nov-20 13:35:03

I was thinking this morning about parties we used to go to and dinner dances which were popular in the 60s and 70s.The ladies were often lumped together whilst the men gathered in the kitchen or at the bar.The main socialising was between the women and even though I knew many of these men for years I rarely had a personal conversation with them or really got to know them in the way I knew the wives.
Was this usual or just a N Irish thing?
Also remember being quite shocked when husband's country cousin had an engagement party and the women were ushered into the good room and didn't meet the men at all!

tanith Mon 30-Nov-20 13:41:54

Not at the dinner dances I went to in the 60s/70s lots of dancing and chatting and drinking from what I remember. I met my first husband at a fishing club dinner/dance he was there with family members and I was there with his cousin. Much fun had by all.

grannyactivist Mon 30-Nov-20 13:46:14

My husband has friends scattered across the country that he met through his work, but he has engineered opportunities for me to meet them, which I find very helpful. Many of his local friends share his outdoor hobbies (I don't) and are people I introduced him to, or we met at the same time, so some of his friends are also my friends; they go on bike rides with him and share different interests with me.

JackyB Mon 30-Nov-20 14:44:30

I know my husband's friends and ex-colleagues well and have held many conversations with them. He has no idea about my friends, let alone their husbands and offspring (unless he taught them, he's a retired teacher) and I've given up trying to talk to him about them.

I have never been to any event where the sexes were kept separate.

ElaineI Mon 30-Nov-20 15:55:54

My parents went to events like this but DH and I have never done that.

Elusivebutterfly Mon 30-Nov-20 16:01:12

In the 70s that did not happen at dinner dances and formal occasions but sometimes at informal parties. I found it difficult if a colleague or friend of my DH invited us to a party and the women were left together and I'd never met any of them before. These women usually knew each other and I was too shy to enjoy an evening like that.

M0nica Mon 30-Nov-20 16:37:44

Never been to an event where the women were shepherded into a group and left to themselves, but I know they existed.

The weirdest event I went to was the silver wedding of DH's cousin, where the relatives of one side were put in one room and relatives of the other into an entirely separate room. There was no history of dislike or aggression between the two sides, but it struck me as very curious.

Jane10 Mon 30-Nov-20 16:45:26

I went to a pre wedding show if presents party. All the women in the sitting room with tea and cakes and all the men in the big kitchen with the booze. An uncomfortable situation for me as it was mostly the men that I knew through the sport we were all involved with at the time.
DH's hobbies are not things I'm interested in but I go with him to social events organised by his various clubs.
I doubt he'd know my friends if he met them without me!

kircubbin2000 Mon 30-Nov-20 17:05:51

We went to an Indian wedding once and it was completely segregated. After the women had spent some time together the dowry was brought in and examined for suitability.The reception was segregated too but we and the other
white couple were allowed to sit with our spouses.
After the meal everyone left money at the front instead of presents and as the couple left children threw coins. We were told the husband had some time to decide if he would keep this wife and I seem to remember he decided not to.

Jaxjacky Mon 30-Nov-20 18:06:23

kircubbin2000 my second introduction to DH’s family was the family, large extended family, golf day in NI, beforehand I was told the women prepared the tea for after the game...I think not! I played with a future SIL who broke ranks..we had such a great day and got a prize. So yes, for me a NI thing, this was 2001 mind....

Jane10 Mon 30-Nov-20 20:02:03

kircubbin2000 what a shame for the poor bride. Could she have dumped him if she didn't want to stay married to the groom?

kircubbin2000 Mon 30-Nov-20 22:15:44


kircubbin2000 what a shame for the poor bride. Could she have dumped him if she didn't want to stay married to the groom?

No Jane. She had already refused to marry a couple of men but her father insisted this time. Very strict with his daughter but son out drinking and partying no bother.