feeling deflated and frumpy

Perhaps I should clarify I was told by the hospital that I wouldn’t be prescribed it because of my medical history. It wasn’t my GP refusing HRT.

I was prescribed HRT after a hysterectomy, in my early 50s. Fairly recently I read that it can cause deafness. There is no particular family history of deafness, but I am now, 25 yrs later, without hearing in one ear, and rapidly losing hearing in the other, to the extent that I'm being assessed for a cochlear implant. This side effect is seldom mentioned.

Sorry for the late posting. I have a 'friend' who when we meet looks me critically up and down, no comment or complement is passed, though tbh I'm not looking for either. I have always been a bit of a yo-yo dieter but this 'friend' was generally fairly consistently rounded, until she went on some peculiar diet (which she rammed down everyone's throat) and culminated with her giving me a bag of her cast off clothes, with the comment "these used to fit me when I was fat, I thought you would like them". Oh well, I take comfort in the fact that somehow I've made her feel better about herself.....

Do not compare yourself with anyone else. If you can be happy in your own skin, then that is all that really matters. I can remember, many, many years ago a friend coming to visit me. She was the last word in brilliant figure and smart dress. I had just given birth to my third child in four years, (all welcome and planned children), but felt, dumpy and frumpy. During the visit she broke down in tears telling me of a disastrous relationship breakup, illegal abortion, resulting in her nearly dying, now back at home with her parents who had to pay to get her to private doctor to try to make the best of the boched abortion. She was now unable ever to have a child. Made me realise how little looks matter.

Also, many years later my best friend was a health freak and went to the gym 3x weekly, and ran before brekkie each morning. Did a marathon when she was in her mid-60's. Soon after her 70th birthday she died from cancer, - by that time was depending on stick when I was out, and could not run anywhere at all. Since then my mobility has got worse, but ten years later I am still alive.

Hrt can have long term health issues such as cancer. Generally i find people don't care what we look like as they are too absorbed by themselves. But yes I have felt like that at times. Its not about them. Its lack of self confidence.

I really don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks of the way I look - not even my beloved husband I stopped wearing makeup in my late 30s and people always comment on what great skin I have, and my fresh faced look. HRT is fantastic - for some women - but, like any drug, its not for everyone. I'm just at the start of the menopause at the moment (hot flushes and occasional night sweats) but will be straight to my GP when it gets problematic. There are topical forms of HRT for those who have problems that preclude taking the tablet form. Never take NO for an answer with your GP and HRT - first try to see a female doctor, and if necessary keep consulting with different doctors (most practices these days have at least half a dozen to choose from) until you get what you want. If you are very lucky in where you live you may have a menopause clinic which you can ask your GP to refer you to. Yes menopause is natural but it doesn't mean we have to suffer for what can be many years when there is a treatment available that will help most women.

I think HRT needs to be treated with care, I took it for about 12 month and then diagnosed with breast cancer and the tumour was oestrogen fed and that is what HRT is putting back into your body. Now of course I will never know if the HRT caused it but often wonder if my body was flooded out with oestrogen.

it

Travels
Don’t feel bad about as your friend is going to be really fed up
when she has to stop talking HRT.

Yes it’s great if it agree with you but the after effects when you stop are horrendous.

I took it for 30 + years only really because of my job and hated
giving presentations to boards of directors with water running
down my face it was horrible but all symptoms went when
I started on HRT.
Then I got breast cancer so wasn’t allowed it anymore
All the horrible effects of the menopause came back 100 times worse.I am now 76 still getting the symptoms.
I have advised every young woman I come across not to take it
it’s really not worth it but you don’t know that until it’s too late.
We all have days when we aren’t at our best don’t beat yourself up about.

I was told flat out (before I even asked) that I wouldn’t be allowed HRT because of the health risks. Serious point on the walking stick though, you shouldn’t be leaning down to it. I use a walking pole rather than a cane as it encourages me to stand up straighter, improves posture and helps my gait. My physiotherapist recommends it. It also has a foam ergonomic handgrip that is better for my hand.

I am happy you called her a lady and not a friend. She's toxic. Looking good is all she has in life - and so she flaunts it. I pity her, really I do.

I share your pain. The good thing at the moment is people can't recognise you very well with face masks on. It is also difficult to wear make up with a face mask, without getting it all messy on the inside. If I do come across someone I care enough about to worry what they think, I just go in the opposite direction. I think we all look and feel frumpy at times, but looking good isn't everything, it is what you feel inside that matters and I am sure you are a very nice person so don't worry, beauty comes from within.

EllanVannin. I am aware of your medical background and was therefore appalled to see you reporting that a friend got kidney cancer as a result of taking HRT.
The latest research findings on the subject (July 2020) concluded that:-
There is a significant benefit in terms of kidney cancer RISK REDUCTION in women with a history of more than 12 years of HRT use and a dose response inverse relationship between HRT use and kidney cancer.
Happy to send you the reference.
Scare stories like yours have the result of discouraging women from trying HRT, when perhaps, like the OP, they might well have benefitted hugely.

It reminds me of the scene in Shirley Valentine when Shirley meets her glamorous old school friend in the street and is convinced that she is an air hostess and it turns out that she is a hooker and rather sad! Also, years ago when my kids were small, my old school friend came to visit. She was actually an air hostess on Concorde and I felt quite envious until she broke down and said she couldn't face going on another flight and wished that she could meet someone and have a family. She said the only men she ever met were gay trolley boys or captains who just wanted an affair. The last time I ever saw her she was in her mid forties and never did meet anyone or have children. So for all her glamorous looks and lifestyle all was not as it appeared!

A genuine person wouldn’t make hurtful remarks. I dropped those ‘friends’ years ago. I might rib a very close friend or relative and they likewise, but it’s just fun.
I was on HRT for quite a while, prescribed by a male dr and it did give me the get up and goes (sometimes too much?) but now think it was a mistake as I have suffered breast cancer twice and even though I knew it was in my family, went ahead.
It might not have made any difference as my female cousins have also developed breast cancer, younger than me and not on HRT.
Many of us are two different people, the glammed up one and the dragging oneself around the supermarket. To be sure, your acquaintance will have a dragging herself around day.
Karma.

Just to clear up the question of the protective effects of HRT. Oestrogen prevents the development of osteoarthritis, particularly in the knees. Extra body weight and low oestrogen levels both contribute to osteoarthritis. Oestrogen also prevents osteoporosis.
I have been taking oestrogen now for over 30 years and when challenged about how I manage to look so much younger than my peers I usually say age is all in the mind or, as a way of saying it is nothing to do with me, I sometimes say it’s the HRT.
It is disgraceful that the small chance of side effects to HRT are publicised while the much greater advantages are rarely mentioned.
It should be compulsory for every woman approaching menopausal age (and those having their ovaries removed) to be given the most up to date information of the pros and cons of replacing the missing oestrogen so that they can decide for themselves whether or not they wish to have a menopause.
I chose not to and will be on oestrogen for the rest of my life. My life, my choice.
If nature was allowed to take it’s course most of us would be dead before 50. Fortunately medical advances have given us a much longer life span. If we have diabetes we are deficient in the hormone insulin so medical science allows us to replace that insulin. If we have thyroid problems we replace the hormone thyroxine. If we reach menopause we can replace the hormone oestrogen. It is that simple and all women should be educated and allowed to decide whether or not they wish to continue to live with a hormone deficiency or not.

None of this is of any help to you travelsafar. I believe your friend was simply being truthful, not trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Just concentrate on being as heathy and happy as you can be. No point in wasting precious time with regrets on what could have been but if you have a daughter or daughter in law it would be a kindness to them to suggest they look into the advantages of HRT.

H.R.T. Doesn’t work for everyone.

In fact GPS are reluctant to Prescribe it now because of the risk of breast cancer.
And I thought it was mainly taken to alleviate menopause symptoms.
You don’t have those symptoms, so you don’t need it.

Travelsafar what a nasty condescending piece of work. I’d much rather be known as a kind, caring person, which I’m sure you are, than someone like her.
Who knows what may or may not have happened if you’d taken HRT, it wouldn’t have changed your soul and could have disagreed with you. You are the better person.

Well said riverwalk

I started taking HRT 11 years ago and had a stroke 6 weeks later. They couldn't prove that the HRT had caused the stroke, but I was told to stop taking it immediately and never to take it again.

My Gran always said to find something kind to comment in those kind of situations, such as 'Love your coat, where did you get it from' or a simple 'Oh, I was thinking about you and wondering how you were, so lovely to see you'. People usually know if they are not looking their best and don't need it be commented on. We all have bad days when we are bedraggled and not looking our best - well, apart from the Mum I used to see at my DGD's Junior School who was always immaculately made up and dressed to kill - but she confessed she got up at 5am to make sure she looked that way for the school run!

She sounds awful! So rude. And so pleased with herself too!

Arthritis isn't anything that can be cured by HRT. It can certainly help prevent osteoporosis. You'd be better off with a copper bracelet, frankly. I've been taking HRT for about 15 years now and would hate to come off it, but I have reduced the dose to 3-4 tabs a week rather than daily.

I get so frustrated that GPs seem to think they can refuse anyone HRT - it's not really up to them. If you feel you would benefit by at least trying it, they shouldn't be making decisions for you unless they know you are specifically vulnerable (breast cancer for example).

I meant to add, that even if you do not look as well-dressed as your friend, I am sure you have better manners and a kinder nature, which is what really counts.

I wonder what this so-called friend thought she was doing!

A doctor I once knew said, "You should never comment adversely on someone's looks or health unless you are trying to scare them into taking action."

I believe he was speaking from long years' experience of medical practice.

Whatever happened to it being rude to make personal remarks?

Please, OP, try to ignore this rude woman's unkind remarks. Probably they were not justified.

Wasn’t it lovely of her to point out that you were not looking your best? Seriously, with friends like that...