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Advice needed.

(18 Posts)
Llamedos13 Sat 12-Dec-20 14:05:14

What should I say to a neighbour of over 30 years, I just know her enough to stop and have a quick chat if we pass each other when out for a walk.It’s obvious she has had a stroke judging by her appearance, it’s tragic to see this. Should I offer sympathies?saying nothing seems wrong but I don’t know her well and dont want her to think I am being nosey, far from it.Your advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Blossoming Sat 12-Dec-20 14:08:52

Having had a stroke at a relatively young age due to a brain injury, if it were me I would have appreciated you asking how I was getting along and just a little chat really. Feeling people were avoiding me was horrible.

Situpstraight2 Sat 12-Dec-20 14:10:21

During your quick chat just asked her how she is getting on and let her tell you about it.
Don’t do what I did, ask someone when he had a stroke as he hadn’t mentioned it to me, he said that he was going to the Drs in the morning as he wasn’t feeling too well but he hadn’t realised that he had had a stroke, oh! And thank you very much for nothing and mind my own business in future.

Oops, I don’t think he has ever forgiven me.

Greenfinch Sat 12-Dec-20 14:13:51

I agree with Blossoming. If it were me I would be really glad if someone cared enough to ask about the problem rather than just passing the time of day.

Riverwalk Sat 12-Dec-20 14:13:58

As you only know her in passing I would say nothing other than, along the lines of, how are you doing in these strange times?

It's then up to her if she mentions her health.

phoenix Sat 12-Dec-20 14:17:36

You could just say "Hello, how are you?" ( a very normal greeting when bumping into someone) and let her tell you if she wants to.

Or make some remark about the weather, a very British conversational gambit.

Maggiemaybe Sat 12-Dec-20 14:24:05

As others have advised, please don't avoid your neighbour, but do tread carefully. You can't always tell what the problem is from appearances. Your neighbour might have a condition such as Bell's Palsy.

Nadateturbe Sat 12-Dec-20 14:27:05

I agree. A simple, hello how are you?
Oh dear Situpstraight. How unfortunate!

kittylester Sat 12-Dec-20 14:32:26

I agree with the suggestions to say 'Hello, how are you?'.

Your neighbour isnt hiding away as my son did. He felt really embarrassed to go out for a long time. He is fine going out now but still doesnt like talking about the event. Too many awful memories i suspect. He will happily talk about his disability but not how he got there.

Llamedos13 Sat 12-Dec-20 18:14:38

Kittylester, I think she is being very brave and want to tell her that. Thank you everyone for the helpful

Lucca Sat 12-Dec-20 18:53:57

Definitely ask her how she is doing. I’m sure she will mention the stroke and then you can of course express sympathy etc, I think we avoid stuff like this too much !

BlueBelle Sat 12-Dec-20 19:27:18

I agree with other posters don’t tell her unless she invites you to if you ask how she is getting on, chances are if she wants to she will then tell you her problems, if she replies ‘I m fine thanks’ you ll know she doesn’t want to talk about it
She may not realise her illness (if that’s what it is is) is as noticeable as it is to you she may feel she’s disguising it well, and it would be horrible to have that bit of confidence knocked

blossom14 Sat 12-Dec-20 19:39:59

This is a tricky one my DH had a stroke nearly 3 years ago and his speech is very badly impaired. He did improve with some speech therapy, but I have to almost translate for him.
Some of our friends look at the example of Andrew Marr in making a terrific recovery - it is not always like this for everyone. So do tread carefully.

Callistemon Sat 12-Dec-20 20:02:03

Be friendly, ask her how she is (quite usual at the moment) and let her take the lead.

grannysyb Sat 12-Dec-20 21:38:47

Is it her face? A friend had Bell's palsy which led to his face drooping in one side.

lemsip Sat 12-Dec-20 21:53:13

Stop and ask her 'how she's getting on'? be prepared to listen to her even if it's difficult!

Grannynannywanny Sat 12-Dec-20 22:42:50

I would suggest to stop and say “hello how are you” just as you did previously. Give her the chance to mention or not that she’s been ill.

Blossoming Sun 13-Dec-20 02:46:42

I know it’s well meant, but please don’t tell her she’s brave.