When a person says “no gifts” and then they get you one!

I have a single friend of 30 years standing who buys Christmas and Birthday presents for my 4 grandchildren (aged 15 to 21). My problem is that she spends 3 or 4 times as much as I can afford on each of them. And, incidentally, more than their parents can afford either.

I would never call her out on her generosity, but it makes me feel uncomfortable, and over the past couple of years it is making the two eldest GCs uncomfortable as well.

AIBU

Yes, I did wonder that too Feelingmyage

Perhaps your daughter in law wanted your grandchild to see an exchange of gifts between the adults as part of amicable co-parenting. In which case that has been achieved.

If you’re planning a large purchase, hint for vouchers, we did it years ago for Argos vouchers towards a new TV.

Sorry to digress Nanamar

^I do get annoyed though when close family members with plenty of money buy cheap gifts with no thought

Obviously they are only swapping presents on a tit for tat basis.^

No we aren't. Every year wirhout exception I choose nice presents for my SiL and their husbands because we want to give them something nice. One year from one SiL I got a Boots no 7 free gift bag - given free in Boots with purchases. I was insulted and hurt. Yesterday from the other one I got a £3 eau de toilette and moisturiser set from the other SiL. She knows I have a skin condition and can't use them. I wouldn't use the edt anyway. This is the kind of thing I usually get. They used to buy their brother something nice whilst giving me these gifts. But now they don't bother. They are both very well off plenty of time and energy, no reason other than they don't care, in my opinion. I know they spend more on other family members. Its hurtful.

I was just about to say what Urmston has said. This situation is more about his depression than gift-giving.

I think his mental health issues affect his judgement.
You are best not to pass comment in my opinion as you might fuel the situation.

If someone asked not to buy a gift then I wouldn't. If they then went ahead I would just accept but be a bit puzzled. In this case it seems that they both bought gifts anyway. I would just shrug shoulders, it's hardly worth getting upset over. Which is exactly what I would say to DS.

I do get annoyed though when close family members with plenty of money buy cheap gifts with no thought

Obviously they are only swapping presents on a tit for tat basis.

Maybe time to suggest knocking the gift giving on the head then.

I wouldn't worry about it. It's not important really. Every year I tell my husband not to buy me too many presents because I haven't bought him very much. He always does anyway. It doesn't bother me. I do get annoyed though when close family members with lots of money buy cheap gifts with no thought.

I had to make an agreement with a friend that we don’t buy each other gifts. She spent far too much (IMO) and although she didn’t expect a present in return I felt obliged but couldn’t really afford to match. She spent on stocking fillers what I would spend on main presents. I actually felt belittled by it if I’m honest.

I would just accept that in spite of the arrangement they had gone ahead anyway.
I would say "we did have an agreement you know, but thank you" or similar and just accept it. I think it's a mistake to make anything of it really. Sometimes people really want to give. It is often harder to recieve.

None of your business and I feel you are just having a go at your ex daughter in law when you write how he bought YOU lovely jewellery in the past.

Let it be it’s not your problem let them sort it out

We shouldn't give gifts expecting anything in return. Tell people that you don't buy them (except for children) - and don't expect them either.

If they continue to give presents, it's because they want to.

I once had a neighbour who loved Christmas and just 'had to' have a huge pile of presents for everybody under her tree.

They were all beautifully wrapped and arranged. She couldn't afford to buy much, though. Usually, my 'gift' was a bar of soap or pair of socks!

Irrespective of size of gift, they both broke the agreement. I would stay out of it if I were you.

I have a friend who has everything and plenty pf money- most of it inherited. I said years ago not to exchange gifts mainly because I could rarely find something she liked and frequently I would receive it as a Christmas present the following year which I thought was the height of rudeness.

Now if she gives me a present I say thank you and leave it at that. She complains she has so many people to buy for but I know of one other who also has tried to stop this gift giving. It is her method of buying friendship- it just stresses me out.