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Coping strategies?

(20 Posts)
AGAA4 Fri 08-Jan-21 16:09:17

I understand living alone at this time is not easy. If I feel a bit down I write a list of all the things I am grateful for. I usually find there are a lot. Apart from my family and friends (even though I can't see them now I know they are there) there are so many good things I have in my life.
Too much thinking time isn't good. I read, do puzzles or anything to keep from brooding.

Redhead56 Fri 08-Jan-21 15:30:04

I love books in fact any books really reading Diana Allen The girl from the Tanners Yard at present. I like Catherine Cooksons books and historical romances.
I have completed a lot of free courses on www.futurelearn.com mainly about ecosystems and sustainability social and political science courses. You can get quite wrapped up in these very relevant interesting subjects. The most interesting was about antisemitism it was totally interesting and worth studying. The most recent is a much lighter topic on food labelling.
When I am not on the iPad I am either reading my many recipe books or vegetable growing books. I have been spending more time on Whatsapp with family and friends. Amazon has had a lot of orders from me that's for sure. As others have said you have Gransnet some of the threads are really funny and are always there to keep you company.

Witzend Fri 08-Jan-21 14:36:56

Escaping into a good book.
I’d have gone mad during lockdowns otherwise. I don’t know how people who don’t read manage.

Nannagarra Fri 08-Jan-21 14:11:28

* shoots

Nannagarra Fri 08-Jan-21 14:07:07

I avoid the news and consciously distract myself by looking for signs of new life.

Thinking of babies, I knit ventilator hats for prems and lacy hats for newborns for a local maternity hospital. The rhythm of knitting relaxes me.

This is the perfect time of year to find hope in signs of new life in nature - I look for buds, emerging shot and ways to identify flowers and fungi. This should fit in with your dog walks.

My local library has provided free online resources such as Borrowbox and Ancestry which happily occupy me for hours.

I use exercise to improve my mood and build immunity. As well as being an excellent companion, Hattie will ensure this for you - she’s such an asset now.

Online girly treats (nail varnish ordered last night) and retail therapy work for me too.

I daydream of what I will do when life becomes easier.

Please remind yourself that you have many friends on this site, many who feel as you do and who unswervingly support you.

Hetty58 Thu 07-Jan-21 18:51:13

Willow73 (and others above) are quite right, in that a focus on something like art, books, crafts or exercise really calms the mind and lifts the spirits.

Having reduced from two to just one dog walk a day, I do it later, before lunch, and stay out longer. Being in nature, even a garden, has a very powerful relaxing effect - as does exercise.

I need to have a sense of achievement and progress to be happy. Therefore I tick something off my 'to do' list every day - even if it's just a ten minute task. I'll phone, text or email somebody every afternoon.

Living alone (as I have, for five years) be sure to spoil yourself any way you can. Special food, treats, long soaks in the bath, watching films and comedies, reading etc. - indulge in your hobbies and/or try new ones.

Having things to look after (pets, plants, garden birds etc.) gives us a sense of purpose and progression too.

I switch routines about, maybe have dinner at lunchtime, shower before bed, get up early and then have an afternoon nap, anything different.

Music really motivates and cheers me, too. It's especially useful to help with a task or drift off to sleep. I'm kind to myself, just as a loved one would be.

Severnsider Thu 07-Jan-21 11:43:35

I spend hours on Google Arts & Culture, it lets me look at paintings, architecture, museums that I know i will never see.

I also escape by reading books of pure nostalgia, like Flora Thomson ' Lark Rise to Candleford' 'Still Glides the stream'. And 'Cider with Rosie', a look at a world of innocence - alas long gone.

Buffybee Thu 07-Jan-21 11:29:47

Oh! I forgot, I play online Scrabble on and off during the day, you have to build up your regular opponents but once you get into it, it’s good snd keeps the old brain cells active.

Grandmabatty Thu 07-Jan-21 11:21:34

I have lived alone for a number of years now. I read as it helps me to concentrate on the words and not what's in my head. I agree with the others who talk about painting and drawing as that can absorb me for a while. Gardening and planning for the seasons helps me too. I try to think of something positive every day. I also try to get out every day which isn't a problem for you as you have your lovely dog to walk!

Buffybee Thu 07-Jan-21 11:21:18

I live alone with my little dog as well and know exactly how you feel...
Feeling trapped in, not able to do any of our usual activities, dreary weather, miserable news etc.
All I can say is thank goodness for our dog companions but a couple of things which help me are music, books, nature programmes and comedy.
I have an Alexa and request cheerful and upbeat music, I especially like Van Morrison, watch nature programmes if I need to relax, I find getting into a good book better than miserable news and confrontational social media and if I really need cheering up and I know this is not for everyone I find shows by Peter Kay or Michael McIntyre or whoever and have a good giggle.
These things help me, not for everyone but I hope it helps you.

Riverwalk Thu 07-Jan-21 11:14:29

It's a bit of a cliche but whenever I feel a bit sorry for myself I think of those in a very much worse position, e.g. people overseas living in desperate poverty without food and shelter, or in a war-zone.

Much has been made of our mental health, particularly of children, during the past year - imagine the state of mind of say grandmothers in Syrian refugee camps. Many would be ordinary city people like us who've brought up families and lived comfortable /reasonable lives, now they're living hand to mouth in camps in Lebanon, Turkey, etc.

Luckily I don't have a history of mental ill health so think I'm capable of getting through this difficult time. I'm physically reasonably fit and able to get out and about - soon off for an hour's walk in the cold sunshine with my best friend.

Charleygirl5 Thu 07-Jan-21 10:59:31

I agree Maw I live in London and miss those activities also. I used to go to 3 coffee/lunch mornings a month with different people and it is hard living on my own.

Waitrose has returned to a queue going around the large car park at least once- sheer madness.

I wanted to study law online but the sheer cost put me off so I will stick with my mindless activities. I should really find out if my vacuum cleaner is still working.

MawBe Thu 07-Jan-21 10:56:16

No, Ellianne about 45 minutes by train plus time to get to the station - so about 1- 1 1/2 hours
On reflection I do enjoy Zoom activities - Art history and Film Studies classes and “virtual” contact with friends is better than none - so I shouldn’t really complain.
But I do wonder if living in our individual “bubbles” within these 4 walls is a foretaste of Old Age to come and if my get up and go will ever get up and come back!

eazybee Thu 07-Jan-21 10:49:23

Open University has been a godsend: Eng. Lit.
I am studying Byron at present, and he believed in 'stoic self-resilience' to help cope with life, particularly in his exile in Italy. Mind you , it was a pretty self-indulgent life that he led, and he was never short of company, male and female.

Callistemon Thu 07-Jan-21 10:41:27

I think you can lose yourself in painting. Although I was never very good, it was a lovely hobby. However, that was in a group setting but it is something you can enjoy at home too. There must be painting courses online.
I found water colours more soothing than acrylics.

Ellianne Thu 07-Jan-21 10:37:57

PS London was an example but I guess that could be the same for any cultural city.

Ellianne Thu 07-Jan-21 10:36:37

Are you in London MawBe? If so I can understand because everything in that area is centered around the activities you mention. When they are physically taken from you I guess the only way to cope is to re evaluate and discover a new way. Are you up for immersing yourself in films or documentaries? Some of the London galleries and opera houses have stuff online too.

Willow73 Thu 07-Jan-21 10:34:33

Art works for me. I have to concentrate so much on the details that time and everything around me just disappears. I used to do all the things you mentioned including John Lewis at Welwyn, Hertfordshire where they have a lovely coffee area!
I lost my dad just before Christmas and the news just makes me feel worse so I switch it all off.
Take care.

Nannylovesshopping Thu 07-Jan-21 10:27:58

I too miss all those things, but tbh after reading about other gransnetters anguish and heartache, I am so thankful to wake up each day and be breathing. I now have a list of mini projects, they was a beautiful loo on here recently with tropical wall paper, that’s my to do today, fortunately am fit enough to slap on some wallpaper paste and balance on the steps to get it up, shall also freshen up the paintwork. Just started a Spanish course, omg where are my brains? Guess it’s all about motivation, generally am quite lazy, but realise to do stuff is important for my mental health, I could so easily sink into the gin?

MawBe Thu 07-Jan-21 10:13:13

I debated about whether this should go under Coronavirus or News and Politics as after losing my husband, these are the two areas of maximum impact on my mood and my life.
(Perhaps I should be grateful there’s not worse preying on my mind. )
But everything around me is so depressing these days and my usual coping strategies - coffee with a friend, prowl round my “spiritual home” - John Lewis /Waitrose, the company of my children or grandchildren, a trip to a gallery in London, a matinee, are all off limits.
Yes I can go for walks - Hattie makes sure of that, but that “thinking time” is not always guaranteed to cheer me up! TV and the newspapers are pretty dire and chocolate or alcohol not advisable.

So suggestions for other coping strategies when the loneliness threatens to wash over me, please?
What works for you?