Can we talk about Stay at Home Mums

As well as Career Mums & Stay at home Mums , there were/are also the Mums & Dads who do ‘jobs’ to fit around caring for their children themselves.

The first few years of a child’s life are unique & stability is key to mental & emotional development . So providing there is balance, & children feel secure all should be well.
But if care involves being dropped off & picked up in a hurry either early morning & or late in the evening then the child/children may develop attachment issues at a later stage. One to one bonding with a care giver parent or suitable other is essential.

Iam64

We may as well surrender, we muns who worked. We left others to bring our children up.
Those adult daughters of mine who are bringing up happy, confident children must have picked up their parenting skills somewhere else

Good post.

leaving them in nursery during the day while you are at work means other people are bringing up your Children ??? By that token why leave them in school ?

We may as well surrender, we muns who worked. We left others to bring our children up.
Those adult daughters of mine who are bringing up happy, confident children must have picked up their parenting skills somewhere else

Apparently my mum didn't bring me up! I was in full time day nursery from the age of 3 (mum was ill and couldn't look after me), then school.When she recovered she worked for a relative part time until I was 7 then she got a full time job.
The day nursery was one established during WW2 to keep married women working. There was more nursery provision then than at any tiime since- and it was free!!!
I think I turned out OK.

I stayed at home until the youngest of our 3 went to Reception class and then worked part time as well as helping in their school. We were living abroad then. When we returned to UK I ended up working at the boys school having volunteered for a few years first.

I also had a part time job at a local jewellers which didn't last as one of the other staff clearly didn't like me and I didn't need the aggro!

I stayed at home in the 60s not much money but always there to do the school runs etc never regretted it for a moment.

Every couple is different, my youngest daughter does not have a separate job, she married a farmer, has 4 children and lives out in the sticks. The school run tales 90 mins twice a day because they are at 2 different schools, in addition after school clubs take up a lot of time.
Husband is a workaholic, but it’s a good relationship and there is money when she wants it, so I guess a lot of women would swap places.

Toadinthehole

* eazybea* I didn’t give a list of activities. That was Franbern. Yes, I appreciate it must be hard if you have to work....that makes me sad, but in my opinion.....and that’s all it is...my opinion, I don’t understand the working career ‘ mum’. Why have children just for someone else to bring up? It makes no sense to me...but I accept we all think differently.

It has already been said several times on the thread that working parents still bring up their children. You may not agree with this, but it would add more to the discussion if you took on board the previous replies and added something, rather than simply repeat a previous statement that has already been addressed.

What is it that you don't understand? I can think differently from someone but still understand their point of view, whether or not I agree with it.

What is your opinion on what I assume you would refer to as "working career 'dads' "?

Were your quotation marks insinuating that working mothers are not real mums, incidentally? If so, that can only be interpreted as deliberately offensive, and there is no need for that in a discussion amongst adults.

Oops, posted prematurely by accident. Was going to add that I loved having the time to volunteer in the classrooms and do Hospice volunteer work. It came crashing down when my ex left, though, and I had to work full-time, but I was lucky to find a teaching job at my sons' school and then as a credentialed supervisor for homeschooling families when my mom was dying and I needed the flexibility. I was able to do all of the paperwork and other support from home and still be there for my kids and mom and dad during those difficult years.

I worked in preschools, after school school care before becoming a classroom teacher and when I had my children I didn't want them to be in that situation which, to me, was not that positive. At the time I was married, so I was able to stay home with my two and three stepchildren. Loved it and never had a regret!

Thanks Biba but you were right it was an unnecessary comment and didn’t even make sense.

No worries LauraNorder- it's a discussion. No need to apologise (but thanks). I have said all along this discussion, we are all different, and no-one needs to justify their decision. And that those of us who had the choice- have been very lucky indeed.

I have asked GNHQ to remove my earlier comment and would like to apologise to Biba and Gagajo for any offence caused by my stupidity.

It was VERY hard being a Mum and working full time but I really appreciate my occupational pension now. The kids turned out OK too.

Awww, thank you gagajo, I just meant the thread....not the whole of gransnet?

Assuming that dads work full-time, are people saying that these dads aren't being parents to their children. Does anyone ask them 'What's the point of having children for someone else to bring them up?'
Must be honest and say I haven't heard that rubbish since the early 90s.

Don't go Toadinthehole! No one should leave just because we believe different things.

Looking at it from a different perspective...

My DGS is at home with his mum. She would have been back at work by now, but.. covid. He is a little ball of energy. He would much prefer to be in nursery every day. He knows I am a teacher and asks why Gaga is at school and he isn't (this breaks my heart! I am such an old softie for him.).

So I see it from a different perspective. If he was in nursery, there would be no reason DD couldn't work. Plus, children that are in childcare/nursery develop quicker than children that are at home (which is super sad for DGS).

DD/DGS situation won't change until covid dies down so no point moping. But it is sad.

I think they were talking to me disco. I’ve already been told off for writing a list I didn’t write! Maybe it’s time to leave the thread!

No gagajo, I understand, as I have said...people having to work. That is totally different from people choosing to go to work when it’s not financially necessary. It may be the woman’s choice, but would it be their child’s? Like I say...it is my opinion, you have the right to yours.

Chewbacca

*I don’t think anyone should be criticised for their choices in this either way, as long the* children are happy and well cared for.

This one post says it all for me. There are a million ways to live a life and we each choose one of them.

Exactly ??????

Do you remember the prevailing mantra in the 80’s ‘women can have it all’ ......what it really meant was that Mothers could work a 9 to 5 job and still get to do all the housework and childcare and shopping! Wonderful eh?

So are you saying, Toadinthehole, that ALL poor families who need the mum to work should just not have had children? Because our society would crumble without the working class. THEY provide the labour power that creates the profit in an economy. Without them, there would be no society.

Toadinthehole, are you saying that a woman should choose between having a career and having children, because in your opinion being a career woman somehow means you love them less than other mothers do, or that it makes you an inadequate mother because you don’t spend 100% of your time with your children? I can see from some of the other posts that there are other people who agree with that view.
I have no shame in wanting to use my education and skills to manage a career and enjoy work, and bring up my children well at the same time, what I don’t understand is why those who made different choices feel the need to be critical about it. I hope you all encourage your daughters to make the choices that are right for them, which in many cases will be different to yours.