Uncomfortable moments in other people's houses

A friend of mine was queuing in an upmarket butcher's shop. She released a rather fruity windypop and tried to cover up the source by scraping her rubber sole on the floor to simulate the sound. "Nice try, love" said the butcher "You don't fool me".

When my friend was house hunting she arrived at the property at the agreed time. The Man who answered the door kept disappearing up the stairs and coming back down again. When it was time to view the upstairs he ushered her into the main bedroom and their was his Wife sitting drinking a cup of tea and greeted her with a friendly hello. Was She ill I asked apparently not She just could not be bothered to get up!

When I was working I'd visited a farm miles from anywhere & desperately need the loo. I was directed upstairs - through the kitchen to a door where the stairs went up.
But there in my path was - laid out in a sheet of plastic was a dead pig!
Managed to step over it - twice - there & back.

On a bus in the 70’s a beautifully made up transsexual got on. My dd aged about 3 said in a very loud voice “Mummy why is that man dressed in ladies clothes” Everybody on the bus immediately became very busy with their own conversations.

Easyozi

My first child who was about three at the time was given her Childrens Vitamin C tablet to suck like a sweetie as she had a bad cold. Instead of sucking it she stuck it up her nostril and I could'nt get it out. In a panic I took her to the doctors surgery where we had to wait in the waiting room that was full of people. We had been there a few minutes when my daughter had the biggest sneeze and there, suspended in all the gunge hanging from her nose, was the vitamin pill. Never been so relieved in my life. The people in the waiting room had a good laugh and the doctor had one less patient that day!

That reminded me of when I had to take my youngest to the doctor with a tic tac sweet stuck up each nostril ?

My first child who was about three at the time was given her Childrens Vitamin C tablet to suck like a sweetie as she had a bad cold. Instead of sucking it she stuck it up her nostril and I could'nt get it out. In a panic I took her to the doctors surgery where we had to wait in the waiting room that was full of people. We had been there a few minutes when my daughter had the biggest sneeze and there, suspended in all the gunge hanging from her nose, was the vitamin pill. Never been so relieved in my life. The people in the waiting room had a good laugh and the doctor had one less patient that day!

lemongrove
He was a perfect Gentleman, just handed them back , and didn't seem in the slightest embarassed .....unlike me.

Oh Chewbacca that made me laugh.

LovelyLady

DH and I were invited to dinner at friends home. She and her husband were good friends but we’d never been invited to dinner before.
We were greeted at the door and she had uncooked potatoes and a pot in her hand. She asked if we wanted 1 or 2 potatoes. They were small potatoes and my husband could have eaten all the potatoes himself. I had 2 tiny potatoes, a tiny slice of salmon with a slice of lemon and 6 string beans. The starter was a thin slice of melon and pudding was the fruit bowl. After coffee she passed around a box of chocolates - one each of course. On our journey home we had fish and chips. Our friends always eat a decent amount at our home and still do. We haven’t returned to their home although we’ve been invited.

We have had the exact experience LovelyLady with exactly the same food on offer.?
We stopped at a motorway cafe afterwards on the long journey home, we were ravenous.

sevenkidsnotv

Many years ago I was an Avon lady, I was doing my round with my eldest daughter, then aged about 1 year old. I called in to a customer who asked to see the lipstick samples, My daughter was sat on a bean bag on the floor being entertained by the lady's husband while I went through the samples with his wife.
My Daughter was very well behaved and I could hear the husband saying 'Thank-you' 'Thank-you, as he played with my daughter.
When I got up to leave, the husband saw me to the door, watched me put daughter in her pram , then said ' I think these are yours, and gave me a handful of Lil-lets tampons. My daughter had taken the box out of my handbag while I was busy and handed them to him one at a time, hence all the thank-you's.
I took them and put them in my pocket, I think that my face was redder than the lipstick as I left.

That’s so funny?and just what a little one would do!
Wonder if he managed to keep a straight face?

WARNING: please do not read this whilst eating!!

One warm July day, two childless colleagues came home from work with me for a meal. My daughters were very young with DD2 still in nappies. She was enjoying the freedom of running around in the back garden without a nappy when she suddenly needed to empty her bowels! Coming to find me in the kitchen, she was caught short, which was embarrassing enough you would say. Before I could clear it up, our dog wandered in and devoured her offering.

My colleagues were speechless!!

Many years ago my uncle was visiting his in-laws in Germany for the first time. His German was very good and he was anxious to make a good impression.
One day his father-in-law asked him if he knew where another family member was. My uncle replied in German 'He's shooting in the woods.'
Unfortunately the German word for shooting is almost identical to the word for sh...... well ahem number 2s which is what my poor uncle had actually said.

I've just remembered my dad helping out a couple in their garden, and talking to the man, addressing him as "Walter".

He didn't realise the Walter was a nickname, because the man looked like Walter from 'Nearest and dearest'.

Have you been, Walter? Has he been?

I remember answering the door to a neighbour when I was young, who was well known for being nosy. I shouted to my mum when she asked who it was ‘it’s nose disease’. That’s what my dad had called her. I also remember in my teens befriending a girl whose family owned their own business and had a car, very posh. She invited me for tea after college and when we walked in the lounge, her mum was on her knees polishing the brass fender round the fire in full make up and jewellery. She suddenly let rip the loudest fart I’ve ever heard and without any embarrassment said ‘scuse I’ and carried on.

Friends made on a holiday in France more than 30 years ago invited us to stay in their very elegant house in an extremely affluent area of Glasgow. Just before we left I was unable to flush away some loo paper - the water in the bowl kept on rising. Panicking, I pointed out the problem to their housekeeper who said that it did occasionally block. Despite my reservations she flushed it again. Water cascaded all over the floor so we left hastily. We tried to explain to them but were blanked. Yes, Candy, if you’re reading this, she should have owned up!

French exchange visit when I was 14.
Their bathroom had no lock! (why isn’t this illegal??) so I was permanently terrified of anyone walking in on me, either when I was on the loo or trying to have a ‘proper’ wash. Their odd square bath was apparently permanently used for storage - they seemed surprised when I asked to have a bath but I think I did manage it once.
The dad did walk in on me once (wearing only his droopy Y fronts) but thankfully I was decent, and to be fair I’m sure it was accidental.

Thank you Gransnet you have made me laugh. Much needed MissA.

Best thread I have ever read on Gransnet, and haven’t stopped giggling all the way through. At times like this, we certainly need lots more laughter in our lives, so keep it up!

no name, no pack-drill

i think some of these are a bit of a wind-up...

My husband's brother lived in NZ and in the 70's he decided to take a world tour to visit friends. After staying in America then with us, his next-stop over was Norway.
He always dressed in smart casual clothes but told us that his Norwegian friends were dressed very elegantly when they visited him in NZ, so he had packed his best suit to wear in Norway. On his first evening they told him that they did not bother to dress for breakfast, so he thought he could leave the suit un-worn for a few more hours.
He had quite a shock when he went down for breakfast and found his hosts both stark naked!
He did complain to us about dragging his best suit all around the world.

Like a girls night out!
I had a meeting at my boss's house along with my male colleagues.
His beautiful caring wife also had to put up with the invasion of her home.

They were hosting another party at the weekend & she asked;

'Do you know how to make Garlic Gip? "

"Garlic Gip? Garlic Gip? No I've never heard of it" I repeated the words over aloud several times.

"Oh you must have had Garlic Gip"

It wasn't until I was driving home that I put 2 & 2 together - this lovely lady had a lisp that I'd completely forgotten.

Still mortified nearly 40 years on.

My DH ànd I met a couple on holidaý and she insisted we keep in touch. After a long plane journey home our phone was ringing as we walked through the dòor and it was the lady to say she had the day off work three days later and would come to see us. They arrived at ten thirty in the morning and left at nine oclock at night, I kept them fed and watered all day. When they eventually left she said you must come to visit us. That is the last we ever heard from or saw them.

My DH and I were invited to dinner at an aqutance house. We were given a sandwich with the thinnish piece of ham inside and a one inch size sausage roll. I was asked if I would like another sausauge roll and said "Yes please, she said "Oh no you cant have one because you wont èat any cake" , we were never offered any cake! Never saw them again!