Did your parents have a favourite child?

Definitely my brother!! No matter how well I did at school I was always told he had done better, while he was never expected to help out around the house it was my job on Saturday morning to black lead the grate (anyone else remember doing that) and to clean the kitchen after Sunday lunch.

He always got better Xmas gifts, one year he had a bike (his 3rd) and I received a home perm kit! It is a standing joke between us that I never got my bike! When he emigrated to Australia I would visit her 3 times a week, take her shopping and bring her home for Sunday lunch with us - with no thanks. He would telephone her every couple of months and I would be constantly told how wonderful he was to ring her! She eventually moved to Australia to live with him and his family

I was the elder sister and I don’t think our parents had a favourite but treated the girl - me - and my brother differently. Back in the 50’s boys and girls were given different expectations about their future lives and although I know my mum was proud of my achievements and career she still believed that it was the mans job to earn a living and look after his family. When she grew elderly and on her own she chose to live near my brother and sister in law and we supported her in different ways. I rang her daily and kept her in touch with life in general, while they sorted the practicalities of life for her. I know that I would have become a slave to her needs if she’d lived near me - I would have found it very hard to say no to her constant demands, but DB and wife were very kind and loving but firm about expectations.

yes, me but then again i was an only child! sadly my parents lost a baby, a boy, when i was 10, he only lived for an hour. my mum never really recovered from this loss.

Funny isn’t it, how fathers seem to love their children best if they’re academically inclined.
I think my dad and I were quite close till I failed my 11 + he really hadn’t considered it might happen, and my cousin, who he’d always considered a bit dim, passed.
I think he lost interest in me after that.

I've been mulling this over since I first read this.
Yes, my father definitely had a favourite.
It was probably me for my first two years until the drs realised their diagnosis was incorrect and I was in fact a 'normal ' child, not one who had lifelong disabilities.
Growing up it was glaringly obvious to the 3 of us my DS , middle child, was favoured.
Probably because she had potential academically.
My DB and I suffered at his hands terribly.
I resented DS for years growing up, golden child etc etc.
I so wanted him to like me too. So when my parents divorced I was the only one who kept in touch. Despite everything.
As an adult my relationship with my DS is mended. I can see how toxic he was, and how awful it was for her too, watching what he did to us and having to live up to his expectations. She suffered too, but in a different way.
He really was following in his own father's footsteps. He too had favoured the academic in his brood. It wasn't my father.....

I had an older brother (now deceased) who caused my lovely parents lots of worry as he served a jail sentence and was an addict. He was, despite this, is good brother and kind. My parents treated us both the same and never made less of him. I have 2 boys, adopted brothers, and do find I have less of a bond with my older boy (there is barely a year between them). The younger one has always been the affectionate one, more emotional but also more caring and supportive. I could talk to him about anything and he was a tower of strength when my husband died very unexpectedly at 54 and when my Dad passed last week. My other son (who had a difficult relationship with his Dad but a good one with his Grandpa) is emotionally very detached. I always treated them the same when they were children but do find my older boy more and more remote now (he is in his early twenties). He is remote in his other relationships too. I don't know if this is because of his chaotic early years or just how he is. I never set out to have a favourite but am struggling, to be honest.

Yes - and it wasn't me. I felt relieved, though, to be somewhat out of the spotlight, under the radar etc.

When the favourite got married, I soon left home, before attention was turned in my direction!

Still, it's always been hurtful that I just didn't get equal treatment, consideration, funding etc.

Yes my middle sister and she still is so is her child you would think she was the only grandchild even though I have 3 children but I just think got nothing to thank her for it used to upset me but you get used to it

My brother was definitely the favourite. We were brought up in Africa and when I was 9 I was sent back to the UK to boarding school. My brother went to boarding school locally. I only saw my parents a couple of times in 4 years. I was so excited when I flew out for the summer holidays but could tell within an hour or so that she was irritated by me.
Later when we were adults and I was a stay at home mum with young children she introduced us to someone by saying 'This is my son, he's a barrister and this is my daughter, she is just a housewife'.
I was always aware that she didn't really like me but I do think she loved me.
There was only 14 months between my brother and me but for my 2lst I was given a watch and £21. He got a brand new car.
He was always the golden child but as an adult he took no interest in them and it was left to me to keep in touch and provide care.
She was the same with my two girls. One was shown obvious favouritism.

Yes and it was not me. Being the third daughter in quick succession, I was not planned and certainly one too many. DM had a “nervous breakdown” with all the stress. Sisters resented having me tag along and cramp their style and having to help look after me while Mum was too ill. 12 years later my brother arrived. He was like a living doll for me while the elder two were too busy excelling at school or getting into trouble with boys. Brother and I have remained close despite the age gap and the fact that as the man, he inherited everything while us girls had husbands.

Well, mine is quite understandable but still sad. My older brother and I were both adopted (from different families) as my Mum and Dad couldn't conceive. Fast forward several years and my parents split up. Mum went on to marry again and conceived for the first time. This child (twelve years younger than me) became The Golden Child. He was given privileges that we didn't have (expensive school trips, big parties, holidays abroad). I went on to a successful career and met a wonderful man - together we have 4 children and 5 beautiful grandchildren, lovely home, etc. My older brother (he who was similarly adopted) has had comparable success, with children, grandchildren and happiness in all he has achieved.
The Golden Child, now in his late 40s, is alone, dependent on drugs and alcohol, has never had a 'proper' job. He lives in a seaside town which is desolate in the winter and, although he can pick up some work in the summer, he mostly lives off our now elderly mother, who still indulges him wholeheartedly. Am I bitter? No, I love both my brothers but I do wonder if the youngest would have made more of himself with less mollycoddling. What do any of my fellow GN peers think?

An interesting thread.
My sister was 14 months younger than I, and was the favourite child. My parents were 16 and 18 when they married, presumably because of me.
My mother had me at 17 and my sister at 18 - to this day I think she was pretty stupid.
However, I was the lucky one, I went to live with my grandparents, and young aunt and uncle.
I had, to all intents and purposes, an older brother and sister who spoiled me and spent hours entertaining me with trips out, reading etc etc , as result I did well at school and so on.
Sadly they are now all gone, as are my parents, as for my sister we keep in touch but that is about all.

i was the eldest of 4, my youngest sister 10 years between us was the favourite, i was treated differently by my "dad", they would get sweets and crisps when he came home drunk, i was taken aside and given some money....because i was the eldest, never knew he was not my dad till i was 11, he started saying things and tried to do something...won't go into details, i was sent to stay with my gran and she stayed with him, since then i have had no love for her...she let me down, i never went to her when i had a problem or needed help, i never wanted children but had 1 son, she has never really bothered about him and said i only got pregnant because my 2nd sis had a baby, things changed last year when i had cancer, i think it frightened her and now every call ends with ...love you...i feel i have to say it bit i don't mean it, i think every mum has a favourite even when they say they don't.

My parents were so determined to show that they did not have a favourite out of their 3 children while growing up, almost to the point of of making us all feel like the least favourite!

Well I was the youngest and my sister was my stepsister so it was her. I lost my mum when I was 3 and dad remarried and my step mum showed me little affection but I did keep trying. Even when she was dying she referred to me as ‘ the other one’
Love m sister though she’s great and we get on really well.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

After a conversation with friends at a coffee morning, each of my three daughters came to me separately and whispered confidently, 'I'm your favourite aren't I Mummy?' Of course I said yes to each of them. And they still are!

My parents had a child before me, who died after only a few weeks. We went to live abroad and I was sent to boarding school aged six, which I hated.

They tried for another baby, but my mother found it hard to conceive and suffer several miscarriages, then when she was pregnant with my sister, she and I came back to England. I was sent to live with my maternal grandmother (who I didn't really know), my father was still abroad and I didn't see either parent for about six months. My sister was premature and quite a sickly baby, so she had most of my mother's time and attention. I spent a lot of time with my father - she said I was becoming a Daddy's girl and told him off for spoiling me.

Because of the gap in age my sister regarded me as an aunt - I left home to go to University when she was eight. My sister has since told me that my mother was always comparing her to me and she always felt she came up short!

We were both told separately by our mother that she was disappointed that we were both girls, because my father wanted a boy. He never said this to either of us and we both felt loved by him. He was the one who cuddled and played with us when we were little. He always told us how proud he was of us when we were growing up. She always seemed full of anger found it difficult to show any affection to either of us.

Now my sister lives in Australia and we keep in touch by letter, phone calls and Skype. My father died seven years ago and my mother is in her nineties. My husband and I do all her shopping, take her to appointments and for occasional days out. I phone her every day and, before this pandemic, took her out for lunch and to church every week. Yet she has said unkind things about my husband and two daughters and tells me she wishes I was in Australia and my sister was here. Sometimes she puts me down with cruel remarks and finds fault with everything I say or do - at which point I bring the conversation to a close and put down the phone or come away.

I'm sure a therapist would have a field day!

I was the favourite child. I had an elder brother who resented me appearing when he was 5 years old. He was sullen and sulky or over excited and silly, constantly infuriating our parents with his behaviour. I think our father didnt bond with him and our mother tried to redress the balance by mollycoddling him, only to be disappointed when he rebuffed her. So finally they invested all their affection in me. Of course I revelled in this in a selfishly childish way. I adored my brother but he treated me badly, one time hurling stones at my feet in order to 'entertain' his friends.
I would have loved him to return my affection. In adulthood he was very kind and generous to our parents but somehow they had hardened their hearts against him and kept him at arms length. He took his own life at the age of 48 and it turned out that he had been diagnosed as bi-polar. Only his wife knew of the diagnosis and she revealed that he had stubbornly refused to accept it or take the medicine he needed to alleviate the symptoms.
So in my family's case, I was the favourite because I was easier to love.

No, we were always treated exactly the same. However, in later years it was always me they turned to so maybe that says something. At least they knew they could rely on me.

What a shame this bothers you. My mother’s favourite was my sister. I don’t think dad had a favourite but he told me once I was an adult that he always knew my sister was favourite. That was ok. I think it was because I always questioned what mum did and my sister didn’t so I became the awkward one! I determined from a very young age never to be like my mother and hopefully I’m not! Even when mum was dying and I visited her she’d say ‘ I only want Jill’. It made no difference to the relationship with my sister. We love each other very much and though mum left her jewellery to Jill she shared it with me. Mum missed a lot and I find that sad

So very sorry to read of the loss of your daughters Downtoearth makes other issues seem very unimportant!

I was my Dads Favourite and my brother was my Mums favourite, so it seemed very equal in our home.

I really enjoyed this episode on The Crown!

With my mum the middle child second son is her favourite My eldest brother and i started calling him Goldenballs as adults.
I spent 40 years of my life trying to get DM's approval or to feel liked by her but it never happened.
I was the result of her affair with the local butcher's delivery man. Eventually she came clean to my brother's dad that i wasn't his - they had already split up. My brothers were horrible to me and she never stopped it. I always felt like a cuckoo.
I think she resented me for being born. Anyway i don't waste my energy on her now i have my own family.
Accepting that neither of your parents really liked you and putting that aside and getting on with your life is something that needs to be done at as young an age as possible.
My Grandad was like a father to me but i can't say i was his favourite grandchild. He was fair with us all and i spent most of my childhood at my grandparents.
I really don't think i have a favourite child myself; they all have qualities which i can either like or be irked by but i love them all equally and try my hardest to give all three as much of my time as i can.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.