I am interested in knowing if any of the people on this forum had parents who had a favourite child, and it if affected their life. Were you the favourite child? Were you the unfavourite child?
I come from a family of 3 daughters and the middle daughter was definitely my mum's favourite. In fact my mother told me that after her birth which happened when I was 2 years of age I became a "jealous little bitch". She said that I spoiled everyone's childhood, but I feel that she made a real favourite out of my sister right from the start. My dad actually told her off about it because when my sister was a baby she would put her to bed and nobody was to disturb her while she bonded with her daughter. He said I did not get a look in at all. She was resentful of my youngest sister who was an accident, and always favoured my middle sister who could do no wrong in her eyes. When my sister bought her first home my mother's housewarming present was a vanity unit, a fitted wardrobe, and a dressing table. My housewarming present was a set of cat ornaments from a charity shop which I got rid of after her death. After she had been married 3 years my dad bought her some new rings:- a new eternity ring, wedding ring, and engagement ring. You would think she would divide the 3 old rings between the 3 of us. No! She gave my middle sister her ALL 3 of her old rings. I know I am not the only unfavourite child. A friend and work colleague of mine deliberately only had one child because of all the favouritism her mother bestowed on her sister. My other friend was also the unfavourite child who decided to have no children after having a miserable childhood where she felt second best. I would love to hear of other gransnet readers eperience of this, and if any of them as parents actually have a favourite child themselves?
It makes me so sad to read these. I was the youngest of 3 daughters, and maybe because there was a big age gap between us, we were all treated the same by our parents.
I had a friend whose sister was very much her mother’s favourite - it turned out that she was the result of an affair her mother had!
Although my mum always said she didn’t have a favourite, it was always quite obvious to me she favoured my younger sister, being 10 years between us, it kinda made sense.
I always knew the pecking order and I definitely was 3rd out of 4. This has just reared it’s ugly head with my mothers recent death and her will. 2 sisters got more than me, a cousin of mine got some and I got some, my older sister got nothing. How cruel is that. When my dad was alive it was always to be split between us 4 daughters equally, and I really think it should have been left like that. All this Will has done has proved everything I always said about pecking order and mum, and spoilt my memories of her.
I have 2 grown up children and would never favour one more than the other, as I know what it feels like.
It’s all rather sad I feel.
My brother was always the favourite still is mum is 84 I live 1ans a half h I urs away visit regularly sort house garden etc make docs appointments as she's deaf etc .Brother visits once a year and he's the best thing ever .His wife doesn't bother to come as she says no point Mum doesn't even know she's there lol .I am used to it but my hubby gets annoyed as nothing I do is ever quite good enough
So sad to read all these stories. I am one of 4 and my parents never ever showed they had a favourite and I certainly never felt anything but deep love and joy from them for all of us equally and fairly. Not one jot of jealousy or dislike ever and my siblings are still my closest friends and confidants.
I hope we have given, and are giving, the same unbiased love to our sons and now our granddaughters.
My parents had what I called two families. Sister 15 years older than me and a brother 13 years. Gap of 10 years then my brother and then me 3 years later. The first two siblings had the best of attention, especially the brother who turned out to be a professional footballer. My childhood revolved around football, accommodation to house equipment for training, travelling to matches or no contact with father at weekends as he was off to the football, even our diets were all geared to football. My sister also had a back seat. My nearest brother was also given all the possible sport opportunities possible but he was more academic and didn't succumb to the pressure. By the time I was a teenager I feel my parents basically had no interest left in what their children did and I was left to make my own way. I was never even given a bike; had to borrow my brothers.
As an only child I was definitely the favourite!
However I have three sons and I would like to think that I have loved them all, and treated them all equally and still do. My mother on the other hand had a favourite grandson, the eldest. She would buy him presents, but nothing for the others. Also give only him money which he always shared with his brothers of his own accord.
I never understood how she could treat one grandchild so much better than the others.
My mother’s favourite was always the latest one. As the eldest, I had my time in the sun for eighteen months until my brother was born and so it went on through eight children until my youngest brother was born. He remained her baby until she died, which just made him a pretty useless person. Like others have mentioned here, my mother always favoured the boys anyway and we girls were expected to wait on them hand and foot while they sat around doing nothing!
I’ve never had a favourite, I love my two girls to bits and also my son who came along twenty five years later (second marriage) but they always joke amongst themselves about who is the “fave” I even get birthday cards from “your favourite eldest/youngest/boy/girl”
I just let them get on with it ?
Blossoming
Yes, I’m the youngest of a big family and was everybody’s favourite child. It does get a bit irksome being referred to as “our baby” in your 20s though
my Mum is in her 60s and is still referred to as the baby by her brothers and sisters and older cousins 
Well my mother certainly didn't - and I was an only child!
My brother (the only boy) was definitely my mum's favourite and could do no wrong. I was my fathers favourite as I was the baby of the family so this left my sister who was not the favourite of either of them. I think this did lead to tension between her and my parents. I used to feel guilty that my Dad favoured me and I tried not to get his attention so that I didn't anger my siblings. I went on to have only one child but when my 3 grandsons came along I worried I would favour one more than the other. However I didn't, I love them all and they are all different to each other but I definitely don't have a favourite.
What a lot of three daughter families there are on here! I am the youngest of one and have three daughters myself. My older sister (the oldest died at 19) would have said I was the favourite, especially with our father. My mother was a bit jealous. My older daughters would say the youngest was my favourite but I honestly don't believe that. She was the "easiest" as a baby and small child but not any more!
Yes my mother definitely favoured older sister over me, my sister always said I shouldn't have been born, and hated me up until she died. and my mother never disputed this when questioned. it has affected me my whole life.
I was an only child so therefore the favourite. My parents were kind ,gentle people who spent their lives helping out other people and they did not speak badly of anyone. My grandmother came to live with us when I was about 9 years old. A complete shock to the system. In hindsight she was a caring, kind and loving person who wanted the best for the family but her strict Victorian attitude of criticism rather than praise, bossiness etc. was difficult to live with. I think I was probably too much like her and we frequently clashed. My mother had taken a job and Grandma took over the housekeeping. When alone with my father , I used to beg him to send Grandma away. It was the last thing in the world he would have done, but you don't see that when you are 10. Sadly both my parents died suddenly within a year of each other in their mid-fifties. I was 27. Granny was 79. I inherited Granny and she lived with my husband, myself and our children for 12 years. I ended up having a mini-breakdown. Nothing to do with Granny but I was involved in three businesses, had two teenagers plus an extra one who never seemed to want to go home, Granny to cope with, a home to run and a marriage to keep on track. Granny went to live with her daughter and lived to be a hundred and three quarters. What did I learn from this this? That I come from a line of very strong women and that is something I have passed onto my daughter and grand-daughters.
Yep, that was me! I also agree with songstress60 when she says that her mother called her 'jealous' when her brother was born. I am sure as a first child we came as a shock to our mothers, not quite the angelic little dolly she was hoping for. Babies aren't always a delight! My brother however was a little angel, blond curly har, chubby cheeks and a boy, who could do no wrong. A therapist (yes I went to a therapist for an entirely different reason!) asked me if my parents loved me, I answered "I don't think they even liked me" which came as a revelation but it was true. By the time I was a teenager I became difficult, rebellious, snappy, depressed etc. etc. Very hard to love or like. I'm over it now. I do feel for anyone who has been truly hurt by their parents' words and behaviour, it is hard to shake off. Knowing a bit about child development and personality growth has helped and understanding how disappointed my mother must have been when she couldn't cope with a child who had a mind of her own! A bit like plants in the garden, we don't reach our best till we blossom!
I was one of three girls with two younger brothers. My mother definitely preferred her sons. Luckily I felt more love from my father.
My sister was the favoured one. As I grew older I realised this was probably because she spent the war years protecting me - we were bombed out 3 times - and Dad was fighting in the Army. When my sister arrived after the war Mum had time and support to enjoy her baby. There were times when I felt the difference but, on the other hand, I was Daddy's girl as he had missed so much of my early years.
Yes there was (and is) definite favourites in the family. My mother favoured the youngest sister out the four of us. The favoured child chose to emigrate 20 years ago limiting contact with all siblings. So, in the end it was the favoured offspring who was estranged. Rarely are there any winners in this toxic situation even for the favourite
My parents had two children, myself (the eldest) and my sister. I was the apple of my Dad’s eye until my sister was born 3.5years later. In his eyes she could do no wrong and everything I did was wrong. He had ambitions for her to become a Doctor (she didn’t) and, when we moved house because of his continuous promotions, it always coincided with good times for her to move school not me. I must admit I rebelled against him for years and never felt close to him. Mum always tried to make up for his lack of interest in me. Thankfully, my sister and I generally get on.
My mother had favourite granchildren, the two eldest from my sister's family and my own. My sister has three children and favours the youngest.
It's all pretty toxic. Nice enough if you are the golden child but horrible if you feel second best.
I always said to my two when they asked, 'Whom do you love best?' that I was lucky to have a pigeon pair, the best boy in the world and the best girl.
Yes and it wasn't me! Ever!
I’m astounded at the things my mother said to me when I was a child. Absolutely clueless as to what damage she was doing to me.
It was me as I was an only child although I often felt excluded from my Mum and Dad's love affair!!
I have two children and do not have a favourite although my DD may disagree!
I had 4 siblings and the only one my mum showed any affection to was my middle brother as he had severe asthma problems and the darling boy died at aged 17. Mum is 90 now and still hyper critical of anyone who does not agree with her opinions. I recall asking my Dad once why Mum does not stop picking on me and criticising absolutely everything I do. He actually said “ you mother is jealous of anyone who has anything she perceives as being better than what she has”. I lost another brother aged 47, so there’s just 3 of us left. My sister has a house abroad so spends half the year out of the country, and my other brother sadly lost a leg and has a tracheotomy .... so I am the only one Mum has that can consistently visit ?. She still attempts to criticise but I’ve learned to be very assertive with her over the years and I shut her down the minute she starts. My sister and brother still can’t do any wrong, however, there was a period not long ago when my brother did not speak to her for 5 years because of her attempts at controlling and constant nagging. It’s sad but Mum has never learned ....
After my mother dies and my father remarried both my brother and I felt that the other was the favourite. I felt all the available money was being spent on him, sending him off on nice holidays, and allowing him to go and stay in the country with cousins. He felt excluded from the tight little family where we were all having a cosy happy time. He was wrong, it was cold and I certainly was surplus to requirements. I hardly met him during my teens, he was almost a stranger.
As adults we finally started communicating again and we're on fairly close terms now.
Not just 'not the favourite' of the four but the one most actively disliked but the feeling was mutual so I'm over it now (not).
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