Did your parents have a favourite child?

Hi
Yes my Mother was definitely not maternal, it still effects me it had a knock on effect on the rest of my life and the decisions I made. But she had a soft spot for my brother.

I was the only daughter, with two brothers. My mother told me the first one is special. I was number 2. She had a picture of my eldest brother as a baby on display. I was never the daughter she had anticipated having. Fortunately for me I was the apple of my dads eye, we had a great relationship. Years later I have realised she was probably on the Autistic spectrum, many traits she had are all indicative of this. I try and not mind all the hurtful things she said and did. I also decided from a young age that I would try and make sure I learnt from it. She was very jealous of the relationship I have with my daughter. I love both my children equally.

Most definitely. It was my younger sister. Still is. My dad (when he was alive) even admitted as much to my husband, who promptly told him to shut up and that it was "my wife you're talking down there". It has always been my sister. However, I have to say that I was very lucky. I lived with my nana until she died when I was 6. I also lived with my mum and her two sisters (my dad worked away at sea). I was loved so much by my nana and one of my mum's sisters in particular that I never felt "left out" at all. I was also loved and adored by my grandad (my dad's dad) and so although I have never had a good relationship with my mum and dad, I never felt unloved. I have unfortunately lost my nana and grandad (both at a very early age) but I still have my my mum's sister who I am very close with and who I refer to as my "real mum :-)". There is a lot of jealousy between me and my sister, and yet funnily enough, it is her who is extremely jealous of me and not the other way round. How funny life can be eh!!!

We have a family saying, I was an only child and still not the favourite!

There was no excuses, children shouldn't be born if they are not wanted.

A sad situation but one I learnt to live with, my AC can see now what I mean as it is still true to this day sadly.

My Mum asked me about a year ago - did I notice my middle brother was her favourite child when we were children?! I said no as I genuinely hadn't noticed. She said he was the best behaved!

songstress60

I am interested in knowing if any of the people on this forum had parents who had a favourite child, and it if affected their life. Were you the favourite child? Were you the unfavourite child?

I come from a family of 3 daughters and the middle daughter was definitely my mum's favourite. In fact my mother told me that after her birth which happened when I was 2 years of age I became a "jealous little bitch". She said that I spoiled everyone's childhood, but I feel that she made a real favourite out of my sister right from the start. My dad actually told her off about it because when my sister was a baby she would put her to bed and nobody was to disturb her while she bonded with her daughter. He said I did not get a look in at all. She was resentful of my youngest sister who was an accident, and always favoured my middle sister who could do no wrong in her eyes. When my sister bought her first home my mother's housewarming present was a vanity unit, a fitted wardrobe, and a dressing table. My housewarming present was a set of cat ornaments from a charity shop which I got rid of after her death. After she had been married 3 years my dad bought her some new rings:- a new eternity ring, wedding ring, and engagement ring. You would think she would divide the 3 old rings between the 3 of us. No! She gave my middle sister her ALL 3 of her old rings. I know I am not the only unfavourite child. A friend and work colleague of mine deliberately only had one child because of all the favouritism her mother bestowed on her sister. My other friend was also the unfavourite child who decided to have no children after having a miserable childhood where she felt second best. I would love to hear of other gransnet readers eperience of this, and if any of them as parents actually have a favourite child themselves?

I have four children and five grandchildren. I love them all equally but differently cos they're all individuals.

I couldn't favour one over another.

Most definitely, there are 4 of us and it was the 2nd oldest, my brother that was my mum’s favourite, I am the oldest.
I didn’t get on with my Mum until I left home and she never once told me she loved me although , oddly, she told my husband she did. She died aged 64 in a needless, could have been avoided always ( whole other story) but I still have unresolved issues as I never felt good enough no matter what I achieved

My parents (or my mother to be precise) had a favourite.. my brother who is four years younger than me. They had four girls until they got him. I was the favourite until he came along - nooo im not bitter ;-) but there is a photo of me when i was 5 and he was 1 - we had a photgrapher come to the house - and he asked me to move in closer and put my arm around my brother. I am smiling sweetly into the camera whilst he is screaming blue murder. I am or may not have been pinching him :-)

i always thought i was the black sheep when i was younger being older i know realise i wasnt, my eldest thinks shes the black sheep she isnt at all i love them all the same i just get in better with my middle daughter , my eldest and i are so alike we clash terrible but i certainly dont love her any less

My mother was a “narc” I was the scapegoat and my brother the golden child.
It was a grim childhood.
My mother died last year, the relief was enormous.

My mother once told me that it was natural for a mother to feel differently about a son. I was still very young at the time.

I only had dds (and never once wished that either had been a boy) so no personal opportunity to test her theory, but in much later life I wondered (and worried about) whether I’d feel differently about Gdc2 (a boy) and love him more than Gdc1 (a girl). (Even if I did my damnedest not to show it.)

Very happy to say that I’ve experienced absolutely nothing of the sort.

It’s probably relevant that my mother didn’t really like women in general, or at least she only felt comfortable with them if they were older, less educated, less attractive, etc.
We deduced that she felt somehow threatened by any woman outside those criteria. She’d never been a very confident type, though.

I never had any favourites out of my 4 though I used to get more annoyed with certain ones who would never do what they were told! I was definitely my parent’s favourite - I was the one and only but I had a hard childhood with both parents quite badly damaged by wartime experiences. Guess that went for a lot of us postwar babies.

jaxjacky Ditto, the longed for son after 2 girls. Quote from mother when we were in our twenties "I love my girls but my boy is special" Had a good bond with dad but always fraught with mother. Have an idea that my sister felt the same.

My two brothers have always maintained that my sister and I were the favourites. I say my sister was. But she came along when I was thirteen, so I doted on her, the same as the rest of us. She was a darling and still is.

I don’t think my mother ever really loved me, but I know my dad did, and when I was little, that was good enough, he was a good dad.

It was complicated for me, eldest of four daughters, I had a very close bond with my fathers sister , we moved when I was
11 and I played hell, wanted to stay where I was born in a mining village in my Aunt’s house. I hated the country village my parents moved to, my sisters loved it, it was agreed I went back home every weekend and school holidays , I didn’t know I was hurting my Mother, i even named my firstborn after my Aunt. I wish I could say I am sorry but I would do the same again,I know my Mum loved me .

I have a sister. I don’t think our parents displayed any tendency to favouritism. Lucky us. We were just a small, happy unit. No living grandparents growing up. Mum had suffered herself in childhood - her own mother dying when mum was only 9y. Her dad remarried and worked abroad a lot and sadly she had the stepmother from hell. Truly awful tales that we got told once we were young adults.

She said it made her absolutely determined that her own children would have the best, most loving and supportive childhoods she could provide.

? for those who had a tough time.
There are some very sad stories on here. x

There was skinny, plain me and my cute little brother. My parents used to say of me, “Never known a child like it,” and not in a good way!

My brother too nearly died a week after birth, and I think that made him all the more precious to DM.

I am sure my brother was the favourite, the only boy who came after three girls, (there was another girl after him!) I was the eldest and everything was always my fault.

I think individual children can require more time and attention for different reasons and at different times, so parents may well be focussed on one child for a period, but this doesn't mean that there is any favouritism.

I'm not sure that either of my parents had a favourite out of my younger brother and I.

That said, my mum was a physical disciplinarian and she was forever lashing out at me, and never at my brother - very probably because I was very precocious, and mum worked very long hours with no help from Dad at home, and no supportive family on hand either.

My DH was never physically disciplined by either of his parents and he finds my history with this somewhat horrifying, though in all honesty I can't say that its had a long term effect on me.

Fast forward many years and in his advanced years my late father used to confide things in me that I know he did not with my brother. I think this was to do with Dad being wary of my SiL than any feelings of favourtitism though.

I am the eldest of three sisters. Definitely not the favourite, that was my middle sister. She had beautiful dark red hair and deep brown eyes, and passed the 11plus, whereas my youngest sister and I had mousey brown hair and green eyes, and went to the sec. mod.
I always felt that my mother favoured her, but never felt that way about my Dad.

My parents had two favourite children, me and my brother. I must have got that gene because I favoured my children in exactly the same way.

Emphatically - their baby. I’m the middle of three daughters and I was “another girl” from birth. By the time they died, I was almost non existent to them and the sisters... Not seen or spoken to sisters for over 20 years, not a bundle of fun. It would be nice to share some of our childhood and adolescence.