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dil wants to move away

(17 Posts)
netty54 Thu 21-Jan-21 16:48:41

my son,dil,and grandson live with me since before baby was born,his now 2.i knew they would want their own place as soon as they could afford she wants to move to her dads who said they do not have to help with bills,my son has said he will be made redundent at end of june,has applied for another job but she has told him he does not need to,as they can move to her dads miles away. this lockdown i have been on furlough since march,i have helped all i can,now she wont even let me look after him.

grannyactivist Thu 21-Jan-21 16:58:30

Oh dear. I understand that you are in the first flush of disappointment, but I suspect that how you handle this now will impact on your relationship with your son and daughter-in-law in the future.

It really is not a matter of them not letting you look after your grandson, but more to do with this little family securing their own long-term future. If they can be financially better off by living with another relative then that seems to me to be a good outcome.

Do you think that your daughter-in-law's dad has been saying how unfair it is that his grandson has been living with you for two years and complaining that they haven't let him look after him? I don't think that's very likely.

By all means tell them you'll miss them, but please try to be positive about the prospect of their move so that you maintain good relationships in the future.

TrendyNannie6 Thu 21-Jan-21 17:02:05

You have been a good help to your son and his family Netty54 and I’m sure you will miss them very much, it’s strange that your Dil is saying that your son doesn’t have to apply for another job, presumably she means he can look after their child(is that why) very lucky if not helping with the bills, not a lot you can do really is there if they have made their minds up, hopefully the living arrangements will work out. I do feel for you though

crazyH Thu 21-Jan-21 17:16:20

Why would your son not to have work if they move in with her father? Is he a millionaire ? And even if he is, a young man should have worth ethics and be taught not to live on handouts. Regardless, I do feel sorry for you......btw does her father-in-law live very far away.
Be positive and hope it’s all going to work out for all of you. We moved thousands of miles away from home poor mother, how her heart must have ached 💔

3dognight Thu 21-Jan-21 17:18:58

You will miss them and your baby grandson, and no doubt he will miss his granny.
You will have to keep quiet and put on a brave face, after all they may be able to save for their own place while lodging her dads house. They will then have their own place and that's got to be a positive outcome!
If you can, look on the positive side, you will have your own house back. You may not see your grandson everyday, but the times you do see him will be so looked forward to and rewarding for you both.

Redhead56 Thu 21-Jan-21 18:27:11

My daughter left to go to uni away from home I was so stressed with empty nest syndrome. She stayed where she moved because of work then married and now has a baby.
It breaks my heart because we can not see her with Covid restrictions. I have to put a brave face on when we talk on WhatsApp.
Enjoy your family while they are still there and reassure them you are always there for them. They will appreciate that I am sure you are a very supportive mum take care.

Hithere Thu 21-Jan-21 20:14:22

All you can say is " it was a pleasure living with you for 2 years and good luck"

AmberSpyglass Thu 21-Jan-21 21:22:09

If they move in with her dad they can clearly save money, and the inevitable gap between your son losing one job and finding another won’t hit them as hard. And is her father really less worthy of seeing the child than you?

GrannyRose15 Thu 21-Jan-21 21:39:32

I really do feel for you, netty54. Unfortunately all good things come to an end. Treasure your memories and look forward to building a different relationship with this little family. You don't say how far away they are going and if it is a long way I can understand how devastating it feels just at the moment. But your DS and DIL do have to make their own decisions. I'm sure it won't turn out to be quite as bad as it seems at the moment. Try to keep cheerful.

smoothie Thu 21-Jan-21 23:13:25

I assume it’s to do with location. That the son shouldn’t try for a job now because it would make more sense to find one in the new area where the dad lives. As in the current application was made because it’s a decent commute from the original posters place, not much so from the dads. At least that what I hope it means!

blue25 Thu 21-Jan-21 23:46:34

Sounds fair enough really. Grandad’s turn to live with and see his family daily.

BlueBelle Fri 22-Jan-21 04:36:17

Maybe this has come as a shock to you but it was inevitable wasn’t it that they move to their own place so this is just a step towards this They aren’t possession it’s their choice, you ve given them a good helpful start, nows the time to wish them well and waved them on their way
I too don’t understand about the job situation perhaps she means he can stop looking around your area perhaps grandads area is better for jobs

What a lucky lady to have had such close contact for the last two years

Daisymae Fri 22-Jan-21 07:57:05

You have done well to maintain good relationships after living with each other for 2 years. The idea of living without paying the bills must be attractive and I will guess that they want a break anyway. You will miss them but make sure you keep a good relationship going as they prepare to leave. It's the only way you will maintain strong links going forward.

Juliet27 Fri 22-Jan-21 08:08:19

And even if he is, a young man should have worth ethics and be taught not to live on handouts
I thought that too Crazy

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welbeck Tue 13-Apr-21 19:13:58

what do you mean Op, that she won't let you look after the child ?
if she is there, it's natural that she wants to look after him.
he is her child.
i'm sure she appreciates the child-care you gave when she was working, but that does not establish squatters rights to go on doing it.
you need to find more interests in your life.
they were there temporarily, for financial, practical reasons.
they were always going to move on asap.
for you it sounds more emotionally invested.
but they do not have to arrange their life around your emotional expectations or needs. i am being blunt.
these issues often pan out like this.
i wish you all the best.