Jealousy over daughter's financial situation

I wonder if your daughter thinks you might be pleased for her? Glad that she isn't struggling?
Probably you are, but sometimes can't see it.
I also wonder if she is talking more about spending money at the moment as there aren't very many other things to talk of!
I think you are wise to come on here to vent, rather than let her know your feelings. Many on these forums are aware of how we are so much more sensitive in these times.

You didn't ask this, so I am hesitant to add it, and please ignore if it really doesn't suit. You don't say how old or how fit you are. Because nursing is such good experience, and ex-nurses usually reliable; a lot of my retired nurse colleagues find that in normal times, they can supplement their income in all sorts of ways: I know film extras, market researchers, camp site helpers, and lots who sign on with agencies for all kinds of odd work. Irrelevant now (unless there's some that can be done by phone / on-line) but 'when this is over' I think there will be a demand.

I used to feel sorry for my MIL, she was so downtrodden and had to ask for every penny from FIL. If she needed a new coat, as he was paying for it he demanded to choose it! She never had anything to spend on herself, their furniture was sparse and nice holidays were only a dream. I was determined not to be the same......but like father, like son! Walking away with nothing I had to work hard to survive but I would never resent my AC for what they have! It can all come crashing down in the blink of an eye! And we none of us know just what goes on behind closed doors do we???? Not everything in the garden is rosie!

It does make sense....you’re pleased because you brought her up to be in this position, but at the same time, you see she’ll possibly, ( because nothing is necessarily forever )never have to struggle, as you did. Just see it as...she has gained from what you see as your losses. She’s watched her mum work hard, and has fallen into her life because of it perhaps. That’s a good thing isn’t it? What you would have wanted for her when you first held her in your arms. Sounds like you all have a great relationship. I would embrace that, and see that, because of what you did, she’s got a better life?

Back in the 1980'a we were really struggling financially. Hubbie MS got worse, no disability employment act, and he lost his job and was unable to get another due MS. We really had problems trying to cope with six small children on the benefits system then, I could not get a job as hubbie was not really capable of dealing with the younger children.

One wedding anniversary, his younger brother, who was doing extremely well - living in large house with swimming pool, three or four exotic holidays each year, took the four of us out for a special meal. Their anniversary was just the day after ours. Restaurant in central London, he spent more on that meal for the four of us than I had to cover two weeks supermarket shop. I could nót enjoy a single mouthful - just felt so resentful and jealous, Think his wife, my SiL had some understanding and they never did it again and every christmas we would receive a large food hamper plus a good size cheque from them.

What goes round...though. I am living a very happy life in a flat I love, my five adult children all doing fine and keeping in close touch, enough money to see to all my current needs. My lovely SiL is so unhappy, = hubbie insisted they moved right away from London - lovely house, but she hates it there. She hardly see their two remaining children and g.children.

My MIL was envious of our financial situation as well, but unlike you, she made dreadful, appalling comments that were inappropriate on every level. 'Spending again' was her catch phrase and I avoided seeing her at every opportunity.

Envy is a natural emotion which all humans feel. So long as your daughter loves you what else matters?

I suppose if we have ‘less than enough’ (ie some new curtains that you’d like to buy) it’s an understandable emotion. We all compare ourselves to others on some level occasionally. If we are happy and our ‘needs’ are met we are less bothered about ‘wants’.

I think it’s possibly less common to be envious of your own daughter? Sorry that possibly comes over a bit wrong. What I mean is, I know you’ll be delighted for her, you just feel ‘sorry for me’.

I think over the years most of us (apart from a very fortunate few) will have had those feelings. Then again, those fortunate few possibly have other feelings of envy - for example if they are dealing with estrangement issues or severe illness etc.

Life isn’t fair. It never was.
We have to learn to love the life we have in my opinion.

Hopefully you’re just having a bit of a blue day. Lockdown and Covid anxieties don’t help. We have too much time to ruminate. I hope you feel less upset about the inequality of wealth soon.

If you can’t change a situation you have to change your outlook.
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