Does this reflect your opinion?

muse transformation has been a gradual thing. I would say if your GD has a skill or ability encourage her to pursue it. You gain so much confidence when you discover you are better than others at something. Meeting people who were more like me than many I went to school with helped. I hope she manages to keep growing. I think the challenges today are so much more than they were in my youth and expectations are so much higher. I'm pleased she got support, so many don't. She's also got you. I think the fact that Grans always believe in you helps, mine did (although they hadn't a clue about how I was treated at school).

trisher It's so good to hear you have come through your school life with the ability to survive. Was it something you achieved alone?

I ask because my granddaughter was such a depressed teenager. Like you she's now found belief in herself. Thankfully she had support, just in time.

I read these figures last year: The number of women and girls between the ages of 10 and 24 recorded as having taken their own lives has increased by 94 per cent since 2012. Various reasons are given but intimidation is high on the list. Social media was highlighted as a contributing factor.

I agree about the groups on GN but when I read that some groups target one person in an intimidating way, I want to see moderation change on this site.

I suppose I possibly was bullied at school-funny name which was parodied, overweight, bookish but workng class and didn't fit in very well until 6th form. I probably would be diagnosed as a depressed teenager nowadays, But out of that has come an ability to think for myself, to stand alone if I need to and to maintain my beliefs in spite of name-calling. All of which have helped me survive in very rough schools and stand up for myself on GN even when I have very different views to the majoriy of posters. I don't think there are "gangs' on GN just groups of people with similar life experiences and views.

I've read the comments made since I posted late last night and agree with GagaJo that resilience can be built up. I done that myself but there were still times I came to breaking point. I was lucky enough to have a close friend I could turn to just to offload how I felt.

Sarah48 What some experience on GN is a comment from one person that is meant to intimidate. This is followed by similar comments from other GNers. The term We isn't needed for the receiver to refer to them as a gang. The other GNers create an imbalance of power. One belittling comment is not bullying. Repetitive similar comments whether from one or many, is bullying.

Sorry, I've mentioned this before but the term used by ABA to define bullying is : the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power.

MOnica people get a shock when they come on GN and find that those who disagree with them will say so and repeat saying so. They immediately decide this is bullying. Unfortunately, some of those disagree in a belittling and sarcastic way.

One of the 6 forms of bullying ABA (Anti-Bulling Alliance - National Children's Bureau) identify is: Verbal - name calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, threats, teasing, belittling.

I have no idea what guidance and experience GNHQ have themselves in knowing how to deal with online bullying. Organisations like ABA do. To use their words: They and their members have a shared definition of bullying based on research from across the world over the last 30 years. Hopefully, I'll see something from GNHQ soon on this serious issue.

Just had a very vivid image flash into my head of a bunch of radgie grans, toolled up, with flick knives, wearing leather, a la West Side Story. LOL

Ah yes. Gang, group of friends, clique, bunch. Take your pick. I don't think gang has to mean ganging up. Just... gang as a group of friends.

GagaJo

No idea which gang Lucca, but for someone to go to the effort of sending something vindictive like that, they obviously didn't have a good intention.

Fortunately, it is the only nasty PM I have had. The others have all been nice friendly overtures.

What I meant was, I don’t see that you can use the term “gang”.
It’s a bit emotive.

The user name. One of a group of friends on here.

Why do you think the person who sent you a PM was part of a ‘gang’, GagaJo? Did (S)he say “We think.....”

No idea which gang Lucca, but for someone to go to the effort of sending something vindictive like that, they obviously didn't have a good intention.

Fortunately, it is the only nasty PM I have had. The others have all been nice friendly overtures.

*au fait

GagaJo

I remember on here in one of the threads last year, one of 'the gang' wrote to me 'You are becoming a laughing stock.'
1) It probably WAS attempted bullying although I didn't realise it at the time.
2) I thought the logic was very flawed. It is an online forum. How the hell would they know.
3) The attempt failed. I am secure in my politics and not intimidated by online comments.

As a relative newcomer, I’m not au fair with the existence of any gangs / never been to a meet up / rarely send or receive PMs. Are there really ‘gangs’ on GN? Are they people who know each other and plot to take down another Gransnetter? This site is more exciting than I imagined!

I think MOnicas last paragraph is true, particularly at the moment, when we’re mixing with very few people, most of them probably like- minded.

Lucca I agree with you. Someone expresses a view that many people on GN, quite independently, disagree with and post to that effect. That is not a gang, few of those disagreeing will even know each other and may well disagree on every other topic. The only think in common is an independently arrived at objection to one particular opinion expressed by someone else.

Fake and unsubstantiated views on the dangers of the COVID vaccine is one such subject. many of us challenged one poster's views on this subject.

For anyone to be bullied there would have to be one or a consistent group who pursued one person through every thread they posted on criticising them or demaning them.

I think, sometimes people who live and work with like minded people, or are surrounded by people who avoid discussion with them to avoid a problem, get a shock when they come on GN and find that those who disagree with them will say so and repeat saying so. They immediately decide this is bullying.

GagaJo

I remember on here in one of the threads last year, one of 'the gang' wrote to me 'You are becoming a laughing stock.'
1) It probably WAS attempted bullying although I didn't realise it at the time.
2) I thought the logic was very flawed. It is an online forum. How the hell would they know.
3) The attempt failed. I am secure in my politics and not intimidated by online comments.

Sounds like an unkind remark, true. But bullying ?
What’s with the “gang” ?
Right wing gang ? Left wing gang ? Let’s be nice gang ? Disinfect the house twice daily gang ? Can’t sleep gang ?
Good morning gang ? Have a joke gang ? Tv chat gang ?

.

I was totally flummoxed recently when accused of bullying on a GN thread because I had stated clearly, politely and honestly why I disagreed with a viewpoint expressed. From my perspective it felt like an attempt to shut me down from expressing a different opinion to the poster. But who knows! Anyway it hasnt worked!

I think the whole anonymous thing can make it worse on line.....because you can’t see or know anyone. I was always far more intimidated at school by a sneaky note passed round, than someone just coming up to me. I’ve never had any problem with direct confrontation, but when you don’t know who it is...very uncomfortable.

I don’t know which thread you mean, but that doesn’t sound like bullying to me. One person howling into the void is just that.

Recently I have felt there is consistent bullying on the Coronavirus threads where one member in particular seems to spend all day trying to impose her view by dint of swamping the thread with shouty insulting posts. I have often wondered why none of the members bullied don't complain.

I'm a teacher nanna. Worked in a couple of VERY hard schools. It'd take a punch to the face to offend me!

GagaJo I would definitely say that a message telling you that you were becoming a laughing stock was bullying. I’d be mortified. Good for you for not leaving.

I remember on here in one of the threads last year, one of 'the gang' wrote to me 'You are becoming a laughing stock.'
1) It probably WAS attempted bullying although I didn't realise it at the time.
2) I thought the logic was very flawed. It is an online forum. How the hell would they know.
3) The attempt failed. I am secure in my politics and not intimidated by online comments.

One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter

That says it all, really.

My comments were not about Gransnet, incidentally, but while we are on the subject, that is a good reason for needing clear rules. A terrorist might see himself as a freedom fighter, but that is no defence in law.

I’m being very philosophical for 6.30 in the morning ?

* man’s terrorist

If you perceive the treatment you are getting is bullying and the perpetrators are asked to stop and don’t then that I suppose can be seen as bullying.
I have a friend who will bully people and if they pull him up on it will say “it’s just banter”
I don’t really know the answer to it all, but it does seem to be the same people all the time who feel they are being bullied, so is it just their perception of the treatment they are receiving. I feel that my Dad was a terrible bully, but others think not. Who is right I wonder.
If this is about GN then if I don’t like the way a thread is going I leave it and move on, others can’t do that as they have to feel they are being listened to and then it gets out of hand and before you know it, someone is saying they are being bullied.
Who knows the right way to deal with it though.
One mans terririst is another mans freedom fighter.
Just be nice to each other for gods sake❤️

The thing is, with online bullying, there is physical evidence, in the form of the written word. It is a lot easier to prove than verbal bullying, where it can be hard to prove.

Of course, online, in all contexts, whether it be a forum like this one or other social media, keyboard warriors feel able to say more than they would face to face.

I agree that some are more able to withstand it than others. I don't regard social media (including GN or MN) as real life, other than the friends I have made that I am in contact with off social media as well as on it. It doesn't bother me at all what others say UNLESS it is a person I have real life contact with. I honestly think that in those contexts, the bullies are probably lonely or sad in other ways, if they need to get their kicks by writing cruel stuff to complete strangers online. But there are people who are deeply affected by cruel words and ongoing comments, and like all bullies, when they realise this, they do it all the more.

Feminist forums or groups are key targets for misogynistic trolls. Some of the comments are horrific, but most I think really are just keyboard warriors and as I said before, sad little men who have no other way to vent their sexist claptrap in real life because no one would tolerate it.