Does this reflect your opinion?

MissAdventure I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.
(I'm not 'on' this thread and was just idly reading, but it didn't feel right to not acknowledge this. I'm so glad that GN gave you some comfort at such an awful time.)

Oooh! Not the going somewhere terminal part, obviously.
I meant the staying bit!

Good to hear.

I've seen that too - that's why I would never leave Gransnet.
Unless to go to somewhere terminal (which can't be far off now.)

And now I'm going on a bit, but I have to say I was shown some real kindness on here when my daughter died.
Some people went out of their way to support me when I had nobody, and that is the part of gransnet I try to pass on to others who may need it.

I think I'm quite a resilient person, but it was such a dark time for me.

I wouldn't expect preferential treatment, or even anyone to know, but I just couldn't have coped with too much else.

So I try to be a bit kinder, because it was one of my girl's best assets.

I can see that. MissAd - I didn't know. No way could you have been toughened up.
When I think of my own darling daughter.

Because when I was a bit sensitive (because my daughter was dying from cancer) it probably would have finished me off, for one thing.

And for another, it isn't for members to decide to toughen people up, because it really, really is not their place to.

Why appalling?

I would suggest that it is not any members place to "strengthen" anyone.

I find it appalling.

I was just going to start a thread on bullying, (because of the relevance to the banning thread) I thought I should search first, and found this!
Anyway, if I haven't already made my stance clear, I join those who think that it's more effective to strengthen those in a weaker position rather than try to flatten those who appear stronger. By banning etc.
There are some wonderful stories about Resistance fighters, Jews and non jews, during WW2.

You are right, Doodledog
I regularly let posts with hundreds of answers on pass me by if I don't feel able to read through them all - often for this reason.

M0nica - asking 'Is this real?' on a thread serves no purpose at all.
Contact GNHQ if you are concerned.
You may not have been ridiculing but several others were.

MissAdventure Often you are not sure and really look to see what others think, if no one agrees, then I would assume I had got the wrong message and would just stop following the thread.

I also understood GNHQ follow threads that seem edgy and they will post on some themselves.

I know I've said before that it irritates me when people don't read the thread before posting, but I think that it can lead to situations where someone asks if they are being unreasonable (often because they are hurt by someone's reaction to something they've done) and are told over and over, sometimes very harshly, that yes, they have brought it all on themselves, they deserve all they get, they should have done x or y, or (my pet hate) - they should have thought of that before doing whatever it was.

This can continue even if the OP has said on page 1 that she realises she was in the wrong. The last thing someone needs if they are already feeling bad about something is to have their 'guilt' or culpability thrust at them for pages of posts. I can understand how that must feel like bullying, even though it is brought about by separate posters adding their thoughts without bothering to see whether (a) they have already been expressed, or (b) the OP has acknowledged that they were being unreasonable.

It can be painful to watch sometimes.

It is against the rules though, isnt it?
The advice is to contact gnhq if you think a thread or poster is fake.

FarNorth we do get fake threads on GN, posted by people who think it is funny to try and wind up old grannies (as they see us)

A common tactic is to start with something fairly innocent and then add posts that gradually make it more and more far fetched.

I know the thread you are referring to and I think I was the first to pose the question 'Is this real? When I asked this question it was not a joke. I was feeling both puzzled and uneasy about how the OP was filling out details, of what originally was a somewhat strange obsession, but believable and deserving compassion, so that it was becoming increasingly bizarre and I did indeed become suspicious that this might be a 'have-on' thread, in which case it should be taken down.

If it was real, it was even more important it was taken down because it was clear that the OP might have serious mental health problems that were beyond the remit of GN.

Expressing reservations about a thread, is an entirely reasonable thing to ask. It is nothing to do with making fun of someone. I was careful how I worded what I said, so that no-one should think it, other than it was - an expression of unease.

PECS

Well when you see the different, often polarised reactions, to situations in RL it is bound to be reflected on a site like this!

Different people have different ways of posting/ responding to express their opinions.

My close friends and I are used to having humdingers of debates and we are all of a similar political persuasion but still disagree on some things! I love a good debate. It is not bullying if you lose an argument or people you don't know think your idea is stupid, rubbish or nonsense!

I agree.

Well when you see the different, often polarised reactions, to situations in RL it is bound to be reflected on a site like this!

Different people have different ways of posting/ responding to express their opinions.

My close friends and I are used to having humdingers of debates and we are all of a similar political persuasion but still disagree on some things! I love a good debate. It is not bullying if you lose an argument or people you don't know think your idea is stupid, rubbish or nonsense!

A thread on here was removed recently as it was clear that the OP was distressed about the problem they had but some posters were treating it as a joke and/or asking if it was real.
It was obvious that some, at least, of those posters had seen the other unkind comments and were joining in and I'd say that was bullying, and was probably quite upsetting for the OP.

'Imbalance of power' can exist on a site like GN, even though all are anonymous.
A poster who feels distressed about their question or problem can be quite vulnerable to further distress caused by criticism or flippancy.

*paddyanne" you were quite right not to let that get to you.

On GN, several posters may be typing similar responses at the same time, completely unaware of each other.
Then, when all their posts appear on the site, it may look like a concerted action by a group when, in fact, it's nothing of the sort.

name calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, threats, teasing, belittling. I have seen very little of any of the above on GN.

I hold strong opinions and express them and often people will disagree with me , but I have never been aware of any attempt to bully me or gang up on me.

Yes, there are a number of members with the same strongly held polarised political beleifs and they do all tend to group on relevant threads, but I have never seen any suggestion that they were in contact with each other to plan gang attacks on any individual.

It can be a difficult place, sure enough, paddyanne. BUT the positive is that there are lots of lovely posters too.

I was bullied on here ,theres no other word for the way several posters harangued me .My own fault for giving information that I hadn't disclosed to any one in real life ,though I did believe the anonimity of the site would mean no one would say anything about it .
Dont get me wrong it wasn't anything bad or shameful just something that went against my principles and I did explain why I did it.There were a few posters who jumped on it at a later date and one after another niggled me and I did leave for a few weeks .then I thought why should I let folk who know damn all about my life make me miserable about something that was done for the best of reasons.Of course I'm not alone in it I've seen it happen to others and ne of the worst perpetrators is a woman who everyone apparently thinks the sun shines out of.NOT the lady the thread is about ,to be clear ,Now I scroll past anything I see with their names on it .