Gifts for neice and nephew AIBU

You are a brilliant Aunt! How lucky your nieces and nephews are that you are giving them money to use later on when they will really need it.

Ignore your Sister, you are thinking of their future not sending something that will be thrown away a couple of months after the celebration date.

So NYANBU.

Your sister resents what you are doing because they are her children not yours.
What your husband's Uncle did for him is nothing to do with this situation.
She wants you to send gifts instead of money. Send gifts. She clearly thinks they are too young to be handling cash and I tend to agree with her. Maybe she thinks they need to learn money has to be earned.
If you think they get too may gifts they don't appreciate then send small, personal things no one else would buy them.
Growing up with an expectation they are going to inherit someone's money seems unhealthy to me.
There are lots of ways you can express your affection for your family without money being involved. Do other things with your money. I'm sure there are plenty of children's charities around who would be very grateful for it.

Your sister sounds ungrateful. Sending parcels abroad is becoming ever more difficult and costly.

Just to clarify there is no expectation from anyone about any of the children being left anything in our will it hasn't been mentioned to anyone we have done a will and put it away. We hope to spend our money on holidays when we can !
I just mention it to show that we are being generous towards our nieces and nephews when they are more likely to need the money later in life.

I am sure the children prefer money so they can choose whatever they like.

You cannot know everything that they have already or what they are into so could easily get the wrong gift.

You are a generous, kind aunt. Do not let your sister spoil your pleasure of giving.

Difficult one this. The presents I have previously sent abroad cost almost as much in postage as they did to buy. It’s much the same here in the UK.
Fortunately my brother’s wife is happy to buy things over there and and wrap them for me, or just wrap them if it’s an Amazon delivery.
For the older grandchildren, I now ask what they’d like, then arrange the money. They FaceTime to show me, or email me a photo of the present-sometimes wearing it or using it along with a thank you.
I don’t think YABU, but good luck with finding a solution.

I think you are being sensible and your sister is being unreasonable.

Your sister is being most unreasonable.
Would you know what to buy for a twelve year old whom I presume you don't see very often? I know I wouldn't.
Twelve is just about the age to have some money to spend on something your parents wouldn't approve of/what you like: a sparkly top or a most unsuitable game. Plus the hassle of packaging and posting and the uncertainty now about things arriving.
I suppose you could ask your nieces and nephews what they would like and send them a voucher specifically for that, but why? What would they like you to do? Ask them.

I think your sister is being unreasonable and unrealistic. You are very generous and it should be appreciated. Would your sister prefer it if you gave your money to charity I wonder.

Ask your sister if the children would like anything in particular. Amazon does have a gift wrap option if it’s practical. I hope you find a solution that’s suitable for everyone concerned.

Both you and your OH are obviously trying to be fair all round with the nieces and nephews, your generosity will be a great help when they're older.

As for you sister, what an ungrateful, unreasonable person she is! Can she not understand your logic in transferring money rather than posting gifts abroad? It does sound like she just can't be bothered to choose a suitable gift with the money you have sent, wrap it and give to her child/children!

I think I would carry on sending the money and also write to the child in question explaining your motives and that their Mum has the money intended to be spent on them.

Of course your sister is being unreasonable.
Why don’t you pretend to send something really lovely then be upset when it doesn’t arrive? I’d be tempted but I do have a nasty streak?
If you are nicer than me then send a card and save the gifts till they visit.
I just shop on line in Australia if I want to send my Aussie family a gift but it does depend where they live.

Your sister is being very unreasonable especially as she's declined your suggestion that she buy a gift and wrap it on your behalf, and you then send her the money.

Pamela.

Wow I wish I'd had an auntie like you. Your sister is being unreasonable. I can virtually guarantee that the children would prefer money to gifts. Even my DGC (all under 12) prefer money for Christmas and birthdays because they can spend it on what they want there and then or save it towards something bigger.

I don't know why your sister feels this way but it's her problem not yours. Keep sending money.

Your sister is very unreasonable not to mention ungrateful

I don't think she should dictate what ever you send to the children

I ask my grandchildren if they would like presents or money to spend on whatever they want ,they always choose money and they have great pleasure spending it

Postage is a complete waste of money now and I send money electronically. Besides that, someone who knows their likes, hobbies etc will know exactly what they would like rather than an aunt and uncle sending a gift they have chosen. As they get older they like having money to spend themselves.
There is also the problem with Customs, possible duty to be paid and the risk of something getting lost en route.

Your sister is very ungrateful.

Imo it’s up to you how you want to gift your nieces/nephews, whether by transferring an amount of money, posting a present or sending a gift voucher.
Just tell your sister that you want to transfer money as a gift and leave it at that.
What she prefers you to do with your time and money is neither here or there.

Is there a good online company that will wrap and post things for you in the country the gifts are going to?

I know someone who had a little local shop put together a gift bundle now and again for her relatives abroad - maybe there is a jeweler or toy shop or saddlers or whatever?

Another relative emailed (from Spain) an independent shop near my mother-in-law and she picked out small gifts such as scarves, a cardigan or nightwear and these were wrapped and delivered.

I have sent things this way to my son in the USA too.

I realise these are all adults but there must be something similar...
Cheaper in terms of postage and a bit more personal.

Just had another idea... don't know how much you usually gift but what about a magazine/comic subscription?

Thank you everyone for your kind comments and really useful suggestions. I feel very reassured now that I am not the wicked aunt of the west !

Oh no. You are not that Alibee!

You are being sensible, your sister is being unreasonable.

My only grandchildren are abroad. Sending gifts is a nightmare, expensive and unreliable. I send my son money to buy something they want, need and which their parents approve. It doesn’t have to be tangible. (horse riding and dance lessons at the moment). The whole family loves the arrangement.

No, YANBU, your sister is. I think you are being very generous and approaching this in a sensible way. Also, as children get older, what you send as a gift might not be to their liking, whereas with money, they can buy whatever it is they would like. I can’t understand your sisters objection to your suggestion of you sending her the money to buy a gift if she thinks that is what they would prefer - she will have a better idea of their likes and dislikes, but it sounds as if that is too much of an inconvenience for her. No, continue as you are doing.