Struggling with it all now

for everyone on this thread and a bunch for me too

Bisui6nmuncher You say "we just keep doing the same thing thinking that perhaps this time it will work!" but maybe it would help if you did something different? Talk to your daughter. Tell her that you have run out of ideas and ask her for suggestions about what you and she could do, where you could go.

You need something completely illogical and unexpected. Her turn tomorrow, yours the day after. The dafter the better. Green nail varnish? A takeaway from an ethnic restaurant you would never have thought of? Watch a foreign film on your laptops or phones (with subtitles) ?

Well I have seen it Biscuitmuncher my son was very lucky not to lose his life because of Covid, likewise his wife, plus my little granddaughter who also tested positive. So count your blessings, there is always someone worse off than yourself, and I count myself lucky.

BlueSky I think what's happening is that like me covid hasn't had any impact on my life, I dont know anyone who has been very ill with it. But lockdown has had a very serious impact on mine and my families life. Now that doesn't say covid isn't awful, it just that I've not seen it

Paddyanne how terribly sad! And yet there are people who still deny this is happening, people saying it’s just a tiny percentage of old people dying, when every community has had the tragic cases like you mentioned! We can only hope the vaccinations will bring some relief.

paddyanne

Been a bad week here ,my daughters best friend lost her dad to Covid at the beggining of the week ,her husband is in ICU with it and his brother is having his ventilator switched off today,they are allowing his wife and two children in to see him and say goodbye....We lost another friend last week and in all honesty I'm a nervous wreck waiting to hear who will be next.
Its been a very long year with it being a rare month with no news of deaths ,and even though these people are my daughters friends it affects us all .We've had our first jags and we'll be staying put for the forseeable future .All we can do and must do is try to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe ,I can say its been a long time since I've felt so down

Oh Biscuit I hope you feel better soon. There really is an end in sight, it just feels so faraway at present. The sun will come out again I promise you, so hang on in there.

Biscuitmuncher Don't beat yourself up for struggling with this - isn't it enough that we're trying to survive a pandemic? Any way we get through a day that doesn't harm others is frankly good enough right now. If you're getting through yours at all you're doing OK.

What works for other people won't necessarily work for you but if anyone has suggested something that caught your eye you could mull over giving it a try. If not just hang on to the fact that this will end, it will change and we will get our lives back at some point.

Quite honestly I'm often more concerned about the people who are relentlessly up beat about it all - it's a much more baffling reaction to this than being oppressed by it all, but if it works for them then I'm not going to argue. What I will say is that you're not 'getting this wrong' by not feeling the same. Separating human beings from their normal lives, families and communities is like taking a seal out of the sea for months. It'll survive, but it wont thrive. This too shall pass, and while it's passing it's perfectly OK to mope about the 'cave' being grumpy and lethargic. It's a survival mechanism and a valuable one at that. Half the reason we feel it isn't is because other people tell us we should be more 'upbeat' because it suits them to be and then they don't have to worry about us. Of course they mean well, but it doesn't always help.

PS - never underestimate the therapeutic power of a middle finger up at the world and a well mouthed 'F* O**' in the privacy of your own home. Very cathartic!

I'm usually a very upbeat person but we just keep doing the same thing thinking that perhaps this time it will work!

This general feeling of lethargy has affected me and many of my family and friends. In the 1st lockdown I think most of us hoped that the 12 weeks house arrest would see off Covid-19 once and for all. Gardens and homes were tidied and spruced up and the weather was lovely. 9 months on and lockdown has been a miserable time with Christmas being a bit of a let down and the weather not inviting outside pursuits. It seems we have made no progress since lockdown 1. However, I am a glass half full person as a rule, so I am pinning my hopes for freedom, even partial freedom will do, on having had my jab and the Spring on it's way. Onwards and upwards. I hope you feel more positive soon.

Well a walk will help if you allow it too You owe it to your daughter to be more ‘up’ even if you don’t feel it and have to pretend
Nothing lasts for ever
Look you can be born with one leg you can sit in the corner and cry it’s not fair or you can learn how to manage with the one you’ve got

I know I always think I wish a walk would help!

Yes I feel weary of it all but try to remember it's working. Death and infection rates are falling, vaccination rates are rising and it won't be long now.
Once the flirty thirty age group is vaccinated and had their fill of parties and raves it might be safe for us to venture out and put a toe in the water. But I have no intention of throwing caution to the winds until the youngsters have let off their steam, why risk it when we've done so well up to now.
But I agree, I'm sick to death of it and do get despondent too.

Get your 16 year old to go for a walk with you biscuit make a flask of coffee or pink gin (only joking) do some silly stuff try and find some things to laugh together about or you are both going to drag each other down
I have 7 grandkids and 5 of them have been in lockdown ( two in NZ have escaped for the most part) the 5 are older teens who are all like your daughter biscuit and it breaks my heart that they have lost a year of their precious lives, but me dwelling on it won’t help and me having a negative outlook won’t help them either so I try my hardest to be upbeat and positive and tell them we will meet this year and we will have fun
I live alone and could easily go down hill but I know we ve done the worst part we are on the home run and we have to keep going This will not last for ever whenever I ve gone through a bad time, and I ve gone through plenty, life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries, but I always look to the end and the little chink of light that will get brighter
Here’s a Maori saying for you to think about
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you
Keep that as your mantra you will get there and it will just be a bad dream that will fade into time

I am the most laid back sole but I am totally fed up now vaccination in our area seems terribly slow I wish they would ramp it up if the plans are to have the first 9 groups vaccinated by April they are going to have to put a move on We have barely started group 6
The change of weather will help but I desperately want to start living again properly every day at the moment seems like Groundhog Day

I agree with BlueBelle too.
I think maybr you`r on a downer at the moment Biscuitmuncher.
Get the biscuits out and have a cuppa.

Definitely teenagers have found this difficult - even when they do not know that have!!! Those wonderful teenage years seem to have been stolen from them, and all they have left is screens. I really do hope that they will start coming out of this, being able to meet up with some of their friends out of doors as the weather improves, get back to school and college and start to be able to do all the things teenagers in our society should be doing.

Know it is difficult with a 16-year old, but do try - even if it is just once a week, to get her to accompany you on one of your walks, and try to chat about things with her.

I am looking forward to hearing the sound of children playing in their school playgrounds, of being able to go to see gymnastic competitions, of being able to visit my gchildren in their University towns. I want to visit my son and dil - so silly, they both work from home, never mix with anyone else, yet, as they are nearly 200 miles away I am not permitted to go.

Biscuitmuncher I totally understand where you are coming from, for me the light seems a long way off. I have lost so much to COVID and am still weeks away from vaccination. I recognise that it’s a dip in my mood today, as even an hours trudge around the fields that surround where I live was just that and it hasn’t lightened my mood at all. It’s good that people have responded with positive suggestions for lifting your low mood (will take some on board for myself) but it’s ok to express your sadness and frustration - even healthy to do so,

I feel as you do Biscuitmuncher although I try to bash through the day as cheerfully as I can as my husband is doing. We are lucky that we have each other even though there are a few words spoken (shouted) now and again. I'm trying not to expect much from the PM on Monday. He has been clear its all about the schools first and then watching the numbers before the rest of us are allowed anything. I have to say I was initially hoping for more but it takes longer for the vaccine to be administered to a lot more people to get us anywhere near normal living. I know all the very good reasons for this lockdown but I do find it hard.

Biscuitmuncher I'm another who feels like you a lot of the time. I have plenty of things I can do and do do but I think a lot of people are ignoring news I wish i hadn't seen.

For instance that the Astra Zeneca vaccine has only 60% efficacy in the over 65s,that a quarter of people in France, Germany and the US will refuse the vaccine, the government is at odds with Chris Whitty and others who don't agree with wildly opening the schools. I listened to the SAGE presentation yesterday, it was said that the virus is now circulating most amongst primary school age children! In the same presentation, Dr Rachel Clark talked at length about trauma and breakdown amongst medical staff as a result of being constantly on the front line.

On top of that, having a 16 year old daughter is a critical moment in the relationship with parents in ordinary times, let alone now!
It's perfectly possible to go and admire the snowdrops but I don't think normal is going to return any time soon. Take care Biscuitmuncher, it's not easy.

Biscuitmuncher. I have a daughter with a daughter the same age as yours. She has struggled for the past two years, emotionally after having broken up with her long standing partner. 2020 has not helped. She works from home but now has dedicated time with my GD. They have a few things i common they enjoy watching on TV and also go out for a takeaway coffee. She like you, can only see other houses out of the window so she drives to the nearby park (my GD can't walk every far without pain ). There they sit and have their coffee. Most times it is in the car. It means they talk.

I live 300 miles away and miss them both and the last time I saw them was last August.

I'm very envious of boheminan with the good weather. The bad weather for some is not helping many. Me included. I love my gardening but can't do anything because it's waterlogged and raining again now. I'm constantly looking ahead on the forecast for a spell of dry weather. We need lots of . My poor daffodils are struggling to open up but they will.

Is there a park near to you, you could drive to? Perhaps you and your daughter could to cook/bake together? Some biscuits .

The vaccinations are rolling out and hopefully you will get yours soon. Changes are a foot and we will know more next week. GN is always here and please visit some of the other threads such as Soop's kitchen. This one has helped me a lot. There are lots of fun threads.

Maybe your daughter has an end in sight.

When you feel like there is no end in sight you should search for other ends.
For instance the signs of spring for their own sake. Other people have ends in sight and you may be able to share their hopes for a while. Take a day at a time and find some end that is worthwhile for that day only.

My daughter has just turned 16 and it's like shes fading away before my eyes. She used to be so happy and jolly but she just stares at a screen now