Estrangement in a family

I wish more people were as empathic and willing to try and understand Applegran and I can see that your post comes from a place of care and kindness. More of that would make the world a much better place.

Estrangement is a complex and messy business for most. The pain is indescribable and for me, not something I could ever envisage taking the risk of experiencing again. The people I chosen to estrange from brought nothing of value to my life and took so much from me it caused major illness. I'd have to want them back to do what the book suggests and in reality I don't, we are all better off as we are because I do indeed see that I was as much part of the problem as they were. The estrangement that I didn't choose (which came before) will be a source of pain for the rest of my days. I can't initiate a reconciliation, it is not wanted. So I must live with it.

Thank you for posting about this topic though, it does help to know that it's not just people who are directly affected who think about and care about this issue.

Thank you for the book title, Applegran. Sadly, I have had to deal with quite a bit of estrangement in my birth family. My parents were never happy together and divorced at the age of 70. Once my father had found a new partner, my mother never saw him again. My sister and I were both damaged by the unhappiness at home and my sister, who is 60 this year, has not had anything to do with either parent for 15 years. My mother died of covid in a care home last April, very sad that she had not heard from my sister for so long. There was never a reason given, just a loss of energy on my sister's part. My sister rarely speaks to me either. She doesn't want to be reminded of her childhood and I can't help the fact that I was there. I was in touch with all 3 of them for years before mum died. I am still on good terms with my sister although she makes almost no effort at all to sustain the relationship. I am in regular contact with my dad, who is now alone at 93. He's a cheerful and loving soul, having been shown better ways to behave by his partner, who died 3 years ago.
I would love to have a better relationship with my sister, but have come to accept that will never happen.
So that's it. Families eh?