Mental Health - what has happened to resilience?

There are degrees aren't there? Annie mentioned death of a child to cancer, suicide of a sibling or other close relative. Both of these have happened in our close family, along with our traumatic childhood and .subsequent traumas which I won't go into again. I certainly don't feel like tiptoeing through the tulips into the future. I dread what's coming next.

I agree Iam64 there is a world of difference between feeling sad or stressed by life's problems and clinical diagnosis of depression. Too often people put a label on things without any real understanding of the issues e.g ' I'm a bit OCD' sufferers of this condition have their lives disrupted.

Times are very different now. Anyway give it a bit longer and Mother’s Day will be something else so there will be no need to ask if it’s okay to bombard anyone's email inbox with suggestions for the day.

Years ago ‘everyone knew everyone’ and it ‘took a village to raise a child’ and all that. Now the world is so fast paced we hardly need the news at 6/9/10pm anymore. Strangers asking strangers for advice not knowing if that person is genuine or just having a fun time at someone’s expense. If one establishment does something they all have to be seen to be doing something. Cannot win otherwise

Hetty58

I resent the general assumption that this last year has been terrible and put us all on the verge of mental breakdown. I've had far worse times!

The building blocks for resilience begin started when we are infants. Having attachment needs met consistently, lovingly give us a good start. Having a poor start can be compensated for.
I’m with Hetty in feeling a bit fed up with the way the media is focussed on children who will never catch up at school, whose m.h. Is ruined for ever. That focus has me putting my ‘get on with it’ hat on. Complicated isn’t it

Medication, who can forget the 70’s and 80’s, the answer to
everything, Valium, Ativan, became known as ‘mothers little
helpers’ . The result was thousands of people suffering severe
withdrawal

The old cynic in me asks if this isn’t some kind of advertising ploy on the part of the supermarket to bring them to your attention.

Whilst we keep emphasising mental health issues which may make some more aware and prone, on the other side of the coin we have some with serious mental health issues who in the past were told to pull themselves together as if they were a pair of curtains. We may think Post Traumatic Stress is a modern phenomenon but it has been around for years and not recognised.

And it’s interesting - because despite my issues I’ve sailed through lockdown ( apart from one very minor wobble early on )

Every person in the world probably suffers from a mental health issue at some point in their lives. I suppose the key is how we deal with it and the ongoing support we have.
I’ve suffered mental health issues all my life ( I had my first panic attack at age 11 due to bullying at school )
I have had counselling a few times over the years hut it didn’t help. The only other option is anti depressants which I have refused. Because at the end of the day that is the only answer for many people. To take drugs. And I’d rather not take that route.
So essentially - I have become resilient. In my eyes anyway. I just ‘get on with it’ - plus I know people who are on antidepressants and they struggle to come off them.

I resent the general assumption that this last year has been terrible and put us all on the verge of mental breakdown. I've had far worse times!

I agree with the distinction between the feelings of sadness or worry that are part of life and the diagnosis of schizophrenia, bipolar, clinical anxiety/dexpression, for example. Our m,h services, particularly camhs, all need greater investment.

This tough year has tested us. I wish the media would distinguish more clearly between clinical m.h. problems and the feelings of emotions being closer to the surface many experience during this current lockdown. I’m not suggesting a return to the don’t talk about feelings approach, or denial that clinical depression can strike even the most resilient if life throws enough stresses and losses their way. There’s a significant difference between feeling stressed, worried or sad and being mid psychotic episode. I’m not expressing this as sensitively as I’d like but I hope it resonates with some.

Hetty this is a problem with mental health, unlike physical
ill health where a broken leg is a broken leg etc.

Mental health, baby blues, post natal depression, postpartum depression.

Family support can help but not everyone has family support

Anniebach, of course, some grief (like suddenly losing a child) is just overwhelming and much tougher than, perhaps, the expected loss of an elderly relative.

The love and support of family and friends, inner confidence and faith in the future help to pull us through. How people ever cope without those foundations I can't imagine. We really do need professional support available.

So simple to say we all have to deal with grief at some time,

Death of an elderly parent , death of a child from cancer,
death of a loved one murdered, death by suicide .

I agree with what CanadianGran said about work, stress and how so many people deal with it nowadays, especially the young.

Work is so different to how it used to be years ago, in many professions. Less dogsbody type work maybe, but often far fewer staff to do the same workload, and often I have to say people expected to take on more responsibilities than they are capable of, leading to stress.

As for grief. We all have to deal with grief at some stage of our life. My father died very suddenly when I was 19, I think I grew up overnight.

As the Queen wisely quoted “Grief is the price you pay for love”. That is so true, and an inescapable fact of life.

I have mixed emotions about this as well. I work in a sometimes high stress environment. Stress is caused by speed of information and decision making, not any physical stress.
It seems to me that so many people have a bad day and off to the doctors they go to get a note and be off on 'stress leave' for a few weeks. I hate to stereotype, but it is mostly young people doing this. Of course this means less staff to handle the work, fewer days off for those of us that 'get on with it'. Perhaps they are ill-trained in youth or home environment to buck up and handle a certain amount of stress that goes along with life?

On the other side, I have seen the effects of family strife or grief on individuals that really could have used someone professional to guide them. Especially in some older generation that lived through war or racial inequality.

I think having counseling available and accessible without societal judgement and perhaps more training and resources available to children and teens.

For me, part of building resilience is protecting yourself against unnecessary upset if possible.
It's just along the same lines as keeping yourself physically fit by doing what needs to be done.

I'm not planning to spend mothers day listening to sad songs about mums, looking at old photos and so on, because it won't help me, any more than going for a 20 mile run would help me, personally, to get fit at the moment (or ever, actually! Lazy.)

seamstress, I do feel that, recently, life's usual ups and downs can tend to be exaggerated and viewed as serious mental trauma.

There's a negative trend in considering other's mental health as fragile, even predicting potential problems, (such as children suffering MH problems due to school closures) that may well not happen.

What seems to be forgotten is the very close link between physical and mental health. Good food, fresh air and plenty of exercise encourage a positive outlook.

I think there's a real need for learning how to build resilience and confidence to face life's challenges. Some of us always bounce back quickly, whatever happens - others don't:

positivepsychology.com/mentally-strong/

MissAdventure ???

People opting out of receiving emails doesn't affect anyone else, and if it helps them, then it's a good thing.
There is no merit to suffering more than you need to.

B9exchange my Church has always distributed a posy of daffodils to every woman in Church on Mothering Sunday One of my sons refuses to buy a card unless it says "Mothering Sunday" Do you think there's a chance we may be in Church this year?

Perhaps the "pull yourself together" way of looking at mental health comes from people who have never had personal experience - either in relation to themselves or members of their close family - of anxiety and depression or other debilitating and distressing mental conditions.

There is obviously a major problem at the present time, which has been exacerbated by the virus situation, with mental health becoming more of an issue for some people, and a particular worry in relation to children and younger people. Apparently the admissions to hospital for self harming have increased dramatically and, in my view, this is something that can't just be shrugged off.

That is not to say I think it is a good idea to automatically prescribe drugs, although it may sometimes be necessary if a person is at risk of self harm. I also think that support groups, "buddies" and counselling can be very helpful - and a more holistic approach in providing relaxation and distraction strategies to help diminish mental distress and ward off major crises.

I quite like the idea of being asked if I want to opt out of Mothering Sunday (its real name) emails. There is just something about it that can cause hurt. For some years I would try and turn my face away from card shops emblazoned with encouragement to honour my mother, it was like a knife in the wound now that I no longer had one. Not so much is made of Father's Day, it doesn't have the history behind it, but I accept it might still cause upset to some.

My own mother would always send me a card on Mothering Sunday once I had children, with 'from one mum to another' inside. I used to think it was daft. But I remembered and I now buy cards for my three DiLs and DD, and put the same message in. I am sure they think I am quite mad, but it means that I can now go into card shops (or could!) with a purpose and no longer have to avert my eyes.

As others have said it must be hard for a large number of people, not just the bereaved, but those who have suffered miscarriages, lost children, or are unable to conceive. For years now the Church offers small bunches of daffodils to anyone who would like a bunch on Mothering Sunday, instead of just mothers as it used to, there is no discrimination.

I'd like to think we're much kinder, and more aware, these days towards mental health problems. Mental health always has been, and continues to be, the Cinderella of the NHS, so more funding is definitely required. In the matter of opt outs for emails, I see nothing wrong in this being offered. I opt out of the Mother's day emails, not because it's especially sad or hard for me (although I did lose my mum to a very horrible death) but because they're totally irrelevant. I don't need my inbox filled with marketing emails from every company I've ever dealt with. For one of my daughter-in-laws they are a horrible pointer to the IVF failures (including a miscarriage at 15 weeks) she and my son have endured. People need to develop resilience, and I'd say my D-i-L has it in spades to keep trying, but people need support and understanding to get there. Would we really want to go back to the times eg where men (and it was almost exclusively men) who were "shellshocked" were condemned as cowards or "weak characters" ? There is a balance to be had. Yes, some need to toughen up a bit, but this does not negate that consideration costs nothing. Some will ignore the emails, others will prefer not to have to deal with them. Surely it's good company policy not to p* off your potential customer base?

I don't think it is as simple as 'just ignore them', as you have to see them to ignore them.

I think that the 'sensitivity' of companies asking of people want to opt out of references to things is a cover for their doing so in case customers just unsubscribe altogether.

I must admit that 30 years after my father died it is only on Fathers' Day that I feel sad. I remember his birthday, obviously, and other anniversary dates, but for reasons I can't quite explain it is Fathers' Day that is, not quite upsetting, but sensitive.

As for anyone being offended about Easter - that's completely illogical, surely? If someone wants to celebrate it they can - it is entirely optional. You can't celebrate Mothers' Day without a mother or a child, and it's the same with Fathers' Day, Valentine's Day etc. They are not optional, as you need a named person to take part with you, so there is a huge difference.

There is a choice, if you have no problem with the emails ignore them