Mental Health - what has happened to resilience?

Missfoodlove I’m with you.

I can see what you're saying seamstress, however

From my perspective I do opt out of such emails if I can. I am estranged from one of my children, Mother's Day comes and goes and every year I have to stop and take a deep breath because the constant deluge of Mother love stings a great deal. I also lost a child over 20 odd years ago - I still think about him every day. I lost my mum four years ago after a lifetime of a difficult relationship which was never resolved. So in all honesty I think I'm pretty resilient, after all I'm still standing and I'm far from needy - I just enjoy the option of not having my face rubbed into something I can't have just because I bought something once from an online store.

To me these emails are just a simple thoughtfulness that give people like me the choice to 'shore up' a bit before the onslaught of an event that's no longer that inclusive of us. As they take nothing from Mothers who are not in my, or a similar, situation I don't see them as very harmful.

grannyactivist - a lot there I can agree with.

Where do you draw the line?
Gransnet, not every member is a gran, Father’s Day, Valentines Day, could Easter upset non Christians?
I could go on and on.
We do need more balance.

Thank you Mum of mad boys I have a great DH and a DD living near so I will be fine

Hope you feel brighter soon BBbevan. If not, please see your GP.
I think to be bombarded with Mothers day adverts if you are suffering from infertility could be very painful.
It is time we try to be more sensitive to each others emotional needs

I have always thought myself very resilient. Glass always half full. Since Christmas I have been very weepy, for no apparent reason. It has taken me by surprise. Hope it goes soon .

Some very good points, grannyactivist. I feel this is very pertinent -
We become resilient if there is adequate support, if we feel we are not in this alone and if we are affirmed and valued. People who are crumbling under the weight of life's difficulties (i.e. the people who may be thought to lack resilience) are often those who don't have appropriate support, who are shouldering what feels like too many burdens and who feel isolated and alone. Resilience is not developed on one’s own, and needs support from others to be maintained.

Yes indeed Ellan.

seamstress I think you're articulating what many, particularly older people, seem to be thinking. People may talk about their own disrupted childhoods and say they 'just got on with it', but what they often don't talk about is how difficult that all was and how it affected them emotionally.

The reality of course is that resilience is often born through the way we deal with hardship. We become resilient if there is adequate support, if we feel we are not in this alone and if we are affirmed and valued. People who are crumbling under the weight of life's difficulties (i.e. the people who may be thought to lack resilience) are often those who don't have appropriate support, who are shouldering what feels like too many burdens and who feel isolated and alone.

Many of my clients were already struggling with life and what's kept them hanging on by a thread (which is what 'resilience' can feel like) is a simple ten minute daily phone call to tell them how well they're doing and that they're not alone and life will get better eventually. For some that will be enough, but for those with pre-existing anxiety and depression it has been a very long year and they will need mental health support for an equal amount of time afterwards.

It seems clear to me that people need consistent and meaningful treatment/ support when they are acutely mentally unwell/experiencing a mental health crisis. It seems equally clear that people need support/help when their issues are less severe but longstanding and equally debilitating. I don't believe in pulling yourself together... However I can't work out what to do with the current idea which seems to be to encourage those in need to feel free to air all their problems and make themselves vulnerable etc but then with no support to catch them when they fall.

In this day and age you can only be resiliant to a point when so much has happened this last 12 months " on the doorstep " as it were where we've all known someone who's died in this pandemic alone. Life as we know it hasn't been normal for anyone which is bound to take its toll sooner or later.

Kate1949, I've tended to be like yourself and it's been tough going, though knowing at the same time that if I give in, I've "lost the fight ".

That's a good point Anniebach. And not being able to see mums in care homes.

It depends on what has happened to you. I used to be in the 'pull yourself together' brigade until one more awful thing (after many others) broke this camel's back. Now I really struggle with life. I consider myself resilient because I am still here.

How many have lost their mothers to the virus in less than a year ? couldn’t be with their mother in her death bed .

Should we expect/encourage children to be resilient when faced with life's setbacks. I think parents and schools should be helping children to develop resilience, but that is not the same as “pull your socks up and get on with life”. It’s necessary to acknowledge the emotions experienced when their is grief, but if one can be helped to develop coping strategies, then perhaps these events need not destroy one. It seems quite a sensitive move on the part of supermarkets to consider the effect of such advertising?

Hear hear Annie. Grief especially can be horrendously traumatic and difficult. I think what is going on at the moment is terrible for young people and children. I’m fed up of people thinking children are resilient and can manage ok because they are “only” children. They are not “resilient” they are scared and anxious and depressed and are dealing with all kinds of loss and have hardly any control or choice right now and as I work with them it worries me a lot. Mental health difficulties for adults and especially teenagers has gone through the roof in the last year and there will be repercussions for years after COVID

Couldn't agree more, Anniebach. People suffered in silence for years (and many still do). Yes, we should be teaching our children to be resilient and trying our best to equip them with the resources to cope with things like sadness and grief, but let's not take a step backwards to the days where mental health was something to be ashamed of or swept under the carpet. It costs nothing to be kind.

oh dear, that is a bit twee. I lost my mum when young too, but Mother"s Day doesn't arouse any more grief in me than today seeing a meadow of daffodils that she loved, or wearing some of her jewellery.
Is it just the loss of a mother they are talking about? If we look at it a different way what about mothers who have lost babies then? What about all the mothers who wont see their children this March 14th due to covid restrictions?

That's interesting. I think the get on with it idea is not that helpful, but children do need resilience.
I suppose I dont think receiving or not receiving an email promotes resilience.

I am sure where I stand on this one , more needs to be done for mental health.

As for grief, it doesn’t always mean one moves through the grieving process and recovers, many do , some do not.

Let’s not go back to the ‘pull yourself together days’ .