Mothers and Mothers in Law

Hi both my sons are living or married to my daughter inlaw and future daughter inlaws.both have my grandkids. Met parents on both sides. I’m always polite to them can’t say say happens back lol but I’m good at biting my tongue.

Must be lucky, since although because of distance we don’t see them often, dd1’s ILs (official) are lovely, ditto dd2’s ‘unofficial’ ones.
If dcs are partnered rather than married, should the partner’s parents be called ‘outlaws’?

I was very lucky with my MiL, too. Having only boys, in a very male household, IMO she was so grateful for anyone who’d take an interest in e.g. her new kitchen curtains!

My parents and ILs got on well, but because of distance didn’t meet up very often.

Oh I am loving this - so interesting! Actually, age gap was an issue for my mum /MiL. Although DH & I are similar ages, we were post-war babies - and as many of you remember, some were born to 'older mums'.
My MiL had waited out WW2, living with her MiL (her own parents were dead) and didn't have my DH until she was almost 40.. That was the age my mum was when we introduced the 2 of them!
Actually, it was my mum remarking on that that helped me get on with my MiL. A slightly tense relationship eased when I realised that she was actually my grandmother's generation (should have been obvious, but I was 18!)
We do get on well with our children's in-laws. Sadly, one of our DiLs' parents died quite young. One of the others were our neighbours for years!

Unfortunately no I don’t like my son’s MIL. I put hand on my heart and can honestly say I have tried and tried over the years. She is very controlling, domineering and it’s her way or no way at all attitude. For years I have had to keep my mouth zipped and smile and just tolerate for peace sake. Sadly I cannot bear her energy - it drains me - probably because I always have to suppress my emotions around her and agree for a peaceful life. I often find myself telling myself she has been planted in my life as a lesson for me to learn to be humble and to be understanding. After all everyone has their own story. However the less I see of her my life is much more peaceful and pleasant. I will continue to tolerate ?

I get on well with my son's mother in law, we're now part of the family, my daughter's mother in law is a nightmare.

My late MIL made a point of seeing my own mum occasionally, especially when my mum became housebound and very elderly. MIL was ten years younger. They had a cup of tea and a sandwich together and had a nice chat. They didn’t really have much in common, but found lots to talk about! I think my mum appreciated these visits as she became quite lonely in the months before she died.

Sorry,went before I finished! Things have ticked along until DIL and I had words last year- the first ever in our relationship.I'm not going into the reason here,it was to do with her parents,but DIL said she couldn't understand why everybody just couldn't get along and she just wanted everyone to be happy.(I did point out there were people she didn't get on with and life wasn't like that!).It took 6 months over lockdown to get back to our former relationship,and the result is I try and avoid meeting up with her parents now.They are good people,good grandparents,very proprietary in their ways,and different to us in their social habits,but it's better for me if I avoid mixing too much with them,and as they are always at my DIL's it can be difficult.I think my partner realised that there may be a clash at some point after the holiday.Its life though isn't it?

This is an interesting thread.I have 2 lovely DIL's,very different, both close to their parents,but the one treats her parents like her best friends.They really aren't people I could become bosom friends with,but my DIL throws us together at every opportunity,including a holiday abroad with then only GC.I wanted to go to and thought it would be an opportunity to all get on better,though my partner had reservations.It was fine on the whole but proved we were very different.We like a drink in moderation,but their whole holiday revolved around it,even my son said he was surprised how much his FIL drank.Whatever,that's how they want to live their lives.Things have tocked

My DM and MIL only saw each other at family occasions until my parents moved to our town and later retired . My DM liked to socialise and joined a few pensioners clubs encouraging MIL to go along with her . They both became great friends and it was difficult to catch them at home . I still miss them

Both of my daughters have really lovely in-laws. I tell them all the time how lucky they are, especially as I had the mother-in-law from hell!

My parents didn’t care for my on-laws. I can perfectly understand that, I didn’t either!

How weird. You are well out of that one.

My parents and inlaws, met only on our wedding day, they lived at opposite ends of the country, there really wasn't time to form any impressions of one another, anyway there was never any animosity, and I believe they exchanged xmas cards for a few years, so all very civilised.

My MiL and DM were from very different backgrounds but always got on really well at Christmas time and birthdays when they met which was lovely to see . We get on fine with our DSs iLs when we see them but don’t see a great deal of them . I suppose that’s the best way .

I got on ok with my DD’s MIL until our GS arrived. I live in the same housing complex as my DD, and see GS every day. MIL is so jealous, especially since Covid: she ignores social distancing rules, and claims not to understand why she can’t have GS visit. DD is expecting second GS in a few weeks, and MIL is already upset that she won’t be allowed to cuddle the baby. We no longer speak, and I’m ok with that.

We didn’t meet our eldest son’s former in laws until near the wedding! Our youngest son and his partner have been together seven years and we’ve never met her parents either! We’re sociable nice people I don’t get it!

My parents and in-laws lived at opposite ends of the country but always got on when they met.
My father-in-law said to me once, "I like your mum."
I agreed she was fond of them as well and how nice it was that they got on.
"No you misunderstand me," he said, "I mean I really like your mum. I mean I could have been your dad..." Could have been awkward!

Over the years it's evolved that first my mother-in-law, then my parents as well, have all come on holiday with us. That's worked really well.
Since my Mum died, my Dad (90) and mother-in-law (93) are often mistaken for a couple by taxi drivers and waiters. It amuses them both!

I never really thought much about this till. Ow. My dad liked my mil but knew she was difficult. But the so was I I suppose. But my mil was awful loved my dear Fil he was so nice. No they didn’t meet much and were very different people so it didn’t matter.

I don't get on with mil and her family. I glad she moved away.very controlling they are.as said sil died and they took over with sorting my d life out and burying sil ashes in their new garden..I said it's up to my d what she wants done with them.oh but he's my son. They sold his car too even though d was taking driving lessons.as of now idint know her new address or a phone number.they cut me off completely

My sisonn in law now sadly deceased at 37 with heart related issues. Told me that the letters in the word mother in law can also spell WOMAN HITLER.

Got on fine with my mother in law she lived in Egypt and didn’t speak English

My mother always felt that my MiL preferred my Dad to her. MiL could be a bit of a snob. We haven't seen DD's in laws since DGD's first birthday, admittedly we don't have much in common but there was never really a connection there.

My mil and Mum became best friends and met twice a week for coffee and a chat. Right up to my Mums passing, it was lovely

I've never had any problems with the "mother/mothers-in-laws" in my life, it was always the men but women get such a bad press imo., where are the father in law jokes, I'd like to know!

I think I had a wonderful mother. I thought my first mother in law was a very nice kind woman, we got on although she only spoke French and mine isn't great, we still managed to communicate. My second mother in law, was also really nice I think she had a lot of time for me because she said I was the only one in the family who bothered really listening to her.

On the other hand I had difficult relationship with my father. I didn't really like either of my 2 father in laws, both were really opinionated in their own way. Ex father in law rubbished the English pretty much most of the time, who in his words were "double faced" no generalisations there worst of all he droned on and on about English food, apropos of living in London for a while in the 1950s and hadn't been back since. Post war was a drab time anyway for everything. He always took delight in reliably informing both me and his son "The English boil everything even the meat" cuisine like everything else had moved on a lot by the late 1970s but he was forever mentally stuck in a Brown Windsor Soup time warp. My ex even told him to "shut up" occasionally, with a "you don't know what you are talking about" Then blow me down when I married again, I got the reverse from English father in law disparaging the French, who he hated with a passion, in spite of never taking his stupid self there, or anywhere else for that matter apart from Ireland and Scotland. He also came out with all manner of rubbish such as when he and my husband were playing golf down on the south coast allegedly he'd look across the channel and say "civilization ends here" to which my husband retorted, "no it's starts over there and you're talking rubbish as usual" when our children were young we took them to France all the time, which seemed to annoy him. I also have family there. I'm glad he and my father never met, my father was quite ill by then. They would have had absolutely nothing in common. We went off and got married quietly and told both sets of parents afterwards, just as well because my very catholic father couldn't get his head round his daughter getting a divorce my mother was a bit sad about that, but was far more accepting and a later stage told me although she liked both my husbands, admitted to really, really liking my 2nd, more than my first which pleased me as I regarded her as a good judge of character.

I’ve been married twice and my Mum disliked both of my MIL’s. My sister has also been married twice, only one MIL tho and Mum disliked her. My 2 brothers both had MIL’s and they weren’t liked either ..... ?