Age Gap Relationships

I don’t think age gaps matter. Look at how many same age couples don’t get on and split up! What annoys me is that it’s still ‘not right’ for many people if the woman is older.

There`s 9 months between dh and myself,i`m the older as he loves pointing that out.

My MIL and FIL had a matchmake courtship. They were married within six weeks arranged by family. There was a fifteen years difference in age and they had one child my husband. I would not say it was a happy marriage they were like chalk and cheese. My MIL made the best of it my FIL was a miserable selfish sod.

My DH is 5 years younger than me, my mother was 2 years younger than my father, my Aunt was 8 years younger than my uncle. One day we were all out for a meal and my mother got the giggles. Eventually she was able to tell us that she found it hilarious as we were all with our Toy Boys! Does age matter? Not a jot as long as you are happy.

Fanny, it's a bit of a long story, it always is with me!.

When I was eighteen and at university I got a job in a social club. My mother didn't approve of me going to university, so I had to fund it myself.
My husband's father used to come in to the club with his friends, there were about twenty of them in the group, who played dominoes and put the world to rights.
They kind of took me under their wing and were always very kind to me, as I was rather shy at the beginning and would blush at all the banter.
However, my husband always managed to get in the last word very unusual for me and I got more and more infuriated with him. (I still do). I loved the conversations, he was so witty, but pretented to be quite ingenuous.
He would tease me about being at university and being so much smarter than him, behaving as if he knew nothing about university life. I had no idea what his job was.

Roll on two years later and I was head barmaid and more than able to deal with all the carry on. My FIL and his cronies used to wait for me to lock up and set the alarm and would walk me along the road. They were very protective, but my MIL thought my FIL was walking the barmaid home! A bit of a misunderstanding to say the least.
In the end, my FIL became like a father to me.

Then one day, I saw him on his way home from work, wearing a suit and I thought WOW! I had never really paid any attention to how my husband looked. It was his brain I was interested in! .
I had never seen anyone so handsome and I remember thinking, "I'm going to marry you, whatever it takes I realised that I actually enjoyed all the sparring with him and trying to get the better of him.

For six months I pined for him. I used to see him at the bus stop on my way to uni, he was on his way to work. I always played it very cool, as did he. I had eventually given up on him, when he asked me out. I said No!, as I was going to a joint birthday party and couldn't let my friend down.
He got off the same train my friend and I were catching to go to the party and my friend could see why I was in love! At least he knew I really was going out with a friend.

I did accept the second invitation and we went out for the first time on 19th November 1975. It was a beautiful, frosty starry night and I knew then he really was the one. ?
Shame it was downhill after that! ?

In the end, on our first date, I found out that he had been playing me along. He had attended the same university and was doing another degree at night, as well as his job in local government. That's why he wasn't always about. I do like brainy men!
He later told me he had been trying to pluck up courage for months to ask me out, but someone else had told him that they were going to ask me out, so he stood back! I sound like a hussy, I was not!

We were married only six weeks, before I ended up in ICU for six weeks. He has stuck by me through all the ill health that has plagued my life, he got much more than he bargained for. I would be lost without him. (Don't tell him that, he has turned into a grumpy old man, but he is my grumpy old man!)

I don't think it matters about any age gap, as long as the couple are happy with each other.
Look at Barbara Windsor and her husband - large age gap but they stayed together until very near the end and he had taken care of her all through her dementia until very near the end. That's love.

Mary it sounds like your son in law is a very fortunate man.
I love that you immediately fell for your husband and knew that you wanted to marry him.
What was it that made you so smitten and so sure, do you think?
(I'm now reminded of the story of when Orlin met Laura, now there's a tale!)

My husband is five years older than me and age has never been a problem, boys my age were too immature for me. I was twenty two when I married him and it was love at first sight. I decided I would marry him, the first time I saw him, but he was totally oblivious. I had actually given up hope, when he eventually asked me out! Engaged within three months and married a year later!

My mother married my father when she was thirty four there was a twelve year age gap between them. The gap became more obvious when my father's health deteriorated and her life was devoted to nursing him. She became a very unhappy and resentful, as my father had insisted that she gave up her career as a midwifery sister when the married, a job she loved. My father had very Victorian views as a husband and father and my mother became old before her time. .

History repeated itself when my thirty six year old daughter married her thirteen years older husband in our garden this summer. They were so disappointed and upset, when their wedding was cancelled for the day after lockdown.
Initially my daughter was afraid we would disapprove, due to the age gap, but my SIL has been the best thing that ever happened to her and us. Better to have a few years of happiness, than none at all!
I don't know how I would have got through shielding, without their support. We love him like our own son.

Their is a lovely love story. They both work for the same company and had liked each other for ages, but kept their feelings quiet.
My daughter looks about ten, so my SIL assumed she was very young and it wasn't appropriate to ask her out. An honourable man.
It was only when he found out her real age, that he plucked up courage asked her out.
They are very much in love, in fact I'm quite envious!?

Thankyou Fanny??

Aah, thank you Laura

Dorsetcupcake61

I suppose in some ways I'm a romantic. I think if it's true love and a genuine connection you will overcome any issues that may arise with an age gap in either direction!

I agree with you there Dorsetcupcake - and I love your username, you sound delicious!

Gosh FannyC have you only been here since September, it does seem like forever, but in a good way.

It's fascinating what 'makes' a relationship isn't it?
It must boil down to similar expectations more than anything, I think.

I suppose in some ways I'm a romantic. I think if it's true love and a genuine connection you will overcome any issues that may arise with an age gap in either direction!

My Nan and Grandad had a 12 year gap. (She is now 94 - I think ) They got together towards the end of the war. She was 18 and he was 30, which may have been a bit controversial at the time, I'm not sure... I always think that it sounds very romantic and passionate.

So far DH and I (bar Percy & Joan) have got the biggest gap, at 26 years.
I recall that when I first joined GN (in September - seems like I've been here forever!) a poster mentioned that her husband was a similar number of years her junior.

My DH is 1 year older than me and we will have been married for 56 years this year. Lots of common memories and experiences of growing up in the 1950s and 60s and both born in WW2. Both born and bred in Yorkshire with similar family backgrounds. We share a similar northern accent.

My elder brother married at 23 a lady aged 31 from Wales and my parents always thought she was a baby snatcher desperate to find someone to marry her! She was a good friend to me and I always liked her but she and my brother never seemed to quite gel in the way my DH and I did/do. Not sure if it was the age difference or completely different background.

I have a theory which paddyanne has just squashed that it's to do with position in the family.

My older DS married a younger man, I married an older man and the youngest DB married an older woman.
Only a year or two but when you are young it makes a difference.

I know 2 couples who have enormous age gaps. In one he is old enough to be her DGP and she has just had a baby. They seem happy.
In another the woman is in her 50s with a man of 25. Society is more disapproving of them than the former.

My OH is two years older. My son’s partner is 8 years older. Mum’s second OH after dad died was 12 years younger. My brother is 15 years older than his third wife. It all seems to work!

My husband is 6 years older than me. One of my daughters has been married for 20 years to a man 18 years older than her. Not been an easy ride for her in any way but they have survived(just).

My ex husband was 15 years older than me. It didnt seem much of a problem as we had similar views sense of humour etc. At times it did feel odd when thought about him marrying his first wife when I had barely started school! We divorced but the age gap wasnt a factor. I must admit I'm sometimes quite relieved im now not married to a man in his 70s. Maybe I would have felt differently if we had aged together. Perhaps the age gaps are only more noticeable/problematical when at different ends of age spectrum?

Thank you for so many lovely replies, and only a couple of negative experiences.
LucyLocket and Sara - Percy Gibson is at least 30 years younger than Joan - not a mere 15! She is 87 and he is around 56.

My first big mistake of a husband was five years older than me it was an extremely unpleasant ten years.
My husband now is also five years older than me. We have been happily married for twenty five years in September and it has flown beyond belief.

DH is 5 older than me so this was good as it meant we would get out pensions together. All this changed of course with pension age changing so now I have to work for another 6 years while he is at home, watching daytime TV, walking the dog an not doing any housework.

My OH is 13 years younger than me and were have been together almost 17 years now. It's been really good. I had a relationship with someone 19 years younger than me when I was 38 for about 4 years and was fun while it lasted. We're still friends now.