Help me be a good Granny!

You have lots of great advice here already. I was a long distance Grandma, but I think I understand your query.

Keeping quiet is a must, give advice only when asked ( unless you see your Grandchild is in danger)

My goodness things have changed since my elder daughter was born nearly 40 years ago, so the changes may be a bit of a surprise.

I am now living 2 miles from my Grandchild after most of her life 400 miles away. Things have changed dramatically as my daughter and her husband are fostering two teenage children. I am about to have three grandchildren.

Lots of lovely advice. You know your own DD so stick to the things you know she won't mind. If had cooked meals for my Dil she would have regarded it as criticism. Just let the parents decide and do what they ask you to. Practice deep breathing for when you feel you just have to tell them they're doing something wrong and say nothing

Lots of good advice here. All I will say is just enjoy your precious grandchild and be there when you are needed

Be guided by the parents just let them know you are their if needed. Some nice meals for freezer was appreciated by mine or watch baby while they have some alone time .Enjoy this next chapter of your life .

Congratulations! I became a granny for the first time 5 months ago. The advice I received was "Keep your mouth shut and your purse open". I think I overdid the second bit. When a little girl was born into my family of men I went overboard choosing and buying lots of little outfits for her. I think my DiL might have found it a bit creepy! Thank goodness I've calmed down now.
I try to focus on the parents as individuals more too. It's not all about the baby!

The occasional bag of upmarket food seems to give them a lift, especially if it's easy to prepare.

My son and DiL are both control freaks. I think any unauthorised cushion plumping would be taken as criticism. (That lets lazy me off the hook)

Good luck! I'm sure you will be a great help to the little family.

Great advice here - as always !
My DS and DIL also live locally and although wanting to be involved from the moment my GD was born I waited to be invited.
Took roughly 48 hours !!
I prepared meals, sat there while Mum had a bath and/ or a nap, did the washing, listened to her without saying a word no matter what I was actually thinking. Never give advice unless requested !!!!
Really is the No. 1 rule.

Gorgeous GD is now 2 going on 12 and our relationship is a total joy, plus the fact my lovely DIL and I are as close as ever.

You have received such a lot of good advice above. Only you know your relationship with your daughter, and in general, it is so much easier with daughters than daughters in law!

Home cooked meals for the freezer I don't think would ever be wrong (unless you are a terrible cook, in which case order some in!) Other than that wait for your daughter to ask for help, and don't say 'no' no matter how bizarre the request, at least at first! Don't ever pick the baby up without asking first, and preferably wait to be offered a cuddle each time.

You have a wonderful time ahead of you. We have GC No 8 due next month, our eldest is 15, so we are learning all the time.

Think back to when you had babies. There would have been things that you appreciated and things that annoyed you. Be guided by your own experiences.

Congratulations!

My rule no..1 is never give advice unless asked for it!

I tell new parents that it is my intention to never to say "in my day we did such-and-such, but that I am happy to give an opinion or advice when I am asked for it."

Saying this in the early days saves a lot of trouble, I find.

In extension of this, I try not just to do things, but to ask, "would you like me to do the washing-up? or change the baby? or whatever is applicable.

Or say, if you like I could do the hoovering, sort the washing etc.

When her maternity leave is near its end, discuss with her what routine she would like you to keep to when you are looking after the little one, and try to keep to it.

It doesn't sound to me as if you will have any difficulties, but that may of course depend on what books on raising babies your daughter has been reading.

I had to bite my tongue very hard not to comment on keeping a child in nappies until he was nearly three and a half!

Intentioned! Grammar mistakes galore today ?

I’ve become a grandma twice in last 18 months, first my son then my daughter.
Two amazing granddaughters!

The dynamics are completely different depending on which child it is.

What I found is how different the advice they receive is from when I had mine. Try not to disagree with new advice even if you think it’s bonkers!

We childmind ours sons daughter one day a week which is fabulous as she loves our garden and being with grandpa. I’ll miss this when I go back to work after lockdown. My daughter lives 1.5 hours away but calls regularly. We have grown closer since she had her daughter and regularly asks my advice which is great. She is an amazing mum and I tell her all the time.

What I would say is don’t let them take advantage, it is wonderful having time with your grandchildren but look after yourself too as it’s exhausting once they’re mobile!

Last thought is how you feel when you see that baby for the first time as I found it overwhelming. The love you feel is the same as when you have you own children, sounds obvious but it still takes you by surprise! Hope all goes well and enjoy every moment

I agree with Hithere as things have changed so much since we had children. Totally agree with the provide a meal suggestions . I also took M and S type meals as they last in the fridge for longer and can be heated as needed.

Do not offer unsolicited advice, no matter how well intention it is.

My DD and SIL insisted that they would cope after the birth of my granddaughter until they realized how exhausting it all was. I was happy to help when they asked and even spent a night on their sofa to do the middle of the night feeds so that they could have a full nights sleep. I had the little one at my house overnight as soon as they were ready for that to happen.
Just take it as it goes and enjoy your time with the little one

I cooked many different meals and put them in microwavable containers for my DS and DIL to keep in the freezer. I also did potatoes, rice, pasta etc so they all they had to do was put everything in the microwave and they had a complete meal each day. My DIL said they couldn't have got through the first few weeks without them so I was really pleased to have been able to do something useful. It can be hard to know what will really help sometimes especially when new mum and dad don't want to be a nuisance (as if!) and probably don't even really know themselves what they need!

I’ve done this! Just take it day by day and let your DD settle into her new life gradually. Ask her what type of help she would like and be guided by her.
Another point has been raised which is more long term about childcare for a DD to go back to work. You’ve been wisely advised to think carefully but there are many positive aspects to this. I’ve done it and have only stopped because of the pandemic. It is wonderful and I would thoroughly recommend it. Consider the circumstances and start on a trial basis if you decide to go ahead.

I can tell by your post that you have exactly the right attitude, you can’t go wrong if what you do is for them not for you.

How often to visit: as a pp said, wait to be invited.

The parents' sense of time is not the same as yours - a week for them may look like a day vs 2 weeks for you

Social media: ask the parents if they are ok with you sharing pictures in your sm. Privacy is a big thing with some parents.

I'd certainly agree with the asking how you can help at the beginning, when bub is tiny. Just having a cup of tea made for you, someone prepare lunch or an evening meal, or even having someone there while you grab a shower is such a help.
As the baby gets older, offering to babysit and at some point, shoving your DD out of the door so they can go out for a meal and some time together.
The main thing is to offer help and even advice - but only when asked for it and support, don't question any decisions that DD and her OH make about how they decide to bring up their child from discipline, to feeding , to later on choice of school etc even if you think that they are wrong!

Still Medusa, it sounds as if you'll be a wonderful granny as you say you won't intetfere. I think that's the most important thing- only give advice if it's asked for.

Congratulations! I agree with the previous posts. Be guided by your daughter and her partner. Let them know you’re there for them but tell them you’ll wait for them to ask / invite. That’s what I’ve always done with my DD & SIL. I have two gorgeous grandsons, now aged 11 & 13, who I have a brilliant relationship with. As they got older I’d have them to stay in school holidays etc but I never forced myself on the family. Remember, the baby is your daughters! As others have said, if you take this approach, you’ll reap the rewards of a wonderful relationship with your grandchild - a relationship so special it’s not like any other. Enjoy!

A lovely time, but tread carefully. A first baby is a real game changer for a young couple. They need time on their own to adjust. Hithere and others have good advice. Tell them you are there for whatever they think you can help with - meals, shopping, laundry, especially ironing - and wait for them to ask - they surely will. You have such joy ahead of you as a gran!

About taking the baby for a walk got an hour or a night a week so parents can sleep. - some parents will like it, others will hate it.

The baby needs the primary caregivers, a night weekly with grandma makes me lift my eyebrow and wonder what the real motivation for this is.

The instincts of a mother is to have her baby close to her - sussgesting to remove baby from the mother's presence may have a strong reaction

New mums need cook cleaner and bottlewasher so to speak whilst they get over the birth and bond with baby and time to have a sleep knowing someone reliable and loving is minding the baby whilst she and hubby/ partner have a sleep if they have been awake all night with the baby...

Hi I always remember when I had my oldest son. My mum did that much for me. In fact it got to the stage where she wouldn’t let me near my own son. My now ex husband was away with military. When he came home. It was a nightmare when we came to move out. I made sure I didn’t do that with my grandkids. My advise would be ask them if they need any help and take baby one day a week so that they get a night rest.