Friend’s 2 yr old grandson causing her concern.

What is he eating? Food intolerances can cause many issues, especially sugars and carbohydrates. They can exacerbate behavioural issues. I would look into this too. There is a YouTube film called ‘The Magic Pill’. It is well worth watching. I wish I had known this when my son was younger! Good luck.

My baby sister was born when I was 4 years old - I have no idea how my mother handled it, but when she arrived she was MY baby. I held her in the taxi on the way back from the hospital and was always very protective of her. Not sure if or why different sex siblings might be different. My husband is 15 months younger than his brother - same experience as me, his brother took on ownership of the new baby.

I agree that he has to be told, firmly, that hitting anyone is unacceptable.

Give him loads of attention and cuddles when he's being good - especially when baby's asleep. Encourage everyone to do the same. Relatives often fuss over the baby, which doesn't help!

Don't ever reward bad behaviour and keep baby protected whenever possible.

Stay positive, friendly, relaxed and good humoured (if you can manage it) while he adjusts to his new circumstances - as he's going through a big change in his little life and he's still a baby himself.

I fully agree with Jol1960. Giving positive attention to a badly behaved child gives mixed messages, and they learn bad behaviour earns them good attention. I've seen this go very wrong, not at all a pleasant outcome for the younger sibling. They need to be taught, abuse for attention is never right, regardless of whether its Jealousy or otherwise. Children grow and they up their game. They learn how to manipulate. It can be the cause of a lot of resentment & anger in the younger siblings. If it doesn't, you've been lucky, but I've seen the outcome of this. I.m not talking punishments here regarding the older sibling, but firm boundaries & age appropriate consequences, it's never okay to hurt a baby, regardless of age.

This is not uncommon. My eldest put a pillow over our babies face while we were saying goodbye to friends. Thankfully we got there in time.

My son used to bite as a toddler. Eventually, he grew out of it before he went to nursery. He was the youngest of 2 children. Is it possible to get another pushchair with the seats one behind the other? At the age of just over 2 my daughter walked as did my son. My daughter wore a safety harness with reins and my son worn a wrist rein. They seem to have gone out of fashion.

Lockdown doesn't exactly help either, I would imagine.

Fuss the toddler. He is feeling pushed out. The baby won't remember all the fuss but the toddler WILL remember how his nose was pushed out. I am speaking from experience. My mother, the hateful bitch, said I was jealous of my sister, but my uncle and my dad said that my mum used to push me away when I demanded her attention. Even now at 67 I have feelings of anger against my mum and a very difficult relationship with my sister, so fuss the toddler.

If you think about it, when a new baby is brought into the home it’s a bit like your partner bringing in a new person and saying don’t worry, I still love you as well! Patience, extra time and lots of love and he’ll come through it. My eldest would hold the baby’s hand, squeezing until knuckles were white and declare , ‘I love my baby’.

I always feel that the 2 year gap is a really difficult one and am never sure why people aim for it. I had 4.5 years between my two boys and never any problems between them as the older was definitely not a baby by then and had his own life at school etc. I think the other thing to beware of is guilt tripping the older one (he’s your brother you should love him). My parents did this to me about my younger sister and I loathed her till we were adults. I always allowed my older son to express negative feelings about his brother - which he didn’t very often!

I wonder if the two year old appreciates that he is hurting the baby. When I was little, the same age daughter of my mother’s friend would bite me really hard. Her mother’s response was to bite the child so that she experienced the hurt she was inflicting. It is extreme, I know, and certainly not appropriate today but I do wonder how the experience of pain can be conveyed to a child who has not the vocabulary to explain it.

I agree Gwyneth,i would be very concerned.
The parents shouldn`t turn their backs for a second.

At about 2, my DS became annoyed with any babies as he felt they were being very silly in not being able to do things - he'd try to tell them but it didn't work well.
Luckily, he only saw babies at playgroup so we changed to another group which only took over-2s.

I agree with the suggestion that the Gran should give most of her attention to the toddler, not the baby.

I think it's unfair to label the toddler as jealous. He's had his world completely changed and doesn't understand why.

Could the GM take the baby out and leave the toddler with his parent or GM babysit and mother takes the two year old out who could give him undivided attention for the while explaining she is doing this as a reward as she knows he is going to be a great big brother, be kind and help Mummy too. Also telling him he will get to do special things with Mummy but he has to help look after the baby.He needs to know he matters (not implying he doesn't) and sometimes it is through being given extra attention.

Can the side by side buggy be re-assembled so one child is in front of the other? Or exchanged for one that is assembled that way.

The only thing to be done is to minimise the older child's chances of touching the baby.

This behaviour is certainly caused by jealousy and those who say scolding the older child will make things worse, are probably right.

However, somehow the toddler has to be brought to realise that he must not behave like this. It is far too dangerous.

In an ideal world there would always be an adult with each child, but we do not live in an ideal world, so preventing physical contact between the two children is the only possibility I can see.

should read * 13mth old 'older brother'.

When I had my youngest, I'm afraid that she spent the time 'in between feeds' in a carry cot - out of reach - to keep her as far as possible from her 13mth old 'old brother'. He was barely more than a baby himself, and used to scream 'MINE mummy!' to let the baby know that I belonged to HIM and not her .

This little boy of only 2 not only has a new baby disrupting his life but is also 'sent away' to nursery knowing that the new baby is with 'his' mummy. It's a lot for him to deal with. He is too young to understand his emotions and is lashing out. Keep involving him - bringing a clean nappy, listening out for the baby monitor etc. Let him know that when he is at nursery you are washing up, making beds, vacuuming etc - don't mention the new baby but stress he is having more fun at nursery while you clean the house. Good luck!!

My son was born on his sister’s 2nd birthday (and their grandmother’s). I don’t remember any hitting but my daughter always wanted something as soon as I started feeding. However it wasn’t too long before she was checking I was doing all the right things with her baby brother! When I was expecting son 1, I bought a book about a new baby coming into the family and it was fortunate that lots of my friends were having babies too. By the time son 2 arrived, it was a piece of cake!

I am concerned that the baby, the pre-verbal child is suffering possible psychological damage. The older child is being rewarded for bullying.
I would be inclined to, immediately an incident has happened,
to take the older boy and hold his arms firmly by his sides and in my sternest voice say "NO, we do not hit babies, Do you understand? Now you must very gently say "sorry" to your little brother. He needs to feel safe when big boys are around. When you have done that we can have a cuddle.
Boundaries are very important and the earlier they are understood the easier life becomes. This may not be fashionable advice but I have seen children who have not been offered boundaries and always asked to choose what they want to do to find all those decisions exhausting and overwhelming.

I feel for these poor parents and gran, however there is a huge difference between ensuring that the elder child still has time with his parents and rewarding his behaviour. If the baby was an animal no one would suggest ignoring this behaviour. I feel strongly that the 2yr old boy needs to know his behaviour is unacceptable, not in an angry way but firmly and kindly using his level of understanding. Distraction only works if it is used before the scratching etc happens otherwise it is confirming to him that scratching brother gets a nice reward; the opposite of the hoped for reaction.

Is the ‘lot of attention’ actually rewarding his behaviour. Nursery will have experienced this before - they may be able to offer suggestions

I haven't really got any "words of wisdom" to impart that haven't been shared already but, my second daughter was born 16 months after the first. When the eldest came in to the hospital to meet her sister for the first time, her first words were " Cassy go back"!!!
Says it all really.

We had a GC like that. Couldn't be left alone with baby sister or cousins. When he was about 7 he took a flying leap and landed feet first on my stomach when I was lying on the lawn. His parents gave him lots of one to one time which he lapped up and it seemed to make him worse as he got more attention if he behaved badly. He has improved, thank goodness but I can't say I am that keen on him!

When my daughter's little girl was born her boy was 3 years old. She had spent a lot of time during the pregnancy talking to him about 'his baby', note the 'his'. This baby was coming to keep him company and play with him. And you can help her learn about the world and help me look after her.
From the day she was born he took ownership, willingly and protectively. Whenever I visited I would greet him and then ask him where his sister was and could I see her, which he was happy to do.
Their relationship is the closest brother and sister I have ever seen. He would move heaven and earth to protect her. She is now 23 and he is 26. They both have loves of their own but the love for each other has not stopped. I am very proud of them and their mother.