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Feeling excluded because of local demographic

(10 Posts)
Beswitched Fri 26-Mar-21 17:02:25

2 friends of mine have recently downsized, one to an apartment and one to a small house. Both are on new estates with a large cohort of young people with small children.

Both now regret the move because they feel they don't fit in and that the younger people act as if they own the place and don't need to show any consideration for people in different circumstances. Complaints by non parents or older residents on the local Facebook page about noisy children are dismissed rudely or the complainant is told to 'move to a house in the middle of nowhere' if they don't want to listen to football on the road late at night or kids screaming and shouting until all hours etc.

One of them told me she feels bullied by some of the young parents and was reduced to tears after an altercation about kids swinging on her gate and shouting and roaring at half ten at night. Basically the kids gave their parents a less than truthful account of what had been said and the parents refused to listen to my friend's version and have been making unpleasant remarks on Facebook about 'not appreciating' the way their children are being spoken to by other residents. . She's now had enough and is thinking of moving.

I have a lot of sympathy. But I also remember my mum saying that when she and dad moved, as a young couple with small children, into a road full of retired people she felt she was constantly having to apologise for noise in the garden, hopscotch charts on the pavement etc.

But I don't think she had to put up with some of the overt rudeness that my friends have experienced.

Do modern estates become taken over by what suits the younger majority living there?

Blossoming Fri 26-Mar-21 17:38:24

We live somewhere where there are very few children, I think being next to a deep tidal river puts them off. I’m more tolerant of noise from children than Mr. B, but it’s only on summer days when people visit the marina that we here children playing on the green next to the bridge. That hasn’t happened recently due to Covid. Cheeky children swinging on the gate sounds like provocation and not something I’d want to put up with.

Blossoming Fri 26-Mar-21 17:39:01

Hear, not here 😊

lemongrove Fri 26-Mar-21 17:56:43

Where I live it was just a small gathering of generally older people ( just that they liked it so much they had brought up their families here and just stayed a long time) when we moved in ten years ago, so age range 50-80’s but all very active.Within the last three years we now have three younger families who chose to buy a house here and we love to hear the children playing out on their little trikes. It’s added to the area and they all wave to us if we are in the front garden.
That’s well behaved children mind you, and not at 10.30 at night of course.We don’t live on an estate either.
If I was your friend(s) OP then I wouldn’t engage in any arguments with anyone, just think hard about what I needed and perhaps sell up.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 26-Mar-21 18:08:42

It doesn’t just happen if you live on estate, we live in a small village, the lady next door died and a developer bought her small bungalow, knocked it down and built a 6 bed house, our other side neighbour died last year and a developer has bought that, the chap over the back of us knocked down the bungalow and has built a mini ‘South Fork’ all of these families have children amongst the rest of the (mostly retired) village. It stands to reason that a multi roomed house probably won’t be for a retired couple.
One of the families has go carting as a hobby and drives around the paddocks all weekends, another family has a budding Ringo Starr who plays in a downstairs room with the French doors open.
At the moment we have DD and her dog living with us, the dog barks at pigeons, all day if I let her.
So much for peaceful country living! But honestly what can you do?

GagaJo Fri 26-Mar-21 18:31:34

If you live in a neighbourhood for a long time, the way my mother has (over 35 years) the age group living there ebbs and flows. When mum moved there, when I was an older teenager and just flying the nest, things were a bit loud, with families with teenage children around.

Ten years on and the teenagers had moved on, a few families had moved out, and it was younger families with prams and babies. Another few years and those babies were pubescent and loudly playing out, with bikes etc. One particular boy was a nightmare. His mum would frequently be bellowing at him.

Few more years, back to teenagers. And on... the cycle continues.

Similar on my street. When I moved in 10 years ago, it was all elderly people. Now, the majority of the houses have young families, much to the irritation of the few older people left.

eazybee Fri 26-Mar-21 18:46:10

We campaigned for years to have a new school in the village where I lived, and it was finally granted because a new estate of family houses was being built. When the residents moved in they were mainly retired people from London, come to live in the peace ans quiet of the countryside, and they objected very strongly to families with children, even coming to the school and demanding that the Headmaster tell the children they were not allowed to play outside.

Beswitched Fri 26-Mar-21 19:01:47

I think it's the feeling of not being part of the gang that upsets my friends. The one considering moving always adored children, sadly couldn't have any of her own and now feels very hurt at being dismissed as some cranky woman who hates children when she just asked some kids to stop swinging on her gate and shouting late at night and play on the green nearby.
Their father told her she chose to live near a green and it was like someone buying a house beside a zoo and complaining about the noise of the animals!

Peasblossom Fri 26-Mar-21 20:46:54

After one particularly trying day I remember telling my husband that I was glad we didn’t live next door to us😬

grandma60 Fri 26-Mar-21 21:12:37

We have lived on our estate for nearly 40 years and brought up our children here. It was mostly young families who were friendly and supportive to each other.
Now we are looking to move. The road where we live looks like a rubbish tip and the neighbours on both sides play loud music and have visitors throughout lockdowns. They have concreted over the garden ready for summer barbecues. We are dreading summer weekends.