How can I get over myself..

Promising conversation with your partner, Polarbear2. But still, you’re not married and beware how kind words can be blown apart by avarice of others... a solicitor may be able to help you see things from other perspectives. Do think of yourself a bit more, in the cold light of ‘should the worst happen’.

Is there a big age gap between you and your partner? Is that why a life interest would rankle with his adult children?
Has he made any. provision for you on his will at all? Does he think that as you own your he home, you are adequately provided for?

If you are not married, then as you know, you have no right to make a claim for reasonable provision to be made under current law, although this may change in the future with more and more people in long term unmarried relationships

If you were married to each other, then even if the property passes to his children, you would still be entitled to reasonable provision from his estate.
It is slightly worrying that your daughter is also exposed if you need to move back in to your own house or if as you suggest you sell both and buy one house together.
Does your daughter know about this risk to her. What's her back up plan? You don't want to risk alienating everyone, but a compromise does need to be found otherwise it may be a source of stress in retirement.

I got the impression from CAB that if a partner lives with someone for 2 years and has no where else to live when the partner dies they have a right to make a claim to that property. Perhaps this would not apply as you own a house. Are you in his Will though? Has he got a Will? Is he providing for you if he passes away?

Because his children won’t accept that. They don’t engage with me. I wasn’t the cause of his divorce, and they aren’t unpleasant, but they aren’t friendly either. They are quite an avaricious family.

But it has nothing to do with them.

They’ll get their money eventually, as that’s all they seem to care about

Is your OH expecting you to financially contribute to the building of the extension,you say you pay your way, are you paying towards the mortgage of this house. If so then he should make provision for you ,if not than I would just let it be. You have your own house to go to or to sell and buy another one should you have to leave this one so your future is safe,but if you are investing money in the property it's only fair that is taken into account

Goodness! What a headache. Can his Will be altered to make sure you can live there whilst you are alive. His children can inherit after that. Because you are so fond of him losing him will be a terrible blow; if you have to leave the house on top of that it will cause even more angst. If you move back to your house how will that affect your daughter? If she has a family things may become very difficult. I don't think you need that on top of the other things - it sounds overwhelming.

Milliedog

It's a horrible situation to be in. But you know the worst thing? There is no real commitment in your relationship. You are living together but that's all. Commitment means making vows in public to say that you 'forsake all others'. You might love each other but there is no security for either of you. In spite of the years you have spent together, you might decide you prefer your own home, so might he. A very wise man was once asked for relationship advice by a couple who were living together. Having listened to their problems, he asked the man "Why haven't you got married? Are you waiting for someone better to come along?" That's a question that needs to be asked.

Commitment is overrated, in my opinion. Look how many Gransnetters are living in misery because they made a commitment to live with someone who turned out to be a nightmare. Live, love, and move on when the relationship has run its course. Marriage is a wonderful institution when it works, but it’s not the solution to problems, and it can be ruinous to escape when it doesn’t work.

So glad you have had the discussion that perhaps both of you needed to share your inner feelings. Wishing you the best of luck for the future in all your “joint” adventures.
I’m sure you’ve had enough advice to last you well into your twilight years ?

Oh my goodness that first sentence sounds so romantic! It’s a lovely thought for a sunny day. ??

He has taken you into his life and home because he loves you and wants you to share his life. I would embrace this and have input into making it a home for both of you. It is only bricks and mortar at the end of the day and the important thing is that you have someone who really loves you. I can understand him leaving the house to his daughter after all you still have your home to leave to your daughter at some point in the future. I would stop worrying about what might happen (life is too short) and enjoy now, choose things you like and have some input, it will make you feel better.

Why not have an agreement that if he dies before you, you get to live in your shared home and when you go, it passes on to his kids?

We bought our house when we were young. The mortgage was based on both our salaries, we both contributed to the mortgage and upkeep of the house. We no longer have a mortgage, but we still jointly contribute to the upkeep of it. Our will states that anything we leave on death will be shared equally between our children. If my husband goes first, I will still uphold this agreement and would hope he will do the same. As a family we all went without things to pay for this house, our children deserve to inherit, we have a really good relationship with them and they have been supportive to us during health issues as we have aged. If I go first I don't expect my husband to live the rest of his life alone but neither do I expect our children to be forgotten in our original agreement. If the house needs to he sold in order for treatment in old age that is a different thing.

Well, it does sound as if you haven’t actually sat down with a cuppa or a glass of wine, and had this conversation, I get the feeling from his reactions that he’s unaware of how you feel. Be careful not to sound as if you think he’s wrong to leave the house for his children, you don’t. He just need to understand how it’s difficult for you to put your own personal touch on something you could lose sometime soon......although we hope not! Would it be feasible to discuss talking to the solicitor who drew up your wills, he could put a codicil in that you can stay in the house until you die, it will then revert to his children? I hope it all sorts itself out. Xx

Why does this adult children need to know what is in his Will? A Will is private

yes that's a point, if in the worse case scenario he needed long term care does he have enough assets to pay for this, without selling the house.
it is often well over £1200 a week.
i believe if you were married, you could not be put out to sell the house to pay for the care. maybe they put a charge against it.
but you are not married.
and if the money was gobbled up like that the children would still be gnashing their teeth.
by the way, why are you not married.
what do you men he asked how much you would need to live well. do you mean he is going to start paying you now, or leave in his will.

Can you make a proviso that you live in the house for your lifetime, then it passes to his children?

It may also.not only be a question of who dies first ..imagine if he had to go into a home ..would the children expect you to leave? Could hepay for a professional.interior designer/ decorator ..?.And I' m afraid I personally would be concentrating on refreshing and upgrading my own property rather than one I didn't own.

Gosh what dreadful children they sound! I feel any inheritance is a bonus , a gift - not a right. If they’re behaving so greedily and difficult now, just imagine how they’re likely to behave if their father predeceases you. They’ll have the For Sale sign up before the funeral ?.

He should make a will where you can stay in the house till you did and then it goes to the kids otherwise you are not protected and he has a cheek expecting you to maintain a house you are not entitled to. He wants the best of both worlds.

Sorry...be extremely unsettled but u must take care of u too ..

Hello there.
My situation is My partner has his own mortgage home...I own a flat out right after splitting up with Husband.I have moved in and once I sell the flat I will buy into his house although I will own a smaller percentage...we will go to a solicitor ..if either one of us dies the other will stay in the house until they die or go into a home then the house will be sold.We both have children.
You must feel extremely u settled but u h e to take care of you too ?

Thanks. Just to be clear. I’ve never said I want his house. It’s his and very right it goes to his children. It’s how I come to terms with living as a ‘lodger’ while still finding some engagement with the upkeep I was struggling with. Some good advice on here has helped greatly and helped clear my mind as to future.

That's great news Polarbear and just goes to show important it is to broach these difficult subjects.

It seems then it isn’t really about the house at all but you feeling valued. You seem to have a pretty accurate assessment of the situation but are a bit unsure of your place. Like someone else, I think your OH is trying to give you a chance to make the house your own. Unless he actually wants to build the extension himself it shouldn’t take too long and you would be able to make it feel like your home without having to contribute financially at all - that’s the advantage of it being his home! I agree - with the minority it seems - that any future partner would not get any share of my children’s inheritance. Presumably any subsequent partner would have their own arrangements for their children, just have you have a (second) home which is benefitting your daughter, but there is no question that she is ‘avaricious’. In your place I’d prepare for a stormy discussion with his children, they have a point. No doubt they think your DD will inherit your house so why should they not inherit their DF’s house? You could always move into your home if OH predeceases you and your DD will still inherit it. On the other hand, if you help redesign his house how you want it you might both live there happily for many years. I’d have that financial discussion with OH first - I’d agree to share any costs that you living there increases, eg utilities and food, but nothing else. If you contribute to decorating, gardening etc he should agree that that has a value as, it seems, he is perfectly happy to do. And/or nominate a sum out of his estate in his will for you or to go to your daughter. Maybe you would want to acknowledge him/his children in your will? Perhaps if you feel secure that you’re actually valued as well as loved (he sounds lovely btw) there wouldn’t be any antagonism with his children.

Ps it’s not because you’re married. It’s because you have stated your OHs house is your main dwelling (or that how i understand it). Your house therefore becomes liable for CGT because you don’t live in it.