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Anyone else feeling lonely post lockdown?

(22 Posts)
Polarbear2 Sat 01-May-21 18:43:36

This is a bit pathetic am afraid. I’ve been driving around to supermarket etc and see all the people outside pubs and cafes and restaurants with groups of friends. All having a lovely time. It’s made me feel very lonely. I have no one to do that with. My OH wouldn’t dream of sitting outside a pub other than for a swift half. We have no real friends we could sit with either so it’d just be us. I’ve felt like this before in summers past when I see people in groups enjoying life. I think lockdown has been easier for me in that no one else was socialising so I missed nothing. I’ve told my OH but he just grunted and walked away. There’s nothing I can do. I just need to get my chin up.
As background, my ex husband and I used to sit in pubs a lot! Too much!! But we had no friends either. It was always just us. I think I must be strange. (PS I know Covid safety and all that. This is just about feelings). Any advice??? Cheer up???

Cabbie21 Sat 01-May-21 19:01:45

I know what you mean. Nobody has been in touch with me for ages. I contacted a couple of people but had no reply. Fortunately I have DH at home and we are keeping safe and well, but it would be nice to get out with others now we have had both vaccinations.

tiredoldwoman Sat 01-May-21 19:10:27

Me too ! I feel lonelier now than I did in lockdown . 'Groups of only 6 '- I don't have 5 friends ! Will have to work on getting social ! smile

BlueBelle Sat 01-May-21 19:10:28

Polarbear maybe make a few female friends you don’t have to do everything with your husband Do you know anyone in the area, neighbours acquaintances old work mates Do you belong to anything ?
If you didn’t have a husband would you just stay home by yourself
Could you do one day a week voluntary work I ve made two lovely friends to go for a walk with from voluntary work and lots of others to chat with Even some of the customers
A walk can lead to a coffee can lead to a lunch or a cinema visit
Things will very soon be opening more could you join a group for a hobby I ve still got a friend from when I did a college evening course about 45 years ago
Do you have a dog , dog walkers are notoriously friendly
I do talk to everyone at bus stops, in shops on the train because you never know where your next real friend will pop up from and I was a terribly shy person once
Try it and Good luck

Polarbear2 Sat 01-May-21 19:19:40

Bluebell. I know very few people and have maybe two old workmates who I see once in a blue moon. I joined the WI during lockdown but of course haven’t been yet. Zoom doesn’t work for me as I have my GC on the same night.
The problem is, if I wasn’t with my OH then yes I would be in alone. Am a sad case. No dog.
I’ve thought I should volunteer but my time seems to be taken up with GC and old mum and gym and walks with OH. I can’t and don’t want to drop any of those really - but none of them provide me with friends if that makes sense?. Mum won’t be around for too much longer. GC will grow up and go to school. Maybe in a year or two it’ll be easier. But... life is passing me by?

crazyH Sat 01-May-21 19:26:00

Just want to complain - .... pre lockdown, a previous neighbour and her husband, dropped in every Saturday lunchtime, after they’d done their weekly shopping, and I always, always, made them lunch....yes, every Saturday. Since Lockdown, I rang them to see how they were. But they haven’t rang me once. They know I’m on my own. I am so disappointed with them. In times like this, you know who your friends are.

BlueSky Sat 01-May-21 20:01:03

Sorry but how can you can feel lonely when you have your DH? Now if it was just you, you could feel that way when you see groups of people finally able to meet up.

tanith Sat 01-May-21 20:07:54

I keep in touch with an old work colleague and 2 very old friends, one is now housebound and the other two respond if I contact them but never contact me which I’ve not done in hopes they’ll ask how I’m doing as I’m on my own but nothing.
I will meet up with a couple of Gransnetters for coffee when it’s allowed. My family are great and I’m close to my daughters but I don’t have friends and I know it’s my fault but it’s hard when you aren’t good as socialising. I am lonely.

cornishpatsy Sat 01-May-21 20:22:21

Maybe try to meet up with people from on here, someone could be living in your area.

simtib Sat 01-May-21 20:31:37

If you are on your own or living with your partner, friends are very important. They give you a variety of ideas and different opinions. When I retired I joined in with lots of groups in the village, joined walking groups and made lots of friends. Look and see what there is in your area and join some of the groups and you will soon make friends. Do pick groups that are not women only so that your DH is able to join in if he wishes and does not feel that he is being excluded.

Polarbear2 Sat 01-May-21 20:58:40

Tanith. It’s not the same is it. I am close to my family but it’s not the same as having friends. Blue sky - As for not being lonely because I live with my OH - well a) it’s the same thing as family (see previous) and b) you must have a lovely OH because mine is rubbish company. He wouldn’t know a conversation if it jumped up and bit him. Unless we were talking about cars of course and then he’d talk my head off 😂

TerriT Sat 01-May-21 21:09:50

Like Polarbear my husband doesn’t talk much and certainly never starts a conversation on only thing other than the weather or boats. So for all you ladies married to chatty men don’t assume all husbands are like that. I also have few friends probably because I don’t make the effort if I’m honest. So I too see all these people gathered together and wonder what’s wrong with me! And ones offspring aren’t the same as friends .

annsixty Sat 01-May-21 21:41:14

I am so onboard with you all.
I was widowed 2 years ago after a marriage of over 60 years but my H had had dementia for the last 5/6 years of those.
Friends dropped away even long standing friends , I was shocked and disillusioned .
Now my lovely GD lives with me but I encourage her to live her own life as much as she can with the restraints in place.
I hate eating by myself and end up eating on my knee, I would never have done this previously.
I am not ready for holidays which I feel is fortunate as I have no one to go with.
Life as a widow is indeed very lonely .

Polarbear2 Sat 01-May-21 22:15:01

This is strange. I’ve just spoken to my DD and she feels the same. It’s almost as if we feel ‘less’ somehow if we haven’t got 6 mates to sit with! Hopefully this feeling will pass.

Jaxjacky Sat 01-May-21 22:15:39

Polarbear2 perhaps your husband could entertain GC while you have a zoom call and can family help with your Mum? I think you need some time to meet with others for you, so when your GC is older and/or Mum is gone you have built up some friends. You sound a wee bit put upon maybe, not sure of the detail with GC sitting, but it would be good to start tentative moves towards some friendships.

Polarbear2 Sat 01-May-21 22:24:26

Thanks. No other family am afraid. Only my kids and they work. Been just me and her for 39 years now. She’s 99. GCs I do childcare for every other week. Couple of days. They aren’t my OHs GCs so while he’s ok with them he wouldn’t take over bedtime. Doubt they’d let him tbh! I do appreciate what you’re saying tho. I do need to be better at carving time for me.

tanith Sat 01-May-21 22:37:06

I always think that I’m the odd one out without friends but it seems many others are the same and lonely too. My OH was a lovely chatty man with his own friends and hobbies but he made me laugh everyday and when he got home from enjoying a meet-up with his friends or bowls pals we would get the full story of each other’s day. I guess that is also what I’m missing just someone to chat and have a laugh with who isn’t my child or Grandchild.

Polarbear2 Sat 01-May-21 22:52:03

That’s lovely you have those good memories of him. It is what we need tho isn’t it. Someone to just chat with. Sometimes about nothing in particular. I’ve no real idea why I don’t have lots of friends. It seems to be a lifeskill I don’t have. I don’t think I’m unpleasant or poor company. I really envy those who find it easy.

Polarbear2 Sun 02-May-21 19:12:17

Have any of you read Caitlin Morans piece in The Times on Saturday? It’s perfect. Says exactly how I feel.
I’ve contacted a few people today to try and get some connections going and have enquired re a walking group and a bowling club near us. I’m not sure about the bowling but they also have a social club attached. Fingers crossed something comes out of this.

simtib Sun 02-May-21 19:24:03

Polarbear2 I am a member of several walking groups and now lead some of the walks. These have all been the casual walking groups not the serious ones that stride off for 20 mile hikes. I have always found walkers a friendly group of people. So hope the ones around you are too and you meet new friends.

cb1963 Sun 02-May-21 19:33:38

Have you heard of The Silver Line, it's run in conjuction with Age Uk.
It's available 24/7 and free to call 365 days. You can chat about anything and everything.
The number is 08004708090.
I know it may only be a short term fix but you may feel better after a good chat.

Amberone Sun 02-May-21 20:09:15

I do know how you feel. I have OH and we get on very well and have lots of laughs but we have no friends left in the area and our families are all over 200 miles away. We used to have family visiting, but it was mainly parents - one lot is now dead and the other too ill to visit. Most of our friends in the area were work friends, and slowly they have all moved away. Everyone is too tied up with family these days for visiting, although we keep in touch.

Since we moved in we have had 3 lots of neighbours - all local, all with family local so they have lots of visitors. I often wonder if they think we are weird that no one ever calls here 👽 👽 👻👻

Note to self to join lots of things when we eventually move house