Feeling sorry for men

It is generational, my mother used to say “ you’ll have a fit when you see......”
She couldn’t understand that it was not acceptable.

Lucca

Question, if a male acquaintance says “your hair suits you like that “. Is that ok ?if he says “you’ve lost weight !” Is that ok ?

Why is 'you've lost weight' ok? It is actually super rude. You're either suggesting that someone looks better slimmer or saying how fat you thought they were before.
it could be that someone is losing weight through illness.
I think if people were simply polite and made less judgmental, personal remarks, there would be far less angst about right and wrong. Polite or rude? Personal or private?

I would have had to restrain myself from planting the sandwich firmly in his face and I would certainly not have bought it. How dare he!

Soozikinzi

My sons gf came into our house all flustered and annoyed because a bloke at the petrol station said ‘I hope that sandwich is slimming you wouldn’t want to spoil that lovely figure’ to her when buying a sandwich . And I thought o what a nice compliment! But evidently it wasn’t taken as such ! Shows the difference in the generations! So I did think to myself o lord what can men say these days as OP suggested!

Oh my gosh. I’d be livid if someone said that to me.

I’d be beyond upset if someone said it to my child!!

I don’t think this is a generational thing. Though I do find more younger women don’t need a man notice them to know their own worth. Good for them and long may it continue.

Wow, that was supposed to be a compliment?

Your value as a woman is how you look?

Shaking my head in disbelief

Yes hideous. Obviously her role in life was to take care of what she ate in order to be attractive to him.

If you look at the forum index you will see there is a Grandads' shed page.

I'd not have been happy with that either, Soozikinzi

Very rude.

That's a terrible story Soozikinzi. I'd have been furious if that was one of my friends or family. Why?

It's not ok for men to remark on women's bodies if they don't know them. Was she young? Would you like some bloke commenting on your daughter's body, or how much he liked it?

She can eat what she wants. If she wants to eat calorie laden sandwiches from now till Xmas it's none of his business. Such comments can lead to people having issues with how they look and issues such as anorexia.

If he'd said it to me, or someone I know, if have told him what I thought of those comments and maybe reported him. I certainly wouldn't be going back to that business.

My sons gf came into our house all flustered and annoyed because a bloke at the petrol station said ‘I hope that sandwich is slimming you wouldn’t want to spoil that lovely figure’ to her when buying a sandwich . And I thought o what a nice compliment! But evidently it wasn’t taken as such ! Shows the difference in the generations! So I did think to myself o lord what can men say these days as OP suggested!

there used to be knitting groups for men after the second world war

Grammaretto

Well I am sorry AussieNanna if you think this is off topic but for me it is all about accepting that our roles are merging and if we want gender equality we must look at why we need to treat men differently from women. Why do we have separate toilets and segregated schools, all these things which emphasise our differences.
Ofcourse I think MrVampire should have pegged the knickers back on the line. Common sense.

I don't think the personal trainer should have made comments about someones' body shape - if indeed he did. Not because he is a man particularly but because it is rude.

I read and asked about the men's sheds and apparently they are open to women but women don't go.
I would be perfectly happy if men came to our yarn group. The other groups I am in, yoga, gardening, walking, language class, choirs and so on, are open to all and I wouldn't go if they weren't .

yes, I think mens sheds are off topic to the topic of feeling sorry for men because, in OP's eyes, their comments or innocent actions get misinterpreted

Yes, men may be welcome to go to knitting groups and the like (is that what you mean by a yarn group?) but mens sheds were designed because there werent groups and places like that centred around things more older retired men like to do - eg socialise with other men, make woodwork type projects etc and many older retired men were getting socially isolated as a result.

Of course other groups like gardening are open to all and are activities many people of both genders do - but mens sheds still filled a niche for men to join a place that wasnt mainly women.

I dont have any problem with that at all, I think it is a good thing.

It doesnt have any connection to me to suppossedly innocent comments being misinterpreted - which I think is a bit of a 'poor me' thing by some men, rather than something that is really harder for men

We are having a discussion Rufus just like on most other threads on GN.

Feeling sorry for men
Perhaps I could be allowed a couple of comments!!
Whilst being initially attracted by the thread title, I feel it should be changed to;
"Feeling sorry for Myself"
Despite careful searching, I didn't find many expressions of sorrow; more like in-fighting!
And I can assure you that there aren't many Men hiding in the Shed, nor even behind it!
Good Health

Flirtation is appropriate
GagaJo How nice of you to say that!.
About 2 years ago I was reported and promptly "deleted" for allegedly flirting.
At the time I was at the tender age of 91 years young and I remember feeling quite pleased that anyone should think I would still be capable of such an "offence"
Sad to say, I must have lost my charisma as it hasn't happened again.

Or women that won't take their shit.

Alegrias1

^....and there seem to be some very bitter women on this thread.^

Care to elaborate?

I’m sure I’d be categorised as bitter. Women who expect better from men usually are.

I am determined to spell some as sone today.

I wonder if Michelle Obama would see him as a feminist. I would be interested in her answer to that. I think there are sone interesting undertones in her book.
I think there are issues with flirtation and relationships in the workplace if there are power differences. I think its often the woman who ends up having to leave etc if things go wrong.

I really don't thing most mothers are to blame for men behaving badly towards women. We live in a heavily patriarchal society. Our political leader uses and discards women. We have multiple examples in the public eye of boorish male behaviour. Even rapists are rarely convicted.

Our whole society is designed to benefit men, to the detriment of women. Feminism has been trying to change that, but until good men start to stand up to abusers, nothing will change.

Not for nothing did Obama say, 'This is what a feminist looks like.'

OP having explained the situation, he was right to pick them up, hadn't seen your message when I posted

'I'm not saying it's OK for men to harass women or make obvious sexual comments etc. but most men are just trying to be polite (as they were taught to be when growing up). The majority of men are not sexual predators or women beater, but it seems that today all get tarred with the same brush.'

A domestic abuser is not that likely to target random women in the street, his interest is in abusing members of his family or an ex-partner. In fact a man is more likely to be killed by another man
In a recent survey of over 22,000 women, by Victim Focus '99.7% of our sample had been repeatedly subjected to violence including assaults, harassment and rape.

Only 0.3% of women had only been subjected to one violent incident or less.

Our initial findings in this report suggest that current statistics of the prevalence of violence against women have been underestimated for decades, and instead, it is likely that every woman and girl will be subjected to violence, abuse, rape or harassment. In the vast majority of cases reported here, women were subjected to multiple crimes and the perpetrators were overwhelmingly male
If almost every woman had been bitten by a dog or knew a woman that had been bitten by a dog it would be unwise to assume that the dog they were approached by was friendly. Most dogs are friendly but even though few people are bitten by dogs we are very careful with a strange dog

Well I am sorry AussieNanna if you think this is off topic but for me it is all about accepting that our roles are merging and if we want gender equality we must look at why we need to treat men differently from women. Why do we have separate toilets and segregated schools, all these things which emphasise our differences.
Ofcourse I think MrVampire should have pegged the knickers back on the line. Common sense.

I don't think the personal trainer should have made comments about someones' body shape - if indeed he did. Not because he is a man particularly but because it is rude.

I read and asked about the men's sheds and apparently they are open to women but women don't go.
I would be perfectly happy if men came to our yarn group. The other groups I am in, yoga, gardening, walking, language class, choirs and so on, are open to all and I wouldn't go if they weren't .

'Just because one man behaves in this way doesn't mean all would if they could. You wouldn't group let's say Goldfish and sharks under the heading 'dangerous' and treat both accordingly would you? I don't like any group being tarred with the same brush.'
Well, I'd compare goldfish with goldfish and sharks with sharks. Just cos they are both fish doesn't mean that we have tanks full of sharks in our living rooms or in our garden pond. Mice and men are both mammals, not sure anyone has been sexually assaulted by a mouse, and men do not live in holes in our skirting boards, neither do the large mammals the whales.
There is a huge difference between saying to a stranger whose coat is a beautiful purple velvet Ooh I do love your coat, and it really suits you, or, gosh your rainbow hair is amazing, and a man creepily commenting on a woman's clothing. I've had men compliment me on something I've been wearing, something that I love that's a bit unusual that I don't often wear and that's fine. And women too, glad to know that others like the dress or whatever. Just say thanks, it's my favourite, or my favourite colour, or whatever, or just thanks
What I haven't appreciated for example, was being told, gosh you look smart, in a tone of surprise, by someone with whom I'd stayed on several occasions, casually dressing, as I was the weekend. This time I'd asked if I could pop in and say hello [as always invited to] on my way back from a formal occasion where smart dress was de rigueur, actually she realised she had implied that I was usually a scruffbag, and apologised. Now had she just said I do like your suit, that would have been ok,
If a person had been talking about my latest diet or exercise to you, or just saying that she was going to weight watchers, then maybe, as she has brought it up with you in the past, you could say that you've noticed she's lost weight, as you knew from her that she was trying to do that, but to say it out of the blue, it could be anything, you could be ill, you could be depressed and not eating, that is not something to compliment someone on. If someone was concerned that you might be ill then you might speak to them differently, but always in a way that left it open for the other person not to reveal anything they were not ready to tell another person.
Where I wonder would a lost child be, you temper your response to the place. And the age of the child,. It would be different if the child was in a supermarket, to a child outside in a shopping mall, or wandering around near a road, near a pond or other dangerous place or after dark. Are there any other people around? If you fear harm arising to the child if left where the child is you need to protect the child from that harm. But nowadays most of us carry a mobile phone, keep an eye on the child and ring the non-emergency number. Don't always assume that the parents know the child is missing, there was a sad fatality a few months ago where the child had got up and gone out into the street and everyone thought he was in bed, sadly he got knocked down and died. So many people saying why didn't the parents know where he was, well most of us if we last saw our child in bed would assume that that's where he was.
We should all be careful what we say to others, and if we inadvertently upset someone however inadvertently the upset was.
Knickers on the floor under the washing line? Again, will they fly away and be lost if no one picks them up - ok, but it Wouldnt just be knickers would it, probably, it might be tee shirts or leggings or towels. if they were picked up alongside the other items it would probably be ok, and you might let the person know that their washing nearly blew into the next parish, if it was just breezy and no such danger existed, maybe just leave them, intervention probably not needed. Would you do it? If not then that's probably the answer for your husband. Are you or your husband on good enough terms that the knickerowner might pop round and pick up your husband's undercrackers if they blew off the line? I'd say no hard and fast rule here. Unless of course your husband was standing on tiptoe to look at the washing line, that would be really creepy

I would support and donate to men's sheds as well. Anything to help and promote mental health issues.