Feeling sorry for men

“Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.” Roy T Bennett

I was in a garden centre when there was a brief break in lock down . A young man shopping as I was looked at me and said what a nicely presented lady! I was on cloud nine and don't deny it. I am a nanny going white aging and I am sixty four who doesn't like a compliment!
A young woman standing behind me said you look so pretty in that dress. I was just standing by the car waiting for DH to put a trolley back. I thought it was a lovely compliment.
I have complimented people it's my nature I don't see any harm in it.
I don't suffer fools people who know me are aware of this and wouldn't try it on. It's wrong to tar everyone with the same brush. I think women can be just as vulgar as men. In my working life I have certainly come across sex pests both in skirts and trousers.

Alegrias1

Friendly disagreement is good Lucca .

Why should the lady on the bus care what you think of her parenting skills? Why did you think she would like to hear what you think of her?

Obviously she did. Or maybe she went home to her partner and told them that a woman commented on her parenting skills on the bus, what a cheek. Yep, must be me....

Because being nice makes the world go round ?
If she didn’t like it fair enough but I’ve never come across anyone who has not reacted with pleasure at being complimented.

If she went home and said a daft old bat said this or that, doesn’t bother me !

simtib

With all the different opinions here, how could a man ever get it right all the time.

Knowing your audience? Maybe if it's an audience you don't know, don't make personal comments?

Friendly disagreement is good Lucca .

Why should the lady on the bus care what you think of her parenting skills? Why did you think she would like to hear what you think of her?

Obviously she did. Or maybe she went home to her partner and told them that a woman commented on her parenting skills on the bus, what a cheek. Yep, must be me....

With all the different opinions here, how could a man ever get it right all the time.

Nightsky, not strange, just different strokes for different folks. I know people who put a lot of effort into their appearance and thought into their clothing. It can be quite artistic. I will compliment someone's clothing if they are a friend - but I'm complimenting their taste.

I'm not one of those people who puts much value in how I look so it falls on neutral ground.

Alegrias1 we usually see fairly eye to eye but not on this !!
I think saying to someone in a restaurant that their child is well behaved or whatever is just nice “social interaction”.
I saw a young woman on the bus once with three young children one of who clearly had issues of some kind and was quite noisy. She dealt with it so well. When I got off I said to her “you’re doing a great job”. She said thank you.

I think saying to someone that you love their hat or something is also nice human interaction.

This is a bit off topic though sorry.

Totally agree, vampire queen with your original post and 11.04 post, and sago post, last week there was a woman in front of me in queue at supermarket I told her she looks really lovely in her outfit, she actually said Thankyou so much you have made my day! I was feeling down this morning, as nothing fits I’ve put on so much weight in the lockdown, I had just bought it, oh I’m going to walk round now with a big smile on my face, I always give compliments, to whoever, I’ve had things said to me by men never in a Leary way, I would compliment whoever, the worlds gone mad!

vampirequeen

But surely it's a compliment. If someone looses weight it's obvious they've been working at it and to comment on it simply suggests that you've noticed and are acknowledging their hard work. It's very hard not to see someone without seeing that they have a body

it might be an illness or stress...to me there is also an implication that they though I was fat before if its a compliment to say I am less fat!

CafeAuLait

Polarbear2

Really??? Wow. That’s very sad when you can’t compliment someone. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable at all! Am astonished.

I don't see it as a compliment. If you want to complement me, compliment me on something I have done well, a good personal quality or clever thinking. Don't compliment me about my body or physical appearance. It's not that important and I don't like to be measured that way.

Well I do......I have always enjoyed compliments from men and women. I enjoy compliments on how I look and how well I’ve done something. Yes I know I’m a bit strange! .

What a very sad world we live in where there are women who take offence where non was meant. There are women who actually look for offence for whatever reason and I feel very sorry for the nice men who think they are just being kind. We all know that most women like a compliment, don’t we?.

When I took my class on school outings people sometimes commented how well behaved they were and we all liked that. Sometimes when they were being a bit lively or noisy people would grumble at us as well. We were in a public space and thankfully free speech is still permitted.

VQ
I’m sure that in some ways it’s much better that we respect boundaries, but what a sad world where where nanasams husband is worried enough to change his route, and where you feel unable to step in and comfort a child.
Yes, I agree Sago, there is always someone just longing to take offence at something.

Alegrias1

Sorry, I'm on a roll...

In what possible world is it acceptable to compliment a child's behaviour in a restaurant when you don't know the family?

Its none of your business, honestly. It must be me.....

Haha, an older woman once complimented my children's behaviour. I was just amused because she should have seen them five minutes before.

Someone is exposing themselves on the one show???

Personal trainers have guidelines wrt customer boundaries btw.

I think manners are one things, holding the door open for someone if they are right behind you which they shouldn't be atm is one thing, a man you don't know running ahead of you to open the door I would feel is another unless it was my Dad. I wouldn't want my male next door neighbour touching my knickers either fwiw

The worst sexual remarks I've had off men has generally been at work tbh

nanasam, the mothers were present, he was in full view. I don't think I'd have worried about it.

Sago, I once had a similar situation with a child about the same age. I called the police. I wasn't taking the child anywhere for the same reason. It was by a pond so I couldn't ignore the unattended child or risk someone wrong finding them. I thought it was a good middle ground that kept everyone protected.

Sorry, I'm on a roll...

In what possible world is it acceptable to compliment a child's behaviour in a restaurant when you don't know the family?

Its none of your business, honestly. It must be me.....

Now that's true sago

"There is always someone waiting to be offended."

In fact some people seem to be looking for something to be offended by.

It is hard on men, for example if there was a woman clearly drunk and incapable on the street at night, would he dare stop and help?

I found an 18 month child on our street and to cut a long story short had to get a witness to support me as I called the Police and dealt with the situation, I was so worried I could be accused of abduction.

It’s across the board not just a male issue.
What is deemed acceptable language changes all the time, some people object to the term mixed race and prefer combined heritage.
Gender fluid people prefer they to he/she.
Women can object to Mrs/Miss and prefer Ms.
My daughter once spoke to a couple in a Brighton restaurant and complimented them on their little girls behaviour, she was chastised as the child was gender neutral.

There is always someone waiting to be offended.

That is sad. Everyone was enjoying the time but the fear of being judged stopped it.

I’m with you vq on all your comments. ?

I too pass random compliments to other women sometimes. ‘I really like your jacket/shoes/hair’. Always a beaming smile back and a ‘thank you how kind’.

I also keep a door open for whoever has approached after me. A common courtesy.

This is a funny old world these days. Sad really.

DH takes our little dog out for a walk each afternoon, the route taking him past a fenced in playground. Children from the local school play there every day on their way home from school, accompanied by their mothers. DH went past, the girls started squealing "ah, little puppy, Puppy! Puppy!" and ran over to the fence wanting to pet her. DH called over to the mums "Is that okay?" and they all replied yes so he took the dog over for a few minutes (the dog enjoyed the fuss as much as the girls).

The next day they were there again and wanted to fuss the 'puppy' and the same thing happened. When he got home, he was worried that, just because he took the same route at the same time, someone might think he did it on purpose and think he was a perv.

He has bypassed the playground ever since, which is so sad because the dog adores children and these kids loved her.

FarNorth

*vq*, the tone the trainer uses to speak to your mother may be completely different from how he might speak to younger women.
We cannot know.

I suspect he wouldn't tell a man his muscles were developing nicely, but would comment on how much more weight the man could lift etc.

This seems to a be an assumption. He's a professional. His job is to help people to become fitter and/or maintain fitness. Why would you suspect he would say anything different to a man? He's also told my mam that she lifts more weight than a lot of younger people (male and female). His job isn't just to train the body but to encourage. Surely part of this is done via statements regarding how well the client is doing.