Are you having the life you envisaged?

So sad reading some of your responses, but realise now that it might have been me. I had a disastrous first marriage to what I believe they now call a controlling a narcissistic husband. When we split eldest son went with him and I kept the youngest with me. However, after a harrowing and expensive divorce I met my current husband through a good friend who introduced me to her recently divorced cousin and never looked back. He and I just get on. He let's me do what I like (we always discuss things) and occasionally compromises are made, but all is pretty good. He worked very hard with me for my parents when my father was terminally ill and Mum decided they needed to move to a smaller place. So much stuff to sell/dispose of, ranging from tractors to filing cabinets and every camera Dad had ever owned. He's the nearest to a saint I've ever met! Life is better for us than I ever imagined. My heart goes out to those of you who are not in such a good position as I fortunately find myself. and for luck. X

When I was young, I never really envisaged my future life. I started work at 16, I imagined I would marry, have children, give up work, be a housewife, and that was as far as I thought about.

Well, I married at 19, had 2 children, went back to work part time when younger one started school, had never thought I would work again when I started my family.

Now after nearly 49 years of marriage, have 5 GC, DD lives in Australia, would never have imagined that years ago. All parents and in laws dead, we are hopefully fairly healthy, reasonably comfortable money wise, both retired. Our lives are very humdrum, but have no desire to do anything exciting.

Just hope we and our loved ones keep happy and healthy.

I have never considered what my life would look like at this point. We’ve always been so. Use, work, children, step children and now grandchildren. Parents now gone and much missed. Children grown and several,living abroad. Used to long for peace and quiet and now don’t really want so much of it. Very grateful for what we have and for family and friends but not feeling very settled, COVID has changed things. Just as we were thinking of travelling and moving both went out of the window. Would still like to move but travel…..not yet for sure. Life is precious and none of us know how long we have and without sounding morbid I think we’ve become more aware of that recently. I feel that I may need life coaching or counselling as I seem to be very restless. I wish I had a passion as a lot of people seem to but I don’t ?

Not at all. I took early retirement with quite a few plans in mind, but mum proceeded to break her arm the day before & within a couple of months my brother was diagnosed with cancer (though now in complete remission). Since then I've looked after both parents in the following 6 years, both in poor health off and on, with my Dad passing away at the beginning of this month. I would love to be spontaneous with day trips (once we're allowed) but anything now will need planning with siblings. Luckily mum still has her marbles but it is very tiring at times.

I'm 68 now. I vowed never to get married or have children due to unhappy childhood experiences.....I never did have children but have had happy relationships & did marry my current partner 3 years ago now- he also vowed never to get married ! so he took us both by surprise..I 've also married someone who was on paper quite different from the man I thought I would marry !! He suits me really well though...I've travelled a bit which was an aim & was amazing- had mostly satisfying jobs but wish in some ways that I had been more adventurous & lived a more hippier type of lifestyle! More boho/ spiritual but am working on it!! I'm also reasonably content, no major hassles in life currently but feeling a bit apprehensive about facing the challenges of getting older.......fears of losing mobility & as well as my marbles! where to live etc especially if I lose my husband who is nearing 80 & not so fit...and have no children to be there for me....

My life is certainly not what I dreamed about when I was a teenager, and it has definitely had ups and downs.

However, it has been and still is good and good fun.

I think I would have been bored by the life teenage Me dreamed of having.

Old age is not funny. Constant pain , poor eyesight, incontinence etc. Housebound, only person I see is my daily help. I did not envisage this. However I do have my memories of a very happy marriage cut short too soon and the chance of travelling etc whilst I was able

At 15 I wanted to marry my boyfriend, run a nursery and have a son and a daughter. I did all 3 but had the bonus of 2 sons and a daughter. Now also have 2 grandsons and a granddaughter. I've been married to my childhood sweetheart for 40 years now. So I would if been exactly where I had dreamed of. Then my son died if cancer age 26. Now my life is a million miles away from wanted I ever envisaged. ?

Life is not great, but it is what it is. Old age (post 50 really, despite everyone pretending that’s still ‘young) has nothing to recommend it in my view. I definitely never wanted to live beyond 70 and am looking forward to it all ending really, and having a rest! I wish I had planned my life more/better, though there are always things you can’t plan for. And in the end we never really know what the ‘alternative path’ would have led to anyway. Wish more people would be honest about having children, and getting old. Wish I’d not done the first, and that I could have avoided the second!

I have also just gone with the flow and have been lucky in that my life has been very varied and interesting. I am single and I think this helps because it means I do not have to consider a partners wishes if I want to make a decision about something. A cancer episode made me realise that people only have one life and if there is something you really want to do then I think we should all do it now whilst we can!

No - had thought / expected DH (72.5) to have retired from a 24/7 - 365 self employed job and our being able to do things together. Have now accepted that won’t happen so I get on with my own life and we do more and more separately. Might as well have stayed on my own and enjoyed myself

Not at all. I thought I'd be retired and off travelling with DH. Instead I'm now disabled, living with my dog in a rented house on benefits, struggling to run a car & pay my bills. I'm also unofficially widowed as my partner died 9 years ago. I'm not unhappy though, I have fabulous GCs & DDs & am involved in things I enjoy. The place I live is tiny but I like it; I am writing this looking at a wonderful view listening to birds & the distant traffic. Different but OK.

CWM 33 so sorry to hear your partner only has 6 months to live. I lost my Sister last September she died of cancer was diagnosed in June and only lived for 3 months. The same diagnosis happened to her daughter the year before she also died after the diagnosis of 3 months but she was only 30 and left 3 young children.

Not the life I thought I'd have when I was in my very early teens, but that really was unrealistic. Not the life I thought I'd be living when I married at 18, had two children before I was 23 and money was terribly tight. Life hasn't always been easy and we've got through some really tough times including the year miners strike with 2 small children and not one of us working. We are now in our early 60's, married for 45 years and both still working through choice. We love our holidays and help financially with our 6 grandchildren. We're both looking forward to retirement when we decide the time is right for us.

Lots of downs just waiting for the ups hope they come soon

My life now is better than I could ever have dreamed about.

No not at all. I had to leave a controlling husband, I've no children, just me and the dog. I thought I'd of seen some wonderful places by now, but won't go alone. My friends, I've had for years, have been drifting away with their grandchildren, retired hubbies, etc and only contact me if their other halves have gone golfing or something. So, this seems to be it.

Mostly I have yes . I was a teacher which was my ambition as a child and I had a large family which I wanted. But I’m not as involved as a grand parent as I expected since my husband has health issues and distances involved. But all things considered not too far from expectations really .

No but I’m not sure I actually ever envisioned what life would be like at my age (71) anyway. When I worked as a director of a special education preschool program, we often cited an essay written by a parent of a child with special needs - it was called, “Welcome to Holland” and it described how having a child with special needs is like, while you’re pregnant, anticipating a trip to Italy, for example, and then, when the child is born it’s as if you’ve being rerouted to Holland. So not necessarily a bad place to be but very different from what you anticipated. That’s what your question and these responses remind me of.

I am definitely in a worse position now than years ago. Failed marriage, failed 12 year relationship, engaged now but living month to month (we can’t get a mortgage due to age and minimal deposit). Will have nothing to leave my son (25) and I’m in a menial job that pays ok but not exactly what I thought I would be doing years ago (I had a cleaner, I wasn’t one!!!).

Savvy, same as me but without the pets. I am in a sheltered housing flat and we are not allowed pets. I don't see anyone from week to week apart from INR Nurse monthly and my cleaner for 2 hours once a fortnight

An easier question could be "Are you having the day you envisaged ?
The answer would often be "No!" thanks to external forces beyond my control!

No. I got married at 21, went on to have 2 lovely daughters, lucky enough not to have to return to work so set about achieving my dream to become a home-maker.

Then, when the girls were 3 and 5, he left me. No time or energy to be a home maker then. Mother and father to the girls, breadwinner, taxi, problem solver...... no, my life did not turn out as envisaged, but I've got on with it and I'm still alive and breathing so must be grateful for that.

Not at the moment but I have hopes that the future will be better. Adult children returned to the nest and now over two years. Impatient to start living my life again without the constraints of cuckoos in the nest. Hope it Happens before I am too much older

No. I never really thought of the future in terms of anything more than a few years ahead.
I thought I’d be in a wheelchair because of problems in early life, but surgery solved those problems.
Computers hadn’t been invented so I couldn’t have envisaged teaching computing.
I suppose I’d have expected to marry and have a family, and that happened.
I certainly never envisaged anything like COVID.
I’m grateful for what I have now, but who knows about tomorrow?