Should we tell our granddaughter when our dog is to be PTS?

MayBee70

Thanks Nightsky. A lot of vets aren’t familiar with uncommon problems. My last whippet had intermittent lameness and it was only when a new vet joined the practice that the cause of it was found to be a corn. Common in greyhounds and other sighthounds but not widely known outside of sighthound circles.

Absolutely agree.

Oh Luckylegs please let your granddaughter say goodbye and ask her if she wants to be there. It's just an injection and gradually the head drops and then she looks as though she's asleep.

By keeping her away it makes the procedure seem more gruesome than it is. There will be floods of tears but they will be cathartic and help the grieving process.

Your DGD is becoming a young lady and will have to face many sadness in life. This will be a gentle introduction.

I will be thinking of you on Saturday and meanwhile sending hugs

Thanks Nightsky. A lot of vets aren’t familiar with uncommon problems. My last whippet had intermittent lameness and it was only when a new vet joined the practice that the cause of it was found to be a corn. Common in greyhounds and other sighthounds but not widely known outside of sighthound circles.

Nightsky2

MayBee70

Nightsky2

Luckylegs. There’s a condition called Chiari-Malformation and Syringomyelia which some King Charles Spanials are prone to. As it’s a rare condition it’s possible that your vet may not even be aware of it. I think Lottie may have it. Google it up.

Night sky. Is that treatable? The little rescue spaniels I met whilst walking were all on medication that was keeping their condition under control.

I think it all depends how advanced it is but yes it is treatable. As it’s neurological no medication will cure it per say. Not all King Charles Spanial dogs have Chiari only some.

I’m more familiar with the human Chiari1 Malformation with Syringomyelia.

Per se.?

Luckylegs

Sorry for long post but I’m looking for other people’s opinions. We have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who is 9 years old now. We got her really because our granddaughter begged for a dog. Unfortunately Lottie the dog has got this dreadful disease that Cavaliers are prone to and her legs have gradually gone worse and she just drags herself around. It’s pitiable, she can’t stand up to wee or poo, we have to carry her in and out to the garden. She lives to be cuddled, sleep and eat, that’s all. She has no quality of life at all, just exists. She’s not in any pain. Regular trips to the vet, trying different medicines, we’ve done the lot.

Our vet more or less said before last Christmas that he would leave it up to us when to decide to have to PTS but it’s been hard to do that when she’s such a little love. Now, however, she’s getting stuck on her back and has got much worse. We’ve talked about it all as a family openly and our granddaughter knows what’s happening but she just loves the dog to bits.

Another vet visit tonight and he wanted to do the deed there and then. I couldn’t contemplate just telling our GD that Lottie was dead so we’ve arranged an appointment a week on Sat to have it done then. Now, I think it’s a long time for GD to be upset and worried knowing exactly when it’s going to happen. Our D said that it’s better than just announcing that it was done tonight so at least GD can say goodbye and give her lots of cuddles. Anyone any advice or comfort? Btw, my H won’t allow GD to be there when it’s done as it would be too traumatic for her but I think she’ll desperately want to. Anyone done this?

I think that planting something In Remembrance of your little Cavalier would be beautiful!

How about one of these - Lavandula Angustifolia 'Little Lottie' - www.rhs.org.uk/Plants/134790/Lavandula-angustifolia-Little-Lottie-Clarmo/Details . Maybe not quite suitable for your garden as there is a warning for toxicity for cats / dogs / horses. Known for attracting bees / butterflies / ladybirds / birds etc.

OR perhaps one of these - Lottie Hobby Fuchsia - www.victoriananursery.co.uk/Fuchsia-Lottie-Hobby/ -

I ‘m not sure about that. When I had my last dog pts I sat on the floor with her for hours waiting for the vet to arrive and when she did, lovely as she was, my dog was very distressed. I’m glad the grandchildren had gone out. And a cat I had pts years ago needed another injection. I phoned up the vet afterwards and asked if he was fighting to live but they said he was so weak his heart wasn’t pumping it through his body.

I've ALWAYS held my dogs as they were PTS and allowing her to be there can be nothing but a good thing.

If you've done it before then you'll know how gentle the process is at it might be a great comfort to your grandaughter if she can be there.

Unless your vets' middle name is Hitler it certainly won't be traumatic!

Only the unknown can make us fear.

I remember having the conversation with my husband when our dog’s legs wouldn’t support him. We, very reluctantly, decided that we were keeping him alive for us, and he hated being helped. We had him PTS that afternoon. When our young daughter came home from school she asked where he was. We told her that he’d gone to doggy heaven because there he would be able to run about like he used to. Her reply was ‘I hope he will be happy, because he wasn’t happy here when he couldn’t run’.

Nightsky2

MayBee70

Nightsky2

Luckylegs. There’s a condition called Chiari-Malformation and Syringomyelia which some King Charles Spanials are prone to. As it’s a rare condition it’s possible that your vet may not even be aware of it. I think Lottie may have it. Google it up.

Night sky. Is that treatable? The little rescue spaniels I met whilst walking were all on medication that was keeping their condition under control.

I think it all depends how advanced it is but yes it is treatable. As it’s neurological no medication will cure it per say. Not all King Charles Spanial dogs have Chiari only some.

I’m more familiar with the human Chiari1 Malformation with Syringomyelia.

My husband has that, didn't realise it was the same thing.

kidshealth.org/en/parents/pet-death.html
Do have a read through this Luckylegs I think it's very helpful and perhaps your DD might like to read it too. Helping children to deal with difficult and sad events is an important part of their development and will stand them in good stead in the future. Children are a lot more resilient than we sometimes think they are.

Mawbe
That story bought tears ? to my eyes, I would love that to be true.

Luckylegs
My border collie who was 16 passed away at the vets on the 18th of January during lockdown I have 4 grandchildren the youngest being 6 they all new that jess was getting on in years and was ill. After the deed was done, I couldn't be there due to restrictions only my husband went in I sat in the car after we went home ? but as soon as we was able we phoned each of our children and asked them to brake the news as gently as they could to them. They was ok children are very resilient and tend to think of the good times but do let her say goodbye especially as she couldn't have a dog of her own or at least give her the choice.

We had consecutive greyhounds, my husband could not bear to be present when PTS, so it's a delicate matter with children, tell them about Rainbow Bridge. My GC's father made a little commeration for their own Bobby when she was PTS. Nice to get a paw print if you can.x

As a small child I was told that our dog had got too big to live in our house and had gone to live on a farm. I accepted this as fact. It was not until 50 years later when I watched an episode of Friends when Ross is told that his dog hadn’t gone to a farm but had been put to sleep that the penny dropped.
Tell your GD the truth, she can see how ill her beloved dog is and, although upset, she will accept that it is in the dogs best interest as it will put an end to his suffering. Children learn from caring for pets that life comes to an end and it prepares them for future loss of loved ones.

No, she will mourn not having said goodbye. Tell her the truth and let her have one last time with him. Depends how old she is what story you tell her. Alternatively ask her where she would like her to arrive and say you'll tell the vet. That kind of fib is a kind one. Good luck.

Hi I’ve also had two dogs and both had to be put to sleep. My granddaughter was 5 when my last one was sent to heaven with her great grandad. I also got her a photo with her and the dog together. In the garden I got a plate with dog’s name on it and she helped me plant a rose. She calls the rose Misty. But she’s 10 now and I think if dog had died now. I wouldn’t let her go I would just do the same again. But I wouldn’t tell dog put to sleep. I’d say dog died in its sleep because she was poorly

I love the above from ExD. We recently had our 17 year old Jack Russell put to sleep. Our GD was 5 years old, so had always known him. We told her on the day that he was so old and in so much pain that he had gone on a long sleep. She understood this as she had heard of dogs going over the Rainbow bridge but was still very emotional about it. He died on Armistice Day 11/11. So she had been taught this during the day. In the evening she made a little shrine and said a prayer to ask God to help him over the rainbow bridge. She still talks about him which I love. When I was six my mother was pregnant with my sister so had my dog PTs without telling me, sadly I never forgave. So it is important to get it right. Good luck my lovely and remember the good times with your beloved dog ??xx

MayBee70

Nightsky2

Luckylegs. There’s a condition called Chiari-Malformation and Syringomyelia which some King Charles Spanials are prone to. As it’s a rare condition it’s possible that your vet may not even be aware of it. I think Lottie may have it. Google it up.

Night sky. Is that treatable? The little rescue spaniels I met whilst walking were all on medication that was keeping their condition under control.

I think it all depends how advanced it is but yes it is treatable. As it’s neurological no medication will cure it per say. Not all King Charles Spanial dogs have Chiari only some.

I’m more familiar with the human Chiari1 Malformation with Syringomyelia.

I personally, would not use any phrases to a child that link sleep with death. Children are much more logical than we give them credit for, so I would explain that part of being a responsible loving pet owner is to feed them properly, look after them when they are ill, take them to the vet, etc. And, that making this final decision is the last loving thing we can do for them because we don't want them to suffer anymore.

Yes, I'm sure she will be upset, but she will also understand why. She will grieve but that is part of the process of losing any pet, or anyone we love. It is upsetting for us as loving adults to see children upset, especially about the loss of a beloved pet when we may be grieving ourselves, but again it is part of our job as adults to support a child through this very natural reaction, helping a child to process loss, not to try and minimise it or avoid it.

I think you should do as your daughter suggests, the child is her daughter after all.

However, it does depend on how old the girl is.

In your place I would have had the dog put to sleep and told the child that her beloved Lottie has died without going into details.

However you can't really do so now that your daughter knows

It's a wretched situation to be in and I am really sorry for you all.

The child will grieve, but probably get over it quickly.

I am assuming, given that the dog is 9 years old and you got it for your granddaughter, that said granddaughter is over 9. If so she is old enough to be able to deal with the need to put the dog to sleep. Our children were always told if this needed to be done, there is no point in lying about it or making up stories. Tell the child what is happening and let her say goodbye to the dog. If she wants to come with you she should be allowed.

The dog's welfare must come first. I've faced this many times in over 40 years of owning dogs. It never gets any easier but there comes a point when it is an act of kindness.
There's a lovely picture book (I think it's still available) called "Heaven" by Nicholas Allan. Dill the dog prepares to go to heaven. He and his young owner Lily talk about what they they think heaven is like (funfairs and chocolate for Lily, bones and lampposts for Dill). Lily is sad to say goodbye to Dill but in time she gets another puppy and makes sure he gets to enjoy all the things that Dill told her about. Dill looks down from heaven and thinks that the new puppy "must think he's in heaven already". I've given the book to lots of people (adults and children). It's a lovely book for anyone who has lost a beloved pet. I think the important thing is to be honest with your GD so you can both remember your dog and talk about the happy times with her.

I wouldn't tell anyone beforehand, if she's going to be told wait till after. The whole situation is much more stressful if she feels she can argue or beg for the dog to be spared than simply dealing with her sorrow after the event.

The week my dog started wetting her bed and seemed just really weary I knew it was time. I got up one morning made the decision, took her to the vets who said her heart was giving up so I let her go. I was in 51yrs old and couldn't cope watching it happening, I adored her.
I've had to get every dog I've ever had PTS because of illness and always wished they had went in their sleep rather than having to make the decision to do it. I think I would of found the grief a little easier and I think your GD might too, rather than watching needles being administered, finding veins, etc which happened to my dog. Just falling asleep in her bed seems a nicer way to go so I'd let your GD just think that. My heart goes out to you all

Your GD needs today her goodbyes to Lottie.
A few years ago, I got up one morning and said to my husband that it was the day to to take our well loved 15 year old Yorkie to be PTS, he was deaf, blind, double incontinent and very ill.
We went to the vet in the afternoon. My then 23 year old son came home from work to find Fritz had gone and had an absolute meltdown, as we hadn’t told him and he hadn’t said goodbye. ( Fritz had been bought as a 12 week old puppy for him and his sister by my parents to help them cope with their dad dying)
It won’t be easy and there’ll be tears, but she needs to know.

DO NOT LIE! It's the circle of life. If not dealt with properly it can confuse and distress young people. Yes it's sad, but it will be sad for her however you tell her! Maybe in time to come she will learn to understand how we can ease distress in animals by this humane act of PTS. Explain that the vet has asked for only you to be in attendance to ensure the least distress possible . Treat her as the mature young person she is
I hope that all goes as well as it can for you all.