Forced adoptions

I had to get married in 1965. No question of abortion or adoption from my parents. 56 years later we are still together. I guess I was one of the lucky ones. God bless those that weren’t.

I knew a few girls in the 70s who "Had" to get married. 2 of my sisters too. My dad went mad but never made them give up the babys. Most of those marriages broke up. 1 of my sisters is still married and my BIL is seen as our brother he is so lovely. Times have changed a lot since then no stigma or made to feel shame at all its hard to believe that people were so cruel.

Absolutely right Calendargirl definitely wouldn't make me feel any better.
In fact it would almost seem like they were trying to gain points for something they were not involved in.

of course the government should apologise, it’s the least they can do

So Boris or Nicola Sturgeon just stands up and says ‘We’re very sorry”.

Words, just words, absolutely pointless.

It doesn’t resolve anything, the babies were still adopted, the mothers left without them. No apology alters that.

Talk’s cheap.

Nexus I also worked fir a while in a mental hospital and some of the patients had done no more than defy their parents, and they were put away by them fir the rest of their days.
What was normal then is not OK now, slavery, hanging, homosexuality, domestic violence, (raping a wife was not illegal until relatively recently,) So many terrible things and so it goes. Times change thank goodness and generally fir the better.
As late as the 70s having a child out of wedlock was still frowned and gossiped about and women, but not men, were seen to have brought shame on the family then, as it still does now in some communities.
Apologies now from those who were not even born won’t change anything, though maybe an acknowledgement of wrong can do no harm and sometimes help just a bit in dealing with past pain.

Smurf52 I am so sorry that happened to you. Did you ever have any counselling to help you work through your sadness and emptiness? If not I truly think that it would help you. You may be able to access it through your GP, or go to the counselling directory website to help you access a counsellor.

I wonder if you have considered ways to remember your lost baby in a gentle and loving way. There are so many ways and if you would like to please PM me to talk about those.

nexus63 that is so sad

This is so sad and shocking...........How did things ever get to this disgusting way of treating young women? I guess the Dad got away without any consequence? and we need to be vigilant for women's rights in case things become so cruel again

nexus63 that is so sad

i worked as a volunteer at a mental hospital, all the people were elderly, one lady had been there since she was 16 and was now in her 70s, this was back in the early 80s, she was deemed mentally ill because she got pregnant at 15, she had spent all her life in that hospital. i had to leave when i fell pregnant as it was no longer safe for me as some of the patients could be unpredictable, i went back to visit her with my new born son, she just held him and said, i wonder what happened to my baby, she never even knew if it was a boy or girl.

DiscoDancer I'm sorry to hear that but granny can be a wonderful support for a child. I hope you are OK, it must be very hard.

silverlining48

WW I dont suppose many fathers had a shotgun handy though we all know the expression, but there was pressure from parents and if it succeeded it was termed as ‘ having to get married’ .
I knew many who had to live with this, and only recently a friend mentioned her brother ‘having’ to get married even though he and his wife have been happily together 50 years.

They were always referred to as shotgun weddings where I lived but there weren't any shotguns involved, well not usually.

I know a few who married when pregnant but were happy about it, the couple I referred to never seemed happy and that seems such a waste of 50 years.

i think the govt should apologise, esp if the wronged women want that.
the govt was complicit, they allowed it to happen, they were not standing up for the human rights of those young mothers, or their babies.
they were treated as of less value than other people, even than of the fathers of those babies.
of course the govt should apologise, it's the least they can do.

WW I dont suppose many fathers had a shotgun handy though we all know the expression, but there was pressure from parents and if it succeeded it was termed as ‘ having to get married’ .
I knew many who had to live with this, and only recently a friend mentioned her brother ‘having’ to get married even though he and his wife have been happily together 50 years.

theworriedwell

DiscoDancer that is so sad, your poor mother, how could her father do that to her.

I hope you had a good life with your adoptive family.

Thank you. I never had a brilliant relationship with my ‘ mum’, but did with my granny. I always felt there was something missing. Lots of adopted people say they had a great life, and are indebted to their adoptive parents. While I know mine tried really hard I’m sure, it didn’t work for me.

DiscoDancer that is so sad, your poor mother, how could her father do that to her.

I hope you had a good life with your adoptive family.

silverlining48

A terrible decision, but these were different times, and shame and embarrassment were forefront. No one was forced to abort or have their baby adopted, but told things like this would ruin your life chances /education/opportunity of meeting a partner ( who woukd want someone else’s child?) etc but primarily without support from family, life would have very hard and the expression used was to never darken our door again. A very hard attitude but one which many subscribed to. It was virtually impossible to bring up a baby on your own. No job no money no home no support. Being judged as fast and loose. None if this opprobrium rained on the fathers though. ‘‘Twas ever thus.

My mum became pregnant with me after the war, she was single, alone, had no family around, considered an illegal termination, went to see the woman to make arrangements, but decided at the last moment not to take this course even though no one would blame her ,not even me, had she taken the other way.

If the girl's father had a shotgun the boy didn't get off with it. I knew someone who had a "shotgun wedding." They stayed together for 50 years. I was told he was the happiest widower anyone had ever seen at a funeral. How sad is that, 68 and felt free.

Alegrias1

I'm sure none of these women were unaware that life would have been hard if they kept their babies.

But someone took their babies from them. Literally. Right after they had given birth. I'm a little surprised at the lack of compassion, actually. And I'm not even a mum.

My birth mother had to keep me until I was six weeks old, to be sure she was making the right decision. She didn’t make it...my grandfather did.

She was 75. I guess her parents are long gone.

Not being a mum myself, maybe I've used the wrong terminology, sorry. The other lady had no anaesthetic for the stitches.

Alegrias1

I'm sure none of these women were unaware that life would have been hard if they kept their babies.

But someone took their babies from them. Literally. Right after they had given birth. I'm a little surprised at the lack of compassion, actually. And I'm not even a mum.

How come the ones who had support kept them? The girls parents and partner should apologise, their responsibility. I knew several teenage girls who had babies in late 60s and early 70s, they all kept the baby with support from their parents or partner. I lived close to a home for unmarried mothers, you could hear them in the phone box begging their parents to let them bring the baby home.

Beswitched

sodapop

Not quite sure what your point is there GillT57 why would your Aunt not be able to choose from the children available for adoption.

Because they're not sweets in a shop. Just as birth parents accept and love the child they're given, most adoptive parents are told there's a little boy/girl whose mother wants them adopted and they have been chosen to be the adoptive parents. They don't get to select a baby from a selection.

My parents chose me out of quite a few....so they told me. That was 1959 .

Alegrias1

I was very struck by the woman on the news saying she didn't give up her baby, he was taken from her. She was 16 years old. A child herself.

Also by the woman who was given an episiotomy without anaesthetic, because nobody was listening to her. She and I are the same age.

If these women want an apology, give them an apology on behalf of a society that ignored them for so long.

Her parents should apologise to her.

They didn't used to give anaesthetic for episiotomy did they? I was told because the babies head was pressing so hard that it would be numb and it was. The stitches were a different matter.

I'm sure none of these women were unaware that life would have been hard if they kept their babies.

But someone took their babies from them. Literally. Right after they had given birth. I'm a little surprised at the lack of compassion, actually. And I'm not even a mum.

Fernbergien

My mother was seventeen and unmarried when she had my older sister. The family stood by her. I then discovered this year that my mothers mother had her while married by another man. So that is why they stood by her. This was early1930s when sister born. Mum was lucky.

My grandma was also supported by her parents in the early 'thirties, Fernbergien.

They made her choose between them and the older married man who got her pregnant (and who, I understand, was prepared to run off with her). She chose them, and they helped her to raise my mother.

So very lucky compared to a lot of girls/young women in that position!

A terrible decision, but these were different times, and shame and embarrassment were forefront. No one was forced to abort or have their baby adopted, but told things like this would ruin your life chances /education/opportunity of meeting a partner ( who woukd want someone else’s child?) etc but primarily without support from family, life would have very hard and the expression used was to never darken our door again. A very hard attitude but one which many subscribed to. It was virtually impossible to bring up a baby on your own. No job no money no home no support. Being judged as fast and loose. None if this opprobrium rained on the fathers though. ‘‘Twas ever thus.

My mum became pregnant with me after the war, she was single, alone, had no family around, considered an illegal termination, went to see the woman to make arrangements, but decided at the last moment not to take this course even though no one would blame her ,not even me, had she taken the other way.

I've never been in the situation of having an unwanted pregnancy, but I know that its there but for the grace of God go I.

I could have been a 16-year old who was told by her mum and dad that she had to go to a mother and baby home to have her baby; that there was no way a baby would be welcomed back into that house; a 16 year old who had to give birth with no friends or family around her, only judgemental strangers. Then I might never have seen my baby or even worse, had the chance to bond with it for it just to disappear one day.

I'm afraid "it had to be done, what choice is there?" is a poor excuse. Everyone at the time thought it was the right thing to do, I'm sure, but these women's lives have been blighted.

Have some compassion and just say sorry about what society did to them, if they want us to, for goodness sake.