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Not allowed to feel depressed

(24 Posts)
Newatthis Sun 20-Jun-21 10:46:35

We have all read about celebs who committed suicide who seemingly have fantastic lives but depression and mental health problems can hit anyone. It doesn't mean that because a person is rich or lives in a nice house etc they are not allowed to be depressed. I have been recently feeling very low as I haven't seen my family/grandchildren for 18 months because of COVID and when I mentioned that I was feeling a little low to my sister she said 'Why are you depressed, you live in a nice house, you have a nice lifestyle etc etc'. A little lack of sympathy and understanding me thinks!

Millie22 Sun 20-Jun-21 10:49:30

Depression can affect anyone wealthy or not. What an unkind thing to say.

MawBe Sun 20-Jun-21 10:50:37

Certainly a lack of understanding! Perhaps though she was trying to remind you of the many things you can be thankful for, so not entirely unsympathetic.?

M0nica Sun 20-Jun-21 10:56:02

I can understand how you feel, the current emergency seems to go on and on and many of us have not seen our grandchildren for a year or more and in that time, even those in the teens and above can change almost beyond recognition.

But there is something in what your sister said, though probably not in how she said it. I have found that counting my blessings - and I have many, has helped me to cope when my spirits have sagged.

What you need to do is decide whether you are sinking into depression, in which case medical help is needed or are just low-spirited, in which case look for activities which can help to buoy your mood.

As for your sister...... Well, having a sister myself, and being one, we sisters can sometimes, in an effort to help say some quite sensible things in stupid ways and vice versa.

timetogo2016 Sun 20-Jun-21 10:59:01

To be fair to you sister,she may not know quite what to say and said the only thing that came to mind.
I think lockdown has got to loads of people and it`s made worse by missing family and friends.
Please try and be positive and look forward to seing them in the very near future,and speak to a doctor too.
Sending a friendly air hug to you.

greenlady102 Sun 20-Jun-21 11:02:30

does she perhaps haver a less nice house/lifestyle?

Newatthis Sun 20-Jun-21 11:06:14

Thank you for the hug and words of support. I do count my blessings, all the time and feel very lucky to have a lovely husband and good a/c's. I think I am feeling a little fed up rather than depressed because of not seeing my children/grandchildren but I will make sure I don't sink further and with all you lovely people for support I know I can rely upon you all for kind words.

Kali2 Sun 20-Jun-21 11:11:49

Her reaction shows a totally misunderstanding of true depression. Depression can be reactive to poverty, and other difficult personal circumstances- but often can be totally unrelated- and your sister's reaction anc comments were unfair and insensitive.

Perhaps you should seek help elsewhere. Hope you feel better soon and get the support you need.

DanniRae Sun 20-Jun-21 11:14:45

Newatthis - sending you some flowers x

2020convert Sun 20-Jun-21 11:26:33

Hopefully you will be able to see your grandchildren soon and you will feel cheered up by that. Feeling “down” is a perfectly normal human reaction. Being depressed is something else, so I feel your sister was exaggerating your feelings. We are in very strange times and a tip I heard recently certainly helps me. When you see someone, ask them how they are. Quite simple and I have found that people respond with surprise that they’re asked, but they like it!

Nannarose Sun 20-Jun-21 11:27:21

I think some people confuse the sensible and sometimes helpful 'count your blessings' with 'well look at you've got...'.

I have, thankfully, never suffered from clinical depression, but I do struggle a bit with low mood.

When I count my blessings, as my grandmother taught me, I look at what makes me feel better.
I might in your situation (I hope this is the case!) think 'the family are well, they have an income....etc'. I might look at my nice house, not as an acquisition, but think 'I am comfortable here, I can enjoy seeing the birds in my garden, I like seeing the children walk by'.
This is recognising your low mood, but finding some joy around you as well.
Please ignore if unhelpful!

JaneJudge Sun 20-Jun-21 11:38:29

It is ok to feel sad or even depressed. At the moment it is a completely normal reaction to what is going on around us. I think for some people it has become overwhelming, so you are most probably fairing well smile it isn't just the lack of human contact, it's just 'having a break' from things. Spending time ON YOUR OWN. Getting out of the house because you want to. Booking a nice meal. Booking a weekend away. Lots of things that we took for granted we now have to think about. I don't think it matters how big your house is. We are allowed to feel lucky in all sorts of ways whilst feeling sad/depressed too. You are just human smile

If it gets any worse though DO ring the GP. They have all sorts of extra things in place atm regarding covid19 counselling and information and otherwise. Look after yourself

Maria59 Sun 20-Jun-21 11:38:42

For anyone prone to low mood I use a blessings jar. Every day I write down one good thing from the day (might be a garden visit from a robin) and pop it in a large jar on days when I feel low I tip them all out and read my reasons to be cheerful.

Liz46 Sun 20-Jun-21 12:20:34

I think it is perfectly normal to feel fed up with the present situation. We have started going to the local pub for a meal with another couple and that has helped. They came and sat in our garden yesterday afternoon. The four of us have all had our second jabs.
I saw my grandchildren a couple of weeks ago. They have had covid and their mother has had covid and both jabs. My daughter looked at me and said 'hugs?' Of course I wanted a hug. We were outside and have lived to tell the tale.

sodapop Sun 20-Jun-21 12:46:41

Unfortunately the word depression is bandied about too lightly and used when people feel a bit down etc. True depression is no respecter of money, life style etc it's an illness that is very hard for its sufferers to describe and for others to understand. I hope you see light at the end of the tunnel Newatthis and get some help if you need it.

Kali2 Sun 20-Jun-21 12:56:57

We all feel down due to Covid restrictions and not seeing our families. But this is NOT depression, just sadness at being kept apart. I am so lucky I have never suffered from depression, even though I have been down at times, due to bereavement and lately with being apart from close loved ones.

GillT57 Sun 20-Jun-21 13:08:37

I think the word depression is bandied about too much, as is anxiety. We all get a bit fed up, we all get overwhelmed, we all get a bit anxious, but comparing this to people with overwhelming depression or anxiety so crippling that the only answer is to isolate, stay at home, avoid others, shows a common lack of understanding and misconception of the reality. Open discussion about mental health issues is a good thing though. I hope you are feeling a bit better today, and I think your sister was trying to do her best to cheer you up.

Kim19 Sun 20-Jun-21 14:24:18

I have a son who is a phsychiatric nurse. He tells me we have every right to feel low now and again and that there will always be someone somewhere who is worse off than us. It is not a competition. If you are fortunate enough to know what lifts your mood (I have a beautiful riverside walk nearby) then indulge yourself. If not try to think of occasions when you were particularly happy. I find that helps too. There is a huge gap between feeling low and depression I think. Hope you feel uplifted soon. This enforced family separation is indeed a trial. Good luck.

Newatthis Sun 20-Jun-21 15:46:04

How lovely you all are - thank you!

Lollin Sun 20-Jun-21 15:53:36

Kim19 thank for reminding me of this (not for myself) “permission to feel low” going round in circles at present and need to get back to this thought.

Madgran77 Sun 20-Jun-21 17:17:59

When one is feeling down it really doesn't help to be endlessly reminded about why you are lucky etc. There is a definite difference between full blown depression and being down and fed up.

Full blown depression will not be alleviated by counting ones blessings, thinking about how lucky one is

Down and depressed ....well one is entitled to feel that at times for whatever reasons and things that aren't as one would like in one's life. A listening ear and a bit of understanding can certainly help. Counting blessings and thinking about what is working/good in ones life can help to make one feel better, but one is still entitled to have those down times. We all do!

Redhead56 Sun 20-Jun-21 17:28:36

Some people just lack understanding and say things without thinking. Counting your blessings such as home lifestyles etc is all very well but material. It does not compare to human contact with your loved ones you are entitled to feel down. It hopefully won’t be too long before you can get together in the mean time look forward to it. 💐

Puzzler61 Sun 20-Jun-21 17:34:12

I hope your spirits are lifted soon. I think we all have down days and wobbles but obviously sometimes it can go deeper than that.
It helps if our loved ones say kind things to us and your sister probably did not intend to be unkind. I hope not anyway.
For you ….

BlueBelle Sun 20-Jun-21 17:49:04

I think you are mixing feeling down for a reason with depression which is often unbelievably hard to dissect
You open up your post talking about suicide and major depression in celebrities but that’s not what you are experiencing but a sadness that you haven’t seen your grandkids, like most of us so whilst your sister was a bit abrupt and not very thoughtful she was probably meaning to put it all in perspective
We re all sad at not seeing grandkids and family members but all we can do is get on with things and make the most of all the technical help we have now a days
I think there are days we all feel low but you have to brush yourself down and count all the blessing you have the family are all alive, happy and well and you can keep in touch, daily if you want
Look on the bright side, no other way really