It's our GN zoomiversary!

That was unpleasant for her, but it doesn't mean that Aveline was "taking time flaunting" this by posting once about it. Are people who post - once - about their beautiful grandchildren or the marvellous meal out they have just had also flaunting their good luck over those with no grandchildren, or who haven't eaten out in years?

Well I'm very sorry about that kittylester. I know how that must feel after this thread. It's the nearest I've ever felt to being bullied online.

My middle daughter had a very upsetting time at High School when a group of girls spent time flaunting their gang in the faces of those girls who were not included. The op reminded me of that.

I posted in good faith relying on the fundamental good will of Grans. Plainly I have been disappointed.
Thanks to those who have sent supportive PMs.

We'd be damned if we did and damned if we didn't. The first meeting was an experiment between those of us who were present at probably the last in-person meetup "Let's see whether this works." It did. To get connected, you have to follow an invitation, so that is how we got it going. If invitations had gone to every single person who has ever been to a meetup (that would be fifty or more - some people come occasionally) we would have had crowded meetings that were a disappointment to all - a failure.

As it was, it was a success. It has taken work, both in keeping everyone up to date with ever-changing meeting reference numbers and passwords, and planning activities (quizzes, Easter bonnets etc) to keep up interest and provide something to talk about when no-one has been anywhere, done anything or seen anyone, but it has been worth it - the high spot of the week.

Elegran of course people are going to be upset if they are in regular contact with you; regard you as a friend; think themselves as 'part of a group'; and then they don't receive an invite, or they get an explanation as to 'why' they didn't get an invite.

It was ill considered of Aveline to start the thread and word it as she did. That is what I think.

Thanks, Elegran, I wondered, it's not like you to be unkind!

I meant, Marydoll that the meeting would not have been so enjoyable if it had been more crowded. Even an in-person meeting is best if you can hold conversations with everyone, and not have to shout from one end of a long table to the other, past people discussing something else entirely. At least a face-to-face group can break up into several simultaneous chats between people sitting near each other, but online it is all or no-one.
Sorry that wasn't clear.

Long May it continue

The other thing is you cant post anything on an open forum and expect everyone to say exactly what you want, it's just not how it works. So people are going to have different views on whatever you post.

I’ve gone on to meet two new friends from Gransnet these past few days they’re just happy to have a chat or seek advice about specific things relating to their own personal circumstances. Gransnet and zooms can be a brilliant forum for keeping sane during these horrid times with the hope of continuing to meet up when life becomes safer again. And I love Edinburgh where many of us used to scour the city for new and exciting venues. We even had an occasion one Christmas to go to the theatre to see the ballet and a lovely visit en route to enjoy a delicious meal. Many an Edinburgh visit took us to a lovely restaurant on Princes street overlooking the glorious Edinburgh castle

Elegran, I did wonder why Aveline felt the need to start a thread about it, as what I feared would happen, happened.
Knowing you all, I appreciate it was to celebrate the support you have given each other, but it didn't quite come across that way.

To be clear, as a regular attendee at the larger Edinburgh meet ups, I knew nothing about this Zoom group, until very recently, (why would I?) when I was contacted by a member of the Zoom group, who mistakenly thoughy I was the faciltator. That admittedly did throw me, but then I put my sensible hat on and recalled how close you all were and forgot about it.

What has upset and puzzled me Elegran, is not the Zoom group's existence, but your comment:

There were others who have been to our previous meetings, who we would have loved to invite too, but I don't think any of us (including them) would have enjoyed it.

What exactly did you mean by that comment? Why wouldn't you have enjoyed our company or us yours?

It's all gone pear shaped and personally, as I have previously said, it would be better to just let this go. Life is too short for acrimony.

Aveline glad you all managed to stay in touch. You will be meeting up in person very soon now I guess.In fact, if you have several small meet ups then you could do already.

Can we see photos of the Easter bonnet display?

Storm on a teacup syndrome here. Good on those who are meeting on Zoom. It has been really good to meet people that way, especially in the hard lockdown. A life saver. I have met several groups that way and continue with a couple every week. I still would be wary of people I don’t know, though but that is just me. Some of you obviously do know each other and have met and that is really wonderful. The serial killer remark was flippant and I didn’t really expect it to be taken seriously. Mea culpa. I forgot for a mo that without expressions and body language things are a whole lot different. Don’t be cross, elegran, what I said was not intended to hurt.

Maw I don't get angry easily (you have known me on GN long enough to be aware of that) but I don't like unfairness. I myself would not have mentioned the zoomiversary on the forum, foreseeing just these attacks, and I am not the organiser of zoom organiser, but Aveline was being got at.

Several of those who have been to in-person meetings have been in contact about the zoom, and accepted the explanation. (and stayed in contact, so I don't think anyone is estranged) All the past attendees are people with the confidence to travel sometimes long distances to meet, so I don't think, either, that they would be unable to reach out for contact, or to start a thread on the subject.

I always respect what you write Elegran and am somewhat taken aback by your obvious anger and this wholesale telling off.
I do not know who else might or might not have wanted to be involved, but had I been an “Edinburgh or East Coast gran” or a regular at your meet-ups, I might have been very hurt not to be offered the opportunity to join.
It is easy to dismiss FOMO and say if a person feels lonely or isolated they should start up a group or activity if their own. This is precisely the sort of person who finds it hard, lacking confidence and fearing rejection.
Of course you are entitled to meet as a private group but think OP might be having second thoughts about “celebrating” publicly as if this were a GN sanctioned group.
Is anybody interested that my Book Group have now met monthly via Zoom for over a year? No? Exactly.

Thank you to the majority.

I see some echoes in this thread of the reactions of a minority of the responses early on in Gransnet's history, when some daring members took the plunge and met up in person for coffee, or lunch, or to go to something together, or just to chat. In that case, there was astonishment that they would leave the safety and isolation of the computer screen for the dangers of personal contact. In this there is envy and recriminations when it is "revealed" that now we are denied personal contact the virtual screen is back in use, with faces added to it now, by the miracles of modern technology.

There was the "They could all be axe murderers!"

There was the "It is a clique, they are excluding 7,996 of us! We should all be there or none. It shouldn't be allowed!"

There was the "It is just done to make others feel inferior"

There was the "Only their best pals, how about the rest of us?"

There was the "You shouldn't have told us this and let us know what we were missing. You are just telling us to be one-up. It makes those who can't be there feel more lonely"

At least we have been spared the "But they are all strangers, why do they want to actually meet?" because the answer to that is obvious now. The point at the moment is that everyone is becoming a stranger, so to keep in touch you have to make a positive effort. We did that early on in lockdown, and we posted about it at the time, not once but several times, saying how it was free, and easy to download the app and use, and what a boon it would be to those who were isolated.

Other points are - 1) there are versions of zoom and other similar apps for ALL devices, including mobile phones. Every Gransnet member has internet access, or they wouldn't be reading this, so everyone could be in visual contact with other people. We haven't excluded the rest of the world, or stolen anything from them.

2) If you haven't personally chaired a meeting with twenty people, either in person or virtually, then don't make virtuous remarks about how we should have had that number or more. In person it is not easy - Ive done it for several Edinburgh meetings and I know the pitfalls.. On-screen it is worse. You can't stand up and bang a teaspoon against your coffee-cup to get attention and make a point. Your image is only a little square as small as the ones showing the nineteen others, you only have as much authority as the volume of noise you can make shouting above the rest. Policing the meeting by remotely switching the mike of whoever is speaking on and off is not an option over a meeting lasting an hour or more. Oh, sure, it "just" takes self-discipline etc etc, but these are people who have spoken to no-one since the last zoom, so they are not going to sit there like the participants in a quiz show or "Any questions" waiting to be asked the next question. This is a chat, , it isn't a presentation or a scripted webcast. Remember, too, that some of those present may have difficulties with speaking out, and might never get a word in edgeways, and others may have problems shutting up and never allow anyone else to slip in a word.

3) Inclusivity is a worthy goal, but sometimes you have to draw a line at a certain point and do what is achievable, instead of taking on what will fail those who have been included. Our zoom group consists of those who were the first to react to lockdown and get together to combat it. We learnt from the first meetings what would work and what wouldn't. Those others who have been to Edinburgh meetups in the past and ideally would have joined us are aware and understand. In-person meets will happen as soon as guidelines allow, and as soon as those organising them feel that both the general situation and their own health and abilities are suitable. Bear in mind that we are all either older or more vulnerable than the Gransnet average.

4) Finally, I assume that those who criticised us are already doing their bit to help several lonely people. Well done, and keep it up. We are not out of the wood yet. Why not post your ideas and experiences on Gransnet - they may help someone do something similar. And if you are living alone and don't speak to anyone all week, why not start a thread asking whether anyone would like to join you in a regular virtual coffee morning. It is free, and it is not as technical as you think.

FannyCornforth

nanna8 the chance of us all being 'a bunch of serial killers' is an extremely low one, I should imagine
It would certainly pep things up a bit if we were!

?????? very naughty!

The first meet up I went to was quite scary. I didn't know what to expect. I sat outside the restaurant trying to work out who was a GNer as people entered. I couldn't exactly ask ladies if they were Grans! However, I went in, asked the manager for the GN table and met a lot of lovely ladies. All went well after that but I've not forgotten how it felt to be meeting up with a bunch of strangers from the internet. The family were quite worried about it. I'm so glad I took the risk. So far so good. No axe murderers yet...!

Galaxy

It would be useful if anyone who is a serial killer could just let us know it makes things so much easier socially.

Rather spoils a game of Cluedo though

we are all strangers tapping away on our keyboards and wouldn't look at each other twice in the street except for those that have physically met in meet ups of course......

Galaxy I could put a thread in the 'Meet ups' subforum.
Any Sociopaths in the East Midlands region? ?

nanna8

You would need to know each other’s emails which may or may not be a good thing when you are talking about strangers !

We had a situation on GN a while back where a long time poster was disappeared in the press of a button.
If some of us didn’t have email addresses we wouldn’t have been able to communicate with that poster.
I don’t trust PMs with certain information.

‘Horses for courses’ as they say. It wouldn’t suit me anymore than meeting people in real life, but that’s me, I know I’m unsociable. But for those who do enjoy it, great, you could set up your own group. If it helps one person to beat loneliness then it’s worth it.